I've never felt so useless in my life.
Useless. To the extent of every letter.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do to make Ciara stop crying. She’s in the hospital bed, wearing nothing but the blue gown they made her change into. We arrived here about an hour ago and are still waiting for the doctor to come.
"Where the hell is the doctor?" I ask the nurse when she comes into the room.
"I'm sorry, sir, Dr. Juliet should be here any minute," she says, then proceeds to check on Ciara
I run a hand through my hair desperately. Where the hell is she? I didn't pay her for this! She's supposed to be here already!
I watch as the nurse checks Ciars’s blood pressure. She writes something in the folder and then walks out. I rush to Ciara's side and smooth my hand over her hair. “Ciara," I say softly.
She is covering her face with her hands as she cries. It is killing me to see her like this and not being able to do anything. I felt guilty somehow.
"Ciara,please," I say again, looking at her mom who is standing on the other side of the bed. Her sister Eva is sitting on the couch, biting her nails.
"What?" Ciara cries as she takes her hands from her face. Her eyes are red, and her nose is running. I reach out to clean the tears from her face.
I want to ask her if she's okay, but I know that it's probably not going to help. I don't know what else to say to her. "I'm sorry," I whisper stupidly.
"You should be," she says as she continues to cry, but she reaches for my hand and squeezes it. "It hurts..." she cries.
I sigh, glancing at her mom who shakes her head. "There's nothing we can do but be with her," she tells me sympathetically. Ciara looks like her mom, with the same brown hair and eyes, though her mom has silver hairs outnumbering her brown ones.
There is a knock on the door and the doctor walks in with the nurse behind her.
"Where have you been?" I demand her angrily.
She smiles. "I'm sorry I'm late, I was asleep," she tells me. She is wearing blue scrubs with a white coat. Her blond hair is up in a ponytail. She walks to Ciara. "How are you doing?" she asks her.
Ciara sniffs, but she actually stops crying. "The contractions are really strong. I feel like I want to push."
Dr. Juliet takes a seat in front of Ciara then grabs her legs and opens them. The room is silent as the doctor examines her. "Alright..." she murmurs, then looks up at Ciara, "Well, you are just 4 cm dilated—"
"How?" Ciara asks in disbelief. She looks desperate.
Dr. Juliet smiles. "I know it's hard, but you must remember to remain as calm as possible." She looks at me. "I suggest you take her and walk around the floor. I'll be back to check on her in an hour."
I nod.
Well, at least that gives me something to do.
"Ciara,why don't we go walk?" I ask her after the doctor leaves.
She doesn't say anything for a moment. Her hand goes to her big belly and she winces in pain. After a while, she nods. "Okay," she whispers. I place my arm around her waist and help her to her feet. Her mom nods at me as we walk out of the room. The hallway is long, and I can see another woman walking with her nurse. Ciars's arm goes around my torso as we walk. She keeps taking long breaths.
The next seven hours are the longest hours of my life. They are spent walking and then going back to the room and then going out to walk again. The doctor checks Ciara every hour but can't really do anything until the cervix is 10 cm dilated; at least, that's what the doctor explains. She tells us about getting an epidural but Ciara,refuses.
I had never seen Ciara look so desperate.
"I need this baby out!" she yells as she grips the blankets with her hands. I'm scared she's going to hurt herself.
It’s eight in the morning now and there’s light coming in through the windows. Eva is asleep on the couch and I find myself envying her. I know my place is by Ciara’s side, but I just hate feeling so useless. I ran my hand through my hair for the hundredth time that day.
Ciara is grunting in pain and she is moving on the bed from side to side.
The doctor walks back into the room. She puts on gloves. "Let's take a look," she says as she opens Ciara’s legs and checks her. "I can feel the baby's head," she announces. She looks up at Ciara as two nurses begin to walk into the room. "Alright, Ciara, it's time for you to push, okay?"
Ciara nods desperately as she searches for my hand. "Give me your hand!" she screams at me. I run to her side and hold her hand. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. I watch as she winces in pain and then she is yelling as she begins to push. Eva wakes up and her mom is on the other side of her, running her hand on her arm. "Keep pushing, Ciara you're crowning," the doctor says.
I don't think Ciara hears her, but she continues to push.
"Oh my god!" she yells as she tries to catch her breath.
"You're almost there, Ciara" I whisper to her.
She meets my gaze and begins to cry as she nods. Fear is clear in her beautiful flushed face. "Okay. Uhhh!" she yells as she pushes again. She squeezes my hand so hard that I think I lose the sense of touch for a moment. It is numb