I look down as Alfred eats.
I love his little mouth, his little cheeks, his tiny nose...
He is wearing a blue long-sleeved onesie and blue pants that are too long on him. I had to fold the ends up to his feet. He has soft white socks on both his feet and hands. He’s wrapped in a soft, blue blanket. It has been two weeks since I was cleared from the hospital, and I’m still not over how beautiful my baby boy is. I like the way his skin feels against mine, so soft. He smells so good too. He’s just a big bundle of cuteness and I am so in love with him.
He is a healthy baby, and according to the doctor, I had a good labor, although I wouldn't use that word to describe it. Still, I feel so blessed and happy.
Alfred has his eyes open as he sucks. They are big and blue. He has his father's eyes. He looks up at me and I smile. "Hey, baby." I sing to him, running my index finger along his soft cheek. I’m in his room, sitting in the rocking chair which had been my home since we came back from the hospital. I don’t mind, though.
I don’t mind that my back hurts. I don’t mind that I haven't had a good night’s sleep. I don’t mind that I’m tired and hungry. I don’t mind anything.
I’m happy here, in the rocking chair, watching him eat.
Nothing matters anymore. It doesn't matter how or why he was conceived. It doesn't matter to me. I can only be thankful that I met Evans and we started the whole surrogate thing. I’m thankful that we fell in love and stayed together. I’m thankful because Alfred wouldn't be in my arms if things wouldn't have happened the way they did, and I can no longer picture my life without him.
It’s around midnight and Evans isn’t home. Something had happened at work and he was forced to go in, but he’d promised to be back as early as possible. He has been so good. I was right. He’s already the best dad ever.
The house is quiet as Alfred begins to close his eyes, only the sound of the rocking chair moving. I pull up my bra and blouse as I rock in the chair and Alfred begins to fall asleep.
I could stare at him forever.
I hear the front door unlock and I smile. Evans is home. I hear him walk up the stairs and then he is standing in the doorway, looking handsome but tired in his suit. He smiles at me. "Everything okay?"
I nod, looking down at Alfred "Yes," I whisper back.
Evans walks quietly, leans in, and kisses the top of my head. "You should get some sleep."
"I know." I frown at him. "I just want to stare at him all night."
He chuckles softly as he looks down at his son. "He's beautiful."
"Because he looks like you." I smile at him and he rolls his eyes.
"You need to sleep," he repeated after a moment. I sigh, but because I know he's right, I stand up and place Alfred gently in his bassinet. Evans places his hand on my back as we look down at him some more. After a while, Evans and I make our way to our room which is right across the hall. I go straight for the bed and get under the covers. I watch as Evans takes off his jacket and tie, then his shirt. He chuckles when he sees me staring. He has a plain white T-shirt underneath, so he's not shirtless. I watch as he unbuckles his belt and takes off his pants and then puts on his shorts.
"Have I ever told you how sexy you are?" I ask him when he joins me in bed.
"Uh, no actually," he says as he turns off the light. He puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him.
I press my lips against his neck. "Well you are and if I weren't so tired..." I trail off.
He chuckles. "Well, damn." I laugh quietly as I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. "Goodnight, love," I heard him whisper before I fell asleep.
I swear it feels like I just closed my eyes when I hear Alfred begin to cry. "Oh no," I complain, unable to open my eyes. I begin to sit up, but I feel Evan’s arm push me back down.
"I got it. You sleep," he whispers before getting off the bed. I know there is still milk in the fridge that I pumped earlier, so I let myself fall back on the bed.
It is the first good sleep I've had since before Alfred was born.
When I wake up, the sunlight coming through the windows illuminates the room. I frown when I realize the spot next to me is empty. I get up and head to Alfred’s room.
I smile when I see Evans sitting on the couch with Alfred. He looks so small on his father's muscular chest. Alfred is awake, looking around as Evans sleeps. I go get my phone and snap a picture before grabbing Alfred, making Evans open his eyes.
I smile at him. "You sleep now."
He murmurs something as he stands up and walks out the door.
"Good morning," I sing to Alfred as I lay him on the changing table. "Good morning, baby," I say, smiling down at him as I unbutton his onesie. Alfred looks at me and my chest warms at the sight. I change his diaper and then head back to the bed with him. Evans is fast asleep on his stomach, facing away from us. I throw the comforter over him as I hold Alfred in my arms. He grabs a strand of my hair and begins to play with it, making me smile. "I love you," I whisper to him.
I turn to look at them at Alfred. I’m lying in bed and I’ve never been so happy. My two loves are here. I could be locked in and I wouldn't mind as long as they were with me. I love them so much. They make me so happy.
They have shown me what love is really like.
They have brought happiness to my life, and I know I will be okay as long as they were with me.
Becoming his surrogate was the best thing that could have happened in my life, because it brought me my happily ever after...
Ha