"Where are we, Luca?" I whispered, the strong whiff of blood filled my nostrils again, I felt the urge to vomit, I could feel my throat coming up on me and I could barely stare at the place when I rushed out of the room, o walked into the nearest bathroom, throwing my guts out.
When I felt someone hold my hair up, he didn’t even have to touch me for me to realise that he is close to me, for me to realise that his wolf is near me when his eye met mine again.
"Clean up" he spoke and I did, I wiped off all of the vomit I had all over my body and I covered my mouth with water before taking in some mouthwash to feel better.
"What is that Luca?" I whispered the moment I headed out of the bathroom, I could still see the room, it felt like I could feel the things that had happened inside the room and it only made me scared, it made me worried and all I could think about was the horrors that could have taken place in that place
"It’s a part of me no one has seen, you said I want to have control, you said I have all the control that I need but I need you to realise that I don’t have control over many things."
"What do you mean?" I asked, I could feel my heart beating against my chest, I had never felt this scared before, my eyes filled with tears as I stared at him, what did he mean? "Do you hurt people in that room Luca?" I asked.
I am not sure I am ready to find out, I am not sure I am ready to figure out what the truth can be, it made me scared: what I’d be said yes, I could still smell the blood, the way I saw it painted on the wall like it’s a part of it.
"Would you be scared if I said yes?" He asked moving closer to me when I placed my hand in front of him, he didn’t care I moved him as he moved closer to me, even closer that I am scared.
"I am not the monster you think I am, I am not the monster you want me to be so badly Olivia, that room, that blood does not belong to anyone but me, it’s mine." He spoke; I stared at him with disbelief written all over my eyes; it can’t be, it can’t all belong to him.
Some were dry, I could still think about it and the smell was heavy, which meant it’s fresh.
"You are bluffing, you are saying it so won’t be scared of you."
"Why would I lie, why would I end up lying to you, what could I gain from that, you are always scared of me, you can’t leave even if you want to, I have you trapped already so why would I lie?" He asked and a tear slipped out of my eyes.
"It’s your blood." I finally said and he nodded, I didn’t want to believe it even if I didn’t want yet I did, I believe every word of it. It belonged to him and it even scared me more.
"I don’t have all the control I need, not like you think so, you saw a side of me I always lock away."
"You harm yourself," I asked, he didn’t come off as someone who would hurt himself; he didn’t come off as someone who would even think about hurting himself; he should be strong; the stories said so, he is meant to be powerful, everyone should be scared of him.
"What do you mean Luca, you are starting to scare me."
"Every full moon, I turn into something else, into something I can’t control, a monster that feeds on others, a monster that hurt itself, when control slips, this is why I keep myself locked inside that room, not because I am scared but because I can’t hurt people anyone, I don’t want to hurt someone I will regret:" he spoke.
He had done it before, his voice, his tone, and even his eyes said so; he had hurt someone he cared about, someone he still regrets hurting and when I stared deep into his eyes, I realized that, that someone any not here anymore.
Luca is not horrible, Luca is damaged, there is something inside of him.
"I know what it feels like not to have control of yourself, of your body, of your life, I know what it feels like not to be able for anything but if I control you, it’s because I want to protect you, not because I want to have full control over you. It’s because I know better or protect you than anyone, not because I think you are dumb or stupid or incapable of controlling yourself, but because I know what the world holds and I know that, I am better off protecting you." He spoke.
I stared at him for a second unable to find words for what I had to say, I wanted to ask him who he had hurt, who he had let die, and now he regrets it.
"No one knows about this, this side of you," I whispered.
"I need control to lead Olivia and if they find out I have a weakness, it’s not a weakness, it’s a strength: a wolf that kills without remorse, a wolf that wants to hurt, they would want to use it in another way". He spoke.
I knew he was right, I hated that he was right.
"Even Ares- no one knows about this, not my Beta, not my Wolff’s, not Ares’s, not anyone knows about this, I don’t want control, I need control to be able to survive being an Alpha." He spoke.
"You need the control," I whispered against my breath, I realized what he meant by that, he is the Alpha, he is stronger; he is someone who wants to have control and he is someone who needs to have it. He needs it and I never understood that, no one would want an alpha that didn’t have control.
The more I stared at him, my eyes moved away from him and it fell upon his lips, he swept his tongue softly against his lips and my breath hitches.
"How does it feel, losing control, not being able to control your wolf?" I asked
"It feels unpowerful, no one wants to forget who they are but I do when I lose control, it’s like I am a different person, my veins, the blood that flows faster it’s- scary," I whispered cutting him off, My eyes were still on his lips.
I have an idea what it feels like to lose control of my body, to lose control of every part of me, and not be able to have control of who I am. Maybe I can’t fully relate but I can understand what he meant by that.
I didn’t speak, I didn’t even know what to say.
"I want to protect you even when I lose control, Olivia." He breathed out.
When his hand softly touched my body, my eyes were on his for a second when he wrapped his hand around my waist, and for a second, I lost control over my body and my lips found their place on his.
My heart skipped a beat when his lips danced against mine, his eyes closed for a second and I realized how vulnerable he is, I realized how much he didn’t want to show me this side of him and I dodged him too, I closed my eyes for a second.
Leaning deeper into the kiss, I didn’t want to think of how I would feel after the kiss; all I wanted to think about was the fact that we are here together, Luca didn’t just kiss me.
He gently tucked my lips: he played with my lips and he listened to what I had to say, my words were on my lips and he buried all of it with a kiss, he would bite my softly, trying to leave his mark and I did the same too, I wanted him to leave his mark on me and I wanted to do the same to him.
"Luca." I breathed out when I pulled away; his eyes filled with lust while it was covered by an unfamiliar feeling and my days met his again. He was about to lean in again when he heard his phone ringing and a curse escaped my lips.
"I hate to take this." Luca breathed out before pulling away from me.
He didn’t come back, and after about two minutes I found myself heading toward the balcony to listen in.
"She would never do that to me, just find out why he has the meeting with Victor." He spoke and I pulled away.