Eric's POV
"Eric!! What are you doing here??? That too at midnight!!! Son, Is everything okay in the house??? " My mom's face became worried to see me in a miserable condition standing in front of her door at midnight.
After sending Angela back to her room, I cursed myself like every time. But this time I could not control my heart. I was in pain and started to feel suffocated with my fake identity. I could not understand what to do, where to go and finally, I came to my old house. Where I was standing at the door like a destitute who now had no idea what to do!
"First come inside!!" She takes my hand immediately and enters my old room. I didn't utter a single word.
After making me sit on the bed, she sat beside me.
"Son, Don't be silent!! Your silence is scaring me !!" She said, looking at me with worried eyes, placing both hands on my hands.
But seeing her, not a single word could come out of my mouth. I just hugged her desperately. I want a place where I can show my real self. Not as an Erish but as an Eric who is now tired! Tired from everything! Tired of himself!! Tired from lies!! Tired from deceiving Angela!! With each day, this is starting to become hard.
"Son! What happened, dear??? Why are you not saying anything??? Please speak!!" She patted my back gently and asked again, seeing me not answering her. I can sense her tensed face.
"Mom! Angela!!" My voice became choked, I could not complete my words. I didn't understand where to start??? What shall I say to her??? That his son doesn't want to continue this lie!! That he really wants Angela as his wife now. He wants love from her. And if this continues like this he doesn't know what he will do in the future to make her his. I know my mom would be ready and support me! But from the start, this is my choice to make a distance with her. But now with each day, everything has started to change. I started to lose my control. I started to want her.
Now, I started to want her. But will she accept me after knowing my identity??
She is my love! my life ! What if she hates me?? There are many things that are starting to scare me!! I don't want her to leave me!!! But after today I don't know about our future either!! I don't know how I will handle our relationship!! I just thought in my heart.
"Angela???" She blinked her eyes abruptly.
"Son, What happened to her???" Her voice becomes loud.
"Tell me!!???" She asked in a panic.
"Mom, nothing happened to her!" I came back to my senses and said in a low tone.
"Then what's the matter???" There is a mixed expression on her face.
"Has she got to know that you are Eric??"
She asked, separating me from her arms.
There was fear in her eyes. She really can not imagine the situation.
But I stared at the floor without answering her. I'm lost in thought. There are many things that started to control my mind.
"Eric, Why are you not answering me?? Don't be silent like this !!! Please answer me! Does she know the truth???" She became more panicked and questioned me with a shouted voice. Her body was shivering.
Finally, I answered.
"No, Mom! She doesn't know anything yet. And this thing is eating me from inside. Mom! What should I do??? I don't understand anything!! We are both husband and wife, but I disappoint her as husband every time. I always make her cry and cause her to be sad!!! Which I never dreamed of. Mom, I made her sad again today. I hurt her heart again today.
Why am I becoming the reason for his misery when I was supposed to be the reason for his happiness?? Why?? Why mom??? Why is God punishing me like this??? I just rested my head in mom's lap and cried like a miserable child who lost his light and now suffering in the darkness.
" No Son!!!! This is not your fault!!" She touched my forehead gently and started weeping loudly.
"I..I'm..So.Sorry!! I'm Sorry!! This is our fault!! Your parent's fault!! We are the reason for your condition!! Your suffering!! We are the ones who make you suffer like this and also suffer for Angela who still didn't know anything!! I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry my child... Despite being parents, we gave a lot of grief to both our sons.
It was not the fault of all three (Erish, Eric, and Angela) of you here, but despite that, you all are suffering because of us. Because of our decisions." She started sobbing. Her tears streaming down none stopped.
…….
I don't know how much time passed like this and how finally I came back home. After coming back I just went back to the bedroom and opened the door slowly. Without making any sounds. I don't want to disturb her sleep.
After entering, I slowly step towards her side. She is sleeping soundly. I sat on my knees and looked at her.
I really want to ask her, can she accept me after knowing the truth.
But finding no words, I just came closer to her and kissed her forehead gently. I just wanted to feel her. I held one of her hands in my hand gently.
I spent the whole night looking at her face. With an early rise, I released her hand slowly without making her wake up and went to my room.
After worrying the whole night, I finally convinced myself to stop my feeling.
I need to remember my identity. No matter how hard it is going to be in the future. I can't make a move towards her. Even that time when she is unaware of my real identity. I'm not her Erish. I'm not her lover. I need to remember that.