Chapter 46 The beginning and the end
I'd rather suffer today than to suffer from guilt forever.
That's what I've been thinking while I'm driving. My conscience would not let me sleep for the rest of my life if I knew I could do more now. Mariel died because she was paid to be my duplicate but for what?
I should have followed my instincts, at first I knew that someone else was suggesting that address. Did Jomar followed me too all this time? God! I'm dying to know everything. I'm not afraid to talk to Jomar because I'm sure that if he has anything to do with this, he's not after me now. Mariel and him are in a relationship, or maybe already married? Who knows?
The thing is, if Nadine was the mastermind behind Mariel's death, I'm not the one that Jomar would want revenge on me. Easy as that.
Life is a gamble, they say. If you don't gamble you won't get anything. Staying in your comfort zone will bury you together with regrets and what if's. And for me that's horrifying, to keep on living with so much of that. Mom did gamble, and so did my dad. And I did, who knows I'll end up like this? I thought it was on the island that life ends, but no.
It is not like a book that has a perfect and planned beginning and end. The world is full of mystery and unknown endings, no certain plots and set of limitations. Some may try to get a grip of your pen and write it all for you but in the end, It's all up to you. In household attire I just saw myself coming out somewhere.
A lot of people, I don't pay attention anymore because my clothes just mix with them. Some looked around but they all seemed indifferent. I feel relieved to realize that my suspicion is correct, that address is not to push me into a cliff. It was a cry for help.
I kept asking people until I found a nook and cranny of the house, I had a hard time finding that because Jomar didn't seem to be very well known here. A knock on the crooked wooden door, and it opened. A lean and tall man welcomed my sight. Now that he was in front of me I saw him well. Long neck and thin posture, his eyes are almost popping out of his lids because of his shrunken face. Inappropriate compliments than I wouldn't want to say and think about him.
Very different from Jomar I met before. He seemed shocked seeing me, no words came out of my mouth when he pulled me inside and first looked at the outside of my well -being as if to see if I was with anyone or someone was following me.
"Does anyone know you're here?"
This immediately questioned me. I shuddered and seemed bewildered by his gestures. He scanned me from head to toe and when I think he's contemplating on what to say I'm the one who spoke.
"About Mariel, do you know anything?"
I could see the sharp anger pass through his eyes. His fingers touching his underneath of his nose for a lot of time like it's a habit that cannot be stopped.
"How many times have I approached you Cy, haven't you even read my letters to you?"
"Letter ... I-I don't know Jomar. I thought I made a mistake ..."
My voice went from page to page because of the truth I had realized. Gradually, repentance took over.
"I've tried a few times to approach you and talk to you, but I haven't had a chance to do that because of the people around you."
"Because you wanted some help.I just found out Jomar. I know, I'm at fault but please for now let's skip that part. " I continued.
"Now tell me, why do you need my help Jomar? Why am I being dragged to this? And Mariel? Why did she actually pretended to be me all this time? "
He paced back and forth in front of me as if he didn't even know what to do. One peek on the door and he faced me.
"The scandal."
He uttered with deep and dangerous tone. My brain flickered.
"That's where it all started. I just found out one day that a good job was supposedly given to Mariel. That's what she told me. Until she did all this without my knowledge. It was too late for me to find out because she admitted to to me that someone who wants to kill him is paying him. "
"And that's Nadine."
"I'm not sure, but whoever that person is I'll make sure I do worse to him."
I almost didn't feel my heartbeat hearing him. His threatening with his words that he seemed capable of doing it all.
"No. No- not Jomar."
I'm sorry, but I also don't really know in my brain what to do right now.
"Let's ... Let's not put the b-law in our hands."
"Bullshit! If it's a sin to be poor we've been imprisoned for a long time!"
I shuddered at his shout and anger displayed.
"Who else is a criminal so I have to surrender now? I don't need an equal Cy! I need a fair one!"
I can't almost swallow the lump on my throat hearing the thunder of his voice. My heart breaks at the truth he says. I can almost see myself in his situation. I remember yesterday that both went through. People suffer as if it's a sin to be in their situation. These people are naive to play with the world. I hate it, I hate that I can't do something because it is too late. I nodded slowly and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
"I-I understand. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
I picked myself up again trying to ease the situation. I don't want to swallow the pain I'm feeling because I know if it prevails it could happen even worse again.
"I will call the authorities to expedite the investigation now that I know the-"
"No." He cut me.
"You're not going to call anyone. Do you think all those women don't know what's going on right now? We don't have time Cy. By the time you do that, you already know who she's going to follow."
That's him. Nadine paid Mariel and for sure he knew about Jomar. If he finds out that he is the primary suspect now, his people will definitely chase Jomar.
"B-but ... She's hiding now. She's under investigation because-"
"Open your mind Cy! Has money poisoned your brain and you can't see the real situation? If he's really the first one of the law you say he's been caught for a long time! But why is there still nothing? Because there is no evidence, and Do you know why? The rest of his ace is in front of you. " He spoke into my face almost spitting at me.
At that point I had already run away on my own. There is nothing to do but agree with what he says because he is right. Levi mentioned it to me before, that they need further investigation to have enough evidences. But if I take Jomar out of them now, it's as if I've sold him to youy death. Nadine will surely end him.
"What do you want me to do?"
Dead pan, I said. He gave me another look at the wooden door before I looked again. His eyes are desperate and uneasy, full of anger and that time I knew what he's up too. And I'm selling myself to a situation I'm not sure of. Because I'm the reason why Mariel is not here with him. At least now I can do something about it. As I said, I'd rather suffer today than to live with regrets forever.
"Is it really here, Jomar?"
He did not say a word and looked around when he saw that we had arrived. This is way too far from the City. We crossed the North just to get here. Reminds me of a country side feeling. The towering building is gone because it has been replaced by green surroundings. Even with the trembling mind I forced myself to calm down, thinking in the back of my mind and hoping everything would suit me.
"You know what Cy is going to do? I'll take care of it, if you want to leave, leave. Just when I see him I'll make the plan. I gasped my breath. He just nodded and looked at what he was doing. With his ragged clothes, he's busy doing something with this thin foil and a lighter. I was not even on my own while driving the car. He stated his plans that I think he's been plotting for a long time now.
And he's actually dragging me into this. And here I am making him believe he is pulling me. Few more things I thought about change. There are changes that are good and not. It was such a pity that people actually think that from that mere swift of their lives there is changing. Come to think of it, things are still the way they used to be.
"Don't report me Cy ah. I know I'm still your friend."
He sniffed again, he's gritting his teeth like an eager animal.
"I am." For Mariel.
"Uhm ... I-I'll just wait here?" I said as we reached a three -story house. It feels like no one is here, it looks like we haven't lived in a long time but Jomar says we didn't get the address wrong.
"No Cy! Haven't we already talked? He needs to see you for-"
"Yes! Yes, I'm sorry."
I cut him when his expression started to be aggressive. I grabbed my phone but before I could get out of the car there was a loud bang which we already heard. Horror immediately tampered into my soul. Jomar and I immediately fell to our feet just to protect ourselves from the rain of gunfire.
"Fvck!" Jomar shouted at my side.
His face was washed and his vision darkened. I seemed to be out of breath even more. I started to have a panic attack and I can't think straight.
"J-Jomar you said ..."
"I do not know!"
My hands trembled when I felt my cellphone vibrate. Levi's name plastered on the screen I had hope in wishing I could answer that to ask for help but suddenly the driver seat door opened.
"Out!"
A large built of a man appeared in front of me forcing me to go out of the car. Strangling me with his large built, he succeeded in what he wanted. I hear different shouts. I wanted to look back at Jomar but I just bent down and had no choice but to close my eyes and pray that it would be over.
Unlike the normal composition of the house is the uneven emotion I'm feeling being inside of it. It's just a normal house but I feel like hell I went into. As soon as I entered the room without a door, I knew immediately who I would meet there. Behind me I could feel the people following us. It was definitely Jomar and the other staff. Full of courage I decided to face my fate.
"Nadine."
Then that's the the beginning and the ends for us.