"Oh no, I knew it..." she muttered to herself, clapping her palms together.
"I know you are going to say that, Kim," she said again, and then in one swift instance took my chin in her hands so that I can looking into her as she speaks again.
"Do you want to spend all your life living alone? Do you?" She asked, sounding exactly like my Mum would if she were still alive and this made my heart skip a bit at the thought of her.
I can't help but recall that she died because I was rapped and had gotten pregnant because of it, I know this for a fact because of the doctor's report, "...she died of heart failure..."
How can I bring myself to marry Kyle what will happen if he remained me of my grief?
"Do not waste your youth, my friend, time passes and it does not come back," she said rather pleadingly again, and very slowly, bringing my mind back to the present.
"Look, Kim, as today passes, it can never come back to you again, and you also age by the day, do you understand what I am saying to you?" She asked still in that pleading manner.
I slowly pulled my chin away from her hands, trying to fight back the tears I feel that wants to build up in my eyes, "I do not understand you, Vicky, I do not understand anything you have just said to me," I replied her trying not to think deep or read meaning to what she has just said.
She said the days go by and do not come back to us, but why do I feel like the day Kyle rapped me always come back to me, or better still, it is always there in my face, I keep wishing I could do something to undo the past so that I can leave a normal life, a life I should have lived, together with my mum, I had so many dreams back then, I wanted to make my mum happy as well as I do myself...
I stared at Vicky who just stares at me without sayinganythingingng, I think she may be thinking of a way to get through to me, if only she knew how much I would have wanted to live my life like she is doing but in the way that I wanted, and I sometimes envy her, and wished it were that easy to begin to live my life just the way girls my age would do, my life was rubbed from me the day Kyle rapped me, I would have gone past it by now maybe, if I did not fall pregnant as a result of that night, and that one incident cursed me my teenage life, it made me older all at once and I do not think I can begin to live that life now with Alex and Sandra around, not that I am not happy having them around me or in my life, but I feel that living the happy life or the version of happy life Vicky wants me to live is not for me anymore, the course of my life has changed with the coming of my twins...
"You do not understand me?" Vicky repeated what I have said to her before in a rather calm manner again staring at me.
"Yes, Vicky, I do not understand," I repeated looking into her face.
"What about Alex and Sandra's request then, that you marry their dad, Kyle?" Vicky asked again still peering at me...
"What about them, Vicky," I asked getting a little furious because she thinks it is easy to do what she wants me to do, "you do not expect me to get married to a man simply because Alex and Sandra want me to get married to him even though that man is their dad, what about me, Vicky?" I asked her and continued immediately without waiting for her to reply.
"My teenage life was taken from me in one instance thereby changing the whole course of my life, how do you expect me to start living the life of the years I have lost? Vicky, I cannot live that life because I know nothing of it and I can't begin now because I have another life set out for me, and I have embraced that life now, that life is looking after my kids, they are my priority now," I told her even though I see in her facial expression that she does not agree with me...
"I do not know how to begin to live that life, Vicky, I do not think I have the strength for such emotions or feeling even if they exist because it has been mired, I do not expect you to understand this because to you it is so simple," I told her.
"It is simple, Kim, you should try and give it a chance that is all I am saying," she told me immediately, "give it a chance that is all I am asking, you do not have to marry him right away but you can at least give it a try to see how things would turn out for you," she added rather pleadingly, gazing into my eyes...