Chapter 38 A glimpse of the chaos II
"Ava-"
"Why !?" My anger burst and so as my tears when I faced Levi.
"Why did you shoot him !? Why !?"
I felt like my throat will hurt because of too much shouting that echoed in the whole house. Angry that I don't think I've ever done it in my whole life. My heart was full of anger because of all that was happening and the confusion of the mind.
This is too much, just too much for me. I punched his chest with full strength left in me, with all the blood in my hands staining his clothes. His jaw clenched while looking at me.
"To protect you! I told you to trust me but you still didn't listen!"
I stopped and shuddered especially at his dark eyes. I pulled myself together and didn't know whether to bend over or run Jomar or shout at Levi over and over. His chest was pricked as he continued to cry because of the anger he was feeling. Jomar for sure won't shot me, why did he have to act without knowing the situation? The restraint he put on my hands was tight and I struggled there. I saw the police scattered everywhere and who else.
"Let's get you out here okay? Baby, please."
The face of my whisk was blank as he held it and I left in front of him. Idiot and just like a corpse I also left him while walking out.
"Baby, where are you-"
His weary and hurtful eyes made my heart ache but it didn't cover the pain that I'm feeling thinking about how fvcked up everything was. It was as if I had been toyed with and beaten over and over again but still did not wake up to the truth.
"You. This is all because of you."
I can see how his knuckles went white from clenching his fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, his hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid -burning, slicing, potent.
My face was red with suppressed rage, and when he set a finger on my shoulder, I swung around and mentally snapped.
"What did you say?"
It was as if my tongue had run out and was bitten from being so tired of everything that was happening. So I could do nothing but shake and laugh at myself as my tears continued to flow. I gave him a stern and blank look before I decided to leave him again.
"I fvcking warned you about this! But you always have it your way! Fine, I'm at fault but you are goddamn aware that I would be willing to knock everybody down just to have you!"
I was supposed to swallow my anger that is fire-seed on the person I loved the most.
I'll never forget his eyes, how the fire burnt him to ashes, how he loved me through the fire but that inferno was more than his heart could manage. I loved him so much that I would be willing to trade the heavens but not this way. Because this love is the love that made everything this complicated. Just as it all started when mom and dad disappeared because of love that was forbidden, love that will never be accepted by heaven.
"Well then, I guess I don't love you enough."
I saw how his raging eyes shivered and how his shoulders turned weak with what just I said. His lips are half open and it made everything more harder for me.
"Levi, let's not insist." I sounded very tired.
I could see how tears would form in his eyes. Just as for the first time I saw the intense fear and pain in them as if there was no medicine to cure him.
"Because I'm not like you, like your family and my family who can do everything for the love you say. That love is too selfish to continue. And that's not the kind of love I wanted to be in. Mariel , Jomar and now that woman, her child. Who else is Levi? You? "
I lowered my eyes and wiped the tears from my eyes. My thighs trembled to cling to my stand. Heavy as I heard and there I saw Lourd and with him was Lucy. I saw a lot of concern in them but their minds were also left in the air when I saw the events that had taken place.
"Please baby, don't leave me again."
I swallowed the blockage in my throat almost stopping me from breathing.
"Please, you'll have it your way. This will be the last baby, please. Just don't leave me."
I was about to step away further from him when in one snapped I saw how he tried to kneel in front of me again but before he could even do that, I preceded him and quickly knelt in front of him.
"No ... No baby, no."
I heard Lucy's loud gasp and Lourd's silent curses.
"Bullshit Ava, stand the fvck up."
I shuddered and sobbed in front of him as my knees pressed against the cold marble of the house.
"I'll be the one to beg Levi, p-please. I love you so much, b-but this is enough."
His curses thundered into the whole room. Even cricket was embarrassed to intrude on the silence that enveloped the interior even though we were already surrounded by a lot of people. It was like tearing deep inside me with the excruciating pain felt in pronunciation of those words.
I just repeated those words over and over and I no longer realized what pain I was still feeling. If it's pain from letting him go, or pain from the thought of hurting him. After of a God knows how long is that short period of time, he crouched down to meet my level and cupped my face. I could clearly see her eyes red with tears that could not be hidden. I sobbed even more as our eyes met.
"Silly. Baby, you don't have to beg for a love you don't want to be in. If that's what makes you happy ... If excluding me in your life will be the heavens to you then I will be willing to stay in hell without you. "
His crooked sad smile is my downfall. My world seemed to fall apart when he himself stood in front of me to leave me. A scene that is so familiar yet on the other way round. Similarly turn this scene, but this time... I'm the one who's left alone.