On my own for almost fourteen hours now, and it feels odd from the way it did before ever meeting Shane.
Since the convention happened, I have been with Shane. Neither of us spoke more about what had almost happened to me and I was grateful. I didn't want to think about it, much less talk about it after that night. Which I hadn't until I woke up a sweating, panting mess in the middle of the night.
Not once being in Shane's arms did I have a nightmare about it, but last night hit me like a semi truck. A sweating and panting mess is the mild form of putting it really. I woke up screaming and tears were rolling down my cheeks like I had been crying in my sleep. The shaking that came with it seem to take forever to stop.
Never have I had a nightmare so vivid and seem real again. It took everything in me not to call Shane to hear his voice, but I figured the early morning hours he may be getting some rest that he needs.
All of that was a few hours ago and I have not been able to get an ounce of sleep since then. I showered and dressed then came here to the kitchen to drink on coffee. Oreo and Fluffier has had their breakfast and at the moment I haven't ate but really don't have an appetite for anything.
My phone starts ringing and I jump slightly. Seeing the screen a large smile forms on my face.
"Hello." I smile while answering.
"Hello, little paws. How was your night?" Shane's voice comes through the phone.
"Not the greatest." I sigh. "Were you able to get some sleep or have you been driving all night?"
"I been driving, just stopped at a rest stop area off the interstate. Miles are out for now, so I am going to try and get some rest soon but knew you would be up by now with the clinic opening soon."
"Yeah, I am going to open today and get paperwork done. I don't think I have any appointments yet on my schedule until the beginning of next week. So I will be just helping out Jovi and doing any callings where animals need to be seen same day."
"Why wasn't your night the greatest?" Shane's voice gets a concerned sound.
"I'm not sure what happened but I had a nightmare about what happened the night you kept me from getting carried away." I sigh and stand from the counter to rinse my cup out.
"I am here to listen and it may help to get it out. Honestly, I should have done more to help you because repressing it makes things worse and not once did we talk about how you were feeling about what happened."
"I didn't want to talk about it honestly. I wanted to forget and when I was with you I was able too. Not even when I went to bed was I thinking about it but it just came up in my dreams and it was like reliving it all over again just that my anxiety was worse when I woke up."
"It is called flashbacks. They are never fun to experience." Shane sighs heavily. "Sometimes talking it through can help or just over time it gets better. Before going to bed try to think of happy things. Call me if you would like and we can talk until you fall asleep."
Why didn't I think of that? With Shane's past he may have experience with how I am feeling and going through on some level. He would understand what I need even more, but I worry about him reliving something just because he is helping me.
"I love talking with you but I also didn't want to bother you not knowing what you were doing. You're working right now and I don't want to get in the way."
Which is also true on what I say. I don't want to bother him to where he can get done faster and come back that much sooner.
"Samantha, you are never in the way. Please know that. Call me anytime of the day or night. I love you and will be here in any form you need me to be."
"I love you Shane and just want you here even sooner."
"Love you too, little paws and I will be there no matter what. Please promise to call me if you have that happens again like it did last night. The last thing I want is for you to go through it alone until I call or you call me when we would normally be awake. Loving someone is to help them through all the times they may need and I want to be that for you more than anything."
"I will call you, that is a promise." I nod slowly even though he can't see.
"We can talk through it or just simply talk to find something to calm you down over the phone since I can't be there to hold you how I wish I could in this moment. I just don't want you to lose yourself to the flashbacks." Shane voice takes on a sad tone.
"Lose myself?" I ask confused.
"Many times when something like that or any major event to cause flashbacks happen, it can be common to see the person fall into a depression. If it gets to bad without getting better than it can drive a person crazy. All things I never wish you to go through and I hope that in a short time the dreams will stop."
We change topics and go back to what we have for the day. With a glance at the clock, I hate to see the time.
"You need to get some rest Shane." I smile through the phone. "I can't believe you have been awake as long as you have."
"I am used to not sleeping much. The most sleep I got at one time was with you. Call you later?" Shane's voice seem deeper and I know he is holding back a yawn.
"Of course! You know I want you to call, that is a don't even ask me, just call me. I will call you if I take lunch sooner." I laugh lightly.
"I will be up by then. I can hit the road in three hours."
"I love you Shane." I smile as I slip on my shoes.
"I love you, little paws." Shane speaks gently, before we hang up.
I put my phone in purse and grab my keys.
"Are you two ready to be back in the clinic today?" I look down to Oreo and Fluffier.