Juliana's Pov:
The chanting of the birds was making it hard for me to get any glimpse of sleep, opening my eyes, I stared back at the sky.
"Not a bright start to my day," I murmured. I have been lying in this particular spot for days after swimming myself out of the ocean. I looked exhausted and weak though my reasons for lying here were because I wanted to change back to my human form. I can't wander around in this beast form, what if someone sees me? I am tired of people distancing themselves away from me or even going to the extent of calling me names.
"Uhmm….." Turning around, I groaned as I seemed tired. The sun has gone down, it is almost dawn. The whole place was quiet except for the sounds coming from the oceans, and the chanting of the birds. I felt a presence beside me, and veering around I saw Ariana lying peacefully. I slowly shook her before it struck inside my head that she was already dead. I sighed and sat upright.
Looking straight forward, I get a glimpse of my leg. It was hairy, and my feet seemed huge with pointed toes. Fear kicked into me as I suddenly glanced at my body. My body was still the same, I let out a frustrated sigh. I haven't changed yet, I am still in my monster form. I thought by now I could have transformed into my human form.
"Hey! Heaven," I called my wolf with uneasiness.
"Heaven!!" I screamed yet I got no response.
Why is she always ignoring me when I need her most? It always felt like I am alone, like I am a human with a touch of a monster within and not a wolf because I can count how many times the two of us had a conversation. We spent only a little time with each other, she knew that I needed someone right now. She knew how terrible and scared I was, yet she always ignored me. Does she also hate me? She never showed me that she cared, I needed someone but it seems like I need to learn how to console myself all alone. I have to learn how to stay on my own without wanting any care or love.
Standing up, I wrapped Ariana's body in my palms. I have to fulfill my reasons for coming here in the first place, I ran away with her corpse for a purpose. Moving deeper inside the woods, the ground kept wiggling as my feet hit the soil.
Lucien's rejection still pangs my heart, it has been months since I escaped from there yet I still feel a hole, empty! I still miss him. I was so lost in his love that I didn't know that it could happen to me, that he could reject me. I guess nobody does or am I hallucinating because they all wanted me dead? One doesn’t give it ample thought as long as the fake promises and lies keep the other at bay. At least it has happened to me.
I didn't blame all my mates that rejected me, it is never their fault. Who would want to have anything to do with a monster, a beast? They did the only thing that they could at that time if I were a different person. Assuming that I wasn't a curse, I am damn sure that at least one of my mates could want me. Maybe Lucien might want me, my separation from him hurts more. We had a lot of pleasant memories, we had a great time together but I realized later that it was just fake love and promises.
Waking up every single day to find myself still breathing is a torment, waking up to find myself still wandering around knowing full well that I have a beast within is torture. My thoughts every single day I woke up was **Another day of torture and torment! How am I going to pass this?*** The pain is always there, staring me dead in the eye.
I am scared of what will happen to me next.
My life is hanging on uncertainty. Will things turn out fine or will I be an unlucky soul? I am scared of what will become of me inside these woods since I haven't transformed yet. Can I ever still have the chance to return to my old self? I am sure none of the packs will want to accept me again, not after a lot of them have seen what I am capable of. My heart will only take so much but not for long, I am still holding onto my tiny hope that one day I will wake up without these strange powers again. That I will wake up without this curse again!
But my hope only lasts for a few seconds because soon I am overcome with unbearable pain and ache in my heart, and soon fear and panic cloud my head. What if I never get to experience a world without stress? What if I am forever like this? Silent tears trailed out of my eyes, as the tears rolled down my face I felt a vast wind swirling around me with force and speed. I know what is coming, I am damn tired of this cursed power. I wanted to return to my normal self and not transform into a monster.
Trying to subside my emotion, I put on a fake smile but unfortunately for me I am not good at faking happy tears. I am terrible at it, more tears kept streaming down my face and I knew that I am not changing back anytime soon.
Stopping at my track, I glanced around but it seems like I am the only person inside the woods. Everywhere is dead quiet like a cemetery, I wanted to inhumane Ariana's corpse. I need to bury her, I just can't leave her dead body with that of Carter's men like that. I have to interment her even if that was the only thing that I can do for her. I placed her body on the ground. She has been smelling for having dead for days now. Dropping her corpse to the ground, I started excavating a pit. Digging and digging, I needed to excavate six feet to be able to bury her. Her soul needs to rest, I can't allow her body to be burned with that of those men together and that's why I took her body and escaped.
With the power within, it wasn't long before I dug out a hole that was enough to fit her carcass. Picking her up from the floor, I unhurriedly placed her inside the trenches. Standing a bit I stared at her for the one last time, she looked peaceful and beautiful with the least worry.
"She is sure good," I sounded heartbroken as I glanced at her one last time, I bow slowly for the last time before covering her body with the soil. After covering her with the soil, I tripped and fell with my head and hands placed on the spot where she was laid to rest. I let out a disheartening cry, a terrifying pain erupted from the deepest part of my heart.
She is gone……..