I walked over to my friends after making sure that my tears were dried up, I wouldn't want them to suspect anything or ask me questions.
If they should ask, what would I tell them, that I broke up with Jeffery? They will find it absurd since I never told them I was dating him in the first place.
"Cindy, did you see what you were looking for?" Kelly asked me when I approached her.
I was thinking of an excuse for staying away too long, but here was one thrown at me.
"Yes have you seen the singlet?" Janet added and I looked at the both of them, the excitement of shopping was still on their faces.
They were too busy when I left, they must have thought I went in search of a singlet.
I forced a smile and shook my head gently. "I don't like the singlet anymore," I said softly and over to where my bag was. "Girls let's wrap it up," I told them after picking up my bag.
"Huh!" Kelly looked at me with a shocked expression. "Wrap what up?"
I knew they were not done with shopping, they could stay in this mall for hours, buying expensive things and not feel bored, but I was no longer in the mood to shop happily.
"I am very tired, I need to go," I told them and I saw their expression changed into a worried one.
"Are you sick?" Janet asked me as she steps closer to feel my forehead with her palm.
"No." I gently remove her hand and smile weakly. "I am just tired, a little rest will do." They studied me for a while with their brow raised, I am sure that they were curious about what must have made me suddenly change, I was not in the right mind to start responding to their questions.
"I will go ahead," I said before they could say anything else and I watched my two friends exhaled softly.
"Alright, we will see if we could get you some other useful things you need," Janet told me and I knew she will not only get little things but a lot for me.
Ger family was wealthy, well, she was Suzy's cousin so she ought to be, and she was a cheerful giver. They bid me farewell and I walked out of the mall.
As I walk down the street, I remember walking through here when I was on a date with Jeffery, and that memory alone made tears fall from my eyes.
I had decided not to cry for him anymore, but I couldn't stop the tears, it was so painful and it hurts my heart to let go.
"Cindy! Cindy!"
I heard someone call my name and I turn left, only to see Russeli on his motorbike calling out my name as he stopped close to me.
"Cindy, what is wrong?" His forehead furrowed as he saw my tears and came down from the bike.
My heart was too torn that the only words I could utter were his name. "Russeli...Russeli..." I began to sob more uncontrollably and he held my shoulder.
"Cindy, why are you crying?" He asked as he scanned me to see if I was hurt, but I wasn’t, his eyes settled on my face again. "Whose ass am I kicking today?" He asked with a deep frown.
"I am sorry Russeli..." My words came out hoarse as I looked up at him. "I love Jeffery so much," I muttered.
I knew Russeli won't be happy to hear this since he had confessed his feelings to me, but I still need to let the words out of my chest, to tell someone, and It was only Russeli who understands me better and knew if I was telling the truth, so there was no point in lying to him.
"I love Jeffery and I can't let go even when I said I would, still.." I looked down and my heart ached the more. "Still I can't." I shook my head.
"I can't get him out of my head, even when it hurts so much, even when he deceived me twice and also lied to me." I looked up at him. "Russeli I don't know what to do."
Russeli was silent for a while, then the next seconds, he put a helmet on my head, maybe to hide my tears.
"Let's go, people are watching." He told me and I didn't care, I don't even know if I was being watched by a lot of eyes, all I knew was that I was sad.
Russeli helped me to his motorbike and rode off, I kept sobbing all the way, even though I was not aware of where he was taking me, but I trust Russeli, he has been there for me since I came to high school.
We arrived at an open rooftop and I came down as I walked over to the edge and sat down, soon Russeli joined me, I was no longer crying so I took off the helmet.
It looked like the wind have dried up my tears and my eyes were tired of bringing out tears, the breeze from the rooftop run through my face as I turned to Russeli who was staring at me.
"Russeli..." I wanted to say something but it seems he already knew what I want to tell him so he cuts me off.
"It is okay, just stare at the horizon." He pointed in a direction and I followed his hands. "It is a good sight." He said softly and put his hands down.
"It will make you forget your worries." He said and I looked at him. "You should shout out your anger and let the wind take it all away."
He looked away from me and turn to the direction he had pointed. "Owehee!" He screamed and I watched him.
He turns to me after shouting and I could see in his eyes that he was also sad about something, maybe because I love Jeffery and not him in the way I should.
"Did it work?" I asked and he nods, even if the pain was still visible in his eyes.
"Try yours." He told me and looked away from me.
"Aheee!" I shouted at the top of my voice.
"How do you feel now?" Russeli asked me when I stopped.
"Russeli I can't hold it in any longer," I told him in a hoarse voice and started shouting out loud again.
"Me too." He joined me as our voice echoed.
After few seconds I started crying again, and I stopped shouting, it didn't help, no matter how much I shouted, my hearts still has that hole in it. I covered my face with my hands and continued.
"Cindy," Russeli called out my name and I look up at him with wet eyes, his brow was furrowed and I knew he was angry now.
"Stop it." He told me as his eyes met mine. "Stop thinking about Jeffery, stop hurting because of him, stop loving Jeffery." I could hear the pain in his voice as he continues. "Look at me, look at only me and love only me."
"Russeli...: I drawl in tears.
"Can't you see I am close to your side?" He said in a deep voice and pointed at himself. "Can't you see I love only you huh!" A single tear rolled down his cheek and this was the first I have seen Russeli cry.
"Russeli I..." I goggled unable to say a word as he cuts me off again.
"Think about it and don't answer now." He paused. "I love you and I will make you happy." He said softly and averted his gaze and wiped off his tears.
"Jeffery is hurting you right?" He raised his brow as he turns his gaze back to me, but I pressed my lips together and wouldn't a word as I looked at him like a statue. "So throw him away here." He pointed at the horizon.
"Throw every memory of him here and think of me alone." He told me seriously this time and go up. "I will leave you no to do that."
I watched him in tears as he walked over to his motorbike and rode off, and I was sure that he was in tears again.
I looked over at the horizon and more tears filled my eyes. Russeli was right, he had never lied to me, and he loves me, I have to let Jeffery go since he loves someone else, now I have to love only Russeli.
"Goodbye Jeffery."