"No matter how much it hurts, I can accept everything if it's just for me. But I'm sorry, shouldn't I be the one to say that even though you didn't burn just one or two souls on that island?"
I saw how her confident eyes turned soft and had a hint of confusion. This is probably the first time I've seen that gentle. It was like a pinch in my chest to see Levi's gentle eyes like that every time he stared at me.
"And I don't do revenge. Without even asking for your apology, I surrendered my forgiveness. Because I saw what kind of people were molded because of revenge. I'm not gonna go down that low."
My voice croaked. My throat was clogged with tears forming in my eyes.
"I will always let the heavens decide for the karma you deserve but for me, you son will always be my own karma. My brother respects you even after all of the pain you've inflicted to him and so am I. I respect you because you are the mother of the person I love and I consider you the mother of my sister. So I don't understand why I still have to feel guilty now. Don't worry, because once we're done, he'll be the one to crawl back to you bringing his mighty fiance and you can have fun. "
Before my tears could even fall I turned my back to her. I almost ran to my office to pick up my stuff and get stuck in that area. I wiped my tears and I felt my cold cheeks. I will not show him that I am weak. Outside I could see the eyes following me. I saw her shock eyes as if confused when I left.
Her lips were pitying and his eyes narrowed as he stared at me standing in front of him.
"Surely you are right, that even in heaven or hell your child will never be mine." And I left.
I even saw him raise his hand as if to stop me but I entered the elevator and heard nothing from him. My tears flowed like a faucet, I clung to the cold wall of the elevator because of the squirming of my chest. It was like a broken record that I heard over and over again the words he uttered.
I've always been faithful, since it all happened to me I never asked him why. I always set to my mind that every single shit that happens to my life will always be paid off. Because there is someone higher than us, who even I don't think he already knows. I never complained, all I did was to cry in the corner and feel my own sorrow.
I always thought I had no right to complain because I didn't deserve that. Some people are more in pain than I am, some are not able to eat a single plate a day. Others are crippled or on the verge of death. They, they have the right to complain and cry in pain.
But now that I heard all that it was like a wall that all that fell down. All I did was to blame myself, for I was a robot pretending to be insensitive. The only function was to be a good human.
Every time I think, why every time I want to be happy he immediately brings me back like this, didn't I deserve to be happy? Why does it have to be me out of all people? Am I a bad person?
How much sin have I committed in my past life and why am I being punished like this? I held my chest to endure more of the pain I'm feeling. The only thought that came into my mind is him. The trouble is, I forgot that it wasn't all true.
I was so carried away by the simple things that were happening to the two of us. I'm so stupid to feel this special, to make believe that once in a lifetime I'm the one who's destined to him and not someone else.
"Your line is out of reach! What exactly are you doing the whole time?"
I just sighed at the height of Olivia's voice as she entered my unit. My earlier sobs were replaced by his sharp voice. I turned off my phone since I left VREC earlier. I came home and bawl my eyes out. Locked in the room and felt all the pain, struggling just in case it was all over.
"Oh my holy Christ! What happened to you? Did you cry?"
I immediately averted my eyes from him and closed the door completely before going to the living area. He did a lot more intrigue as he followed me.
"You look miserable! Are you for real?"
I slowly sat down on my gray sofa and didn't look at him. I know I look miserable, my eyes are hurting from too much of crying plus the pajamas I'm wearing and a big t-shirt. And this is real, how I wish that it's not.
"I knew it. The first time I saw you with that man I know that it will turn out like this."
"Huh?"
My brows furrowed at what she said. Afraid that she might knew what's the real deal between me and Levi.
"That man! He doesn't look like he's a womanizer but he's looking like a professional heart breaker."
My shoulder dropped at what he said. Of course, he didn't know. How will he know if I just stayed in Manila? All he knew was that we were both pretending because that was his mother's idea.
"I understand you Cyreese, you have no experience with guys that's why you're bewitched by that man." I winced at him as he was busy sorting clothes off the racks. It hasn't been removed yet because I don't have time to put it in my closet yet.
"Did you fall?" She took a look.
I was just dumbfounded by him. Then nodded nod and went back again to look at the clothes. Acting like a professional in her field of bees and butterflies. She really believes what she's thinking. I don't know if I'm going to laugh at him because he really believes in what he's thinking.
"I saw you after the party. You guys are so sweet! It's like they can't be separated from each other." She laughed.
"Who did you fool by just pretending? That moment I knew ... that you guys are flings!"
I shook my head. Can't she just shut her mouth?
"I mean ... he's hot alright? But girl, no d*ck is worth your fvckin 'tears."