know Flora is right. I need to do something. I want to do something, but I don't know what. How can I possibly make it up to him? I know I hurt him. I did exactly the opposite of what I was trying to do.
"How was your honeymoon?" I ask Flora before she says anything else.
Thankfully, her face brightens at my question and she begins to recounter her honeymoon with Williams. Unfortunately for me, my best friend has no boundaries and goes a little too into detail. After eating, we go for a walk. I've been walking at least two hours every day, an hour in the morning and an hour or so at night. The thought of a baby coming out of me is not exactly something I'm looking forward to. So, I want to make labor as easy as possible.
It feels so good to have Flora back. I know she can't always be with me, but at least I know she's there if I need her. I don't go to the condo for the rest of the day. Not because I'm avoiding it—Evans is probably not even there anyway—but because I hang out with Flora and Williams. It's actually the best day I've had in weeks.
When I get to the condo, as suspected, Evans is not there. Trying not to mope, I go directly for the shower. When I get out, I hover around my room, waiting. It's only past midnight so I know it's going to be a while. I lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling. What am I going to say to him? We haven't spoken or even looked at each other in days. I’m going through different scenarios in my head when I suddenly hear the front door open.
He's early tonight.
I feel my heart begin to beat hard against my chest. I hear the door close...footsteps...and then I can't hear anything. He's probably gone into his room. I sit up. This is it. I have to do it right now, when I have my mind set on doing it or I'm afraid I'm going to chicken out.
I stand up and walk to the door but stop. I take a few deep breaths. What's the worst that can happen? He could tell me he doesn't want to hear anything from me, or he could reject my proposal to get back together.
My thoughts are not helping so I stop thinking and force myself to walk out of my room. The door of his room is ajar and there is light coming out of it. My hands are sweaty, and my knees shake as I take tiny steps. Do I knock?
I’m suddenly in front of his door. Oh God. What am I doing? What am I going to say? What if he kicks me out? I decide that if he does kick me out, I will not only walk out of his room, I will walk out of this place, out of his life. I know that if he doesn't take me back, I can't stay here because I can no longer give away this baby. This baby is mine and he's staying with me. Of course, I want to begin parenthood with Evans but if he decides he doesn't want to be with me, then I will have to run away somewhere so he won't take my baby.
He walks into view and I watch as he loosens his tie and then takes it off. I place my palm on the door and push it slowly.
“Evans?" My voice comes out as a whisper.
He turns around, looking startled and then worried. “Ciara? Is everything alright?" he asks, scanning my body as he takes cautious steps towards me.
"Yes," I say and then shake my head. "No."
I look into his beautiful blue eyes and feel like crying. I gulp, trying to get rid of the knot in my throat. It seems like months since we've last spoken...since we've made eye contact.
He seems tired. There are dark circles under his eyes and dark stubble covers his strong jawline and chin, making him look older and more intimidating.
We stare at each other for a moment, without saying a word. I’m hoping that he can read everything I want to tell him in my eyes.
I finally took a step towards him.
"I... miss you..." I whisper, desperation clear in my voice.
His face softens at my words and I watch his tense shoulders relax a little. He doesn't say anything instead, he looks down and proceeds to unbutton his shirt, but I feel my body relax when I see him trying to fight a smile. He looks up at me. "Why don't you sleep with me tonight?"
I don't know what to say, so I just nod and get under the covers. I turn my back toward him, feeling embarrassed. Moments later, the light is turned off and I feel him get in bed next to me. I stare into darkness. Then I feel his arm go around me, and I suddenly feel light as a feather as relief flows through me.
I turn around and wrap my arm around his torso and bury my face against his hard chest. His arm goes around my back and I feel him press closer to me.
It is dark and quiet, and I have never felt happier. Just being here with him...it feels so good. All the worries seem so dumb now.
Sometime in the darkness, before I fall into a deep sleep, I hear him whisper in my ear, "I missed you too, Ciara...so much."