Chapter 51 Sorry
A deep rough voice made me attentive. When I looked back at the owner of that voice I woke up in a trance. I quickly let go of his grip and couldn't believe he was here in front of me. What the hell !?
"I'm sorry bro, I'm drunk."
I want to laugh at Ethan's deep and high voice. For all I know he is already salivating at this man. I saw how Levi dangerously eyed Ethan. His eyes are almost like a hawk waiting for his prey. His jaw are clenched and the up and downs of his chest are screaming that he's not willing to leave Ethan alone.
"Levi, stop. He's my friend."
His eyes bore into me and I can sense the irritation and anger of it. As if he knew what I said but he didn't try to understand. My eyes weakened, as if all the chaotic emotions were mixed in me. I immediately averted my gaze from him. What is he even doing here?
"Ethan, I'll go to my room now. Thank you."
"Okay then. See you tomorrow, Ava."
I nodded and nodded to leave. I even bumped into someone because I couldn't look at the road. It's funny I seem to be trying to walk straight but I'm dizzy. Someone hit me again and a grip again I felt on my wrist.
Him, again. But this time, he was pulling me so I could only see his back. And just when I should be thinking straight when his around, my drunk mouth won't just shut. It literally spoke everything in my mind.
"Get off, of me!" He did not listen to me until we reached the dark part of the huts because there were no people there.
"I said, let me go!"
His fast steps are clear that he's not listening to me. I almost fell because he pulled me.
"I'm hurt, heck!"
He released me quickly at 4 o'clock and his dark face exposed me. He was furious and almost had smoke coming out of his nose and ears.
"I can go to my room. Alone."
I uttered in his face. I smelled his scent and fvck! Still not changing! A few months and still like that. His scent that makes my heart beat so fast, his presence that makes me nervous every time he's around.
But damn it, I can't forget he has a girlfriend and they're sleeping next to him as they should now. I even grabbed his arm and passed him. I walked quietly and quickly to the side of the sea, even though I was already.
I saw his shadow on the ground and so I made me steps faster. I even swallowed my saliva a few times because I didn't know if I would run or face him. Why is he following me? Why is he here? Shouldn't she be there with her baby !?
We were already away from the noisy part of the beach when I looked back at him. His face is still the same. But this time more like he's not showing any emotion. He's really still following me. I stared at him as if to say something but my tongue pulled back when I saw his face.
My heart is beating fast. I still love it. I quickly turned around again and almost ran all the way to my room. My eyes are clouded with un-shed tears and my lips are quivering not because of the cold but with the pain, realizations and all the emotions I've been keeping since then. When I took a wrong step and got on my knees on the sand, I was even more annoyed to feel his quick support for me. That's when I burst.
"Why did you even bother to follow me !? I said I can go to my room, alone!"
I saw a hint of shock in his eyes when he saw my tears falling. He tried to touch my face but shrugged his hands harshly. She looked at the hand I had removed. One licked in his lips and it made me more upset.
"Why are you still here huh? Isn't your girlfriend looking for you !? Your baby! Maybe she can't sleep because you're not with her yet!"
He still did not answer and seemed to restrain himself from speaking. His face were just in pure hardened emotion. And when I realized that there's no use asking him, I violently stood up and walked again. I can hear his steps still following me. One last try, I faced him again.
"Why are you still following me?"
"I'll take you to your room. You're drunk."
I laughed without any humor. That question he answered but about his girlfriend he could not even answer.
"Drunk my ass!"
"Why do you have to interfere with my life, huh? Why do you have to be rude to Ethan !?"
"What do you want me to do? He's obviously making you drunk, and when is the right time should I interfere? When he's already taking advantage of you?" He spat
"No! You should have just left me alone! Like what you did to me before!"
The ones I used were wrong, I know. His face darkened hearing my words. The restraint was over and he stepped into the space between the two of us.
"You asked for it. You begged for it, why are you bringing it back to me now?"
He said with gritted teeth. I was dumbfounded by what he said. Especially since his faces are so close to mine. I could see his eyes trembling with anger. I would have liked to have changed but the shadow of half his face because of the light of the bright moon weakened me.
Yes, I did asked for him to leave me. And I hate myself for regretting it now. I always made decisions for my self because I believe that I always make the right decisions. But when it comes to him, there no seems to be the right and the not. It all seems complicated and not in the right amount.
The moist in my eyes are getting more blurry. My lips quivered looking at him, he was furious with me. Clearly he could not forget what I had done before and he could not forgive me.
"I'm sorry."
A tear fell in my eye, and just like that his expression weakened again. I saw the lump rise and fall in his throat as if he was having a hard time with what he saw.
"I'm sorry if I beg for you to leave me. But what's right? Isn't that really it?"
He sighed and looked up, I could not see the expression on his face but could not escape the violent movement of his jaw.
"I'm sorry if I told you that it's all your fault. I'm sorry that you have to feel that way. I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I'm sorry if I broke my promises. I'm sorry because after all this I'm still selfish, I still can't see you happy with others even though that's what I asked you before. "
I had a hard time saying those words but I still did. Because I don't know when there will ever be a chance to tell him all that.
"I'm sorry because after all of the these, I'm still in love you."
"Shut it." I gasped meeting his angry eyes.
"Don't say you're sorry just because you love me. I'm so tired of it all, Ava."
His eyes are bloodshot. I sobbed even more and bowed in pain at his words.
"Why do you always have to be sorry for loving me huh?"
She said softly, I felt the weight and a mixture of pain and anger. He grabbed me by the waist and held my chin to make our eyes met. Full of adoration but full of pain at the same time.
"Whether I let you go or not, you're still here and hurting. I'm so tired of all this, baby. When will I ever hear you say you love me without your sorrys huh?"
He cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears with his thumb. I couldn't help but lose the loud sobs in me. His nose almost touching mine, his minty breath that I can smell broke my heart.
"This time, I'll be the one to beg." He uttered making our lips touch lightly.
"Tell me ... anywhere Ava, anywhere in your heart put me. Even if it's just leftovers ... I don't want to leave you. I want to be with you baby, please."
Almost like a whisper, his voice broke and his eyes are tightly shut. Parts of my heart that had been crushed for so long seemed to be torn to pieces. It seemed even more refined when I saw her tears continuously flowing.
What is this? What is happening? I was too shocked to comprehend. I though he has a girlfriend?
I thought ... A few seconds later he seemed to come back to himself. He slowly drifted away from me, he lowered his hands to my palms and kissed them before releasing.
He smiled lightly and it was so sad. I can feel how sad those smiles were that shattered the principle I had tried so hard to build for myself and the two of us. He sighed heavily like it was a finality. I was scared again, that he might follow me and be here again after all.
"Let's go? I'll bring you home. "