I slam the front door and take the stairs two at a time, unable to stop the tears from falling down my face. I brush them away hastily, hating that it's Tobias making me feel this broken. Along with being mad at him, I'm also mad at myself for letting it get this far.
How could I not see the reputation I was building for myself?
"Trisha Lockwood!"
"Not now Mum!" I yell back, closing my bedroom door and diving on to my bed. I grab my blanket and pull it over me, inhaling the warm scent. It does little to comfort me. My door flies open and Mum stands in the doorway, glaring at me with her phone in her hand.
"What do you want?"
"Did you call your father?" Mum asks me, her eyes narrowed. I blink back at her for a few seconds —
"What?"
"It's a simple question Trish. Did you call your father?"
"No, why? Is dad coming home?" I ask, excitement building up inside me. Mum narrows her eyes further at me and I frown.
"Do you not want him to come home?..." I ask her, confused by the look on her face.
"Trish, your father is coming home tomorrow to talk about the relationship. Did you call him and tell him something you shouldn't have?"
"Oh my god, Mum, are you serious?" I yell at her, the excitement disappearing fast and replacing with anger. I clench my fists by my side as I glare at her.
"You think I told Dad you're cheating. Maybe it was one of your many side hoe's Mum! How are you blaming this on me? Maybe you never should have cheated!" I scream at her, the anger finally pushing me over the edge. It's been a long day.
"So you did tell him." Mum says bluntly, ignoring my words completely. I stare back at her, my face the definition of disbelief.
"No I didn't tell him, maybe I should have. He doesn't deserve what you're doing."
Mum simply stares at me, disappointment filling her eyes.
"Do you not understand that I'm unhappy Trisha?" Mum mumbles quietly. I stare back at her, unblinking.
"Then divorce him Mum, don't treat him like shit. He's my Dad!" I yell, pouncing up off my bed. I head for my closet and tear through my clothes, finding a dress.
"What are you doing?" Mum asks quietly, taking a few steps closer. I spin around, my face contorted with anger and frustration.
"I'm going out to get drunk with my friends to forget about you and your disgusting affairs!"
My heart thumps wildly against my chest and I want to scream out loud, scream at Mum until she realises what she's doing wrong. She can't continue to go behind my Dad's back, sleep with different men in his house and lie to him. The guilt is eating me up inside from not being able to tell him but I can't do it, I can't break his heart. . .
He loves Mum and his family, it'll ruin him.
I stop for a second, squeezing my eyes shut and breathing deeply. Tobias' eyes flash through my mind and I groan loudly, slamming my foot hard into the floor.
"I cannot deal with my life right now!" I mutter, holding my head in my hands. I lean against the wall and breathe in deeply again.
"Trish, honey. Come talk to me about what's bothering you." Mum says quietly, holding her arm out towards me. I scoff and glare at her, so hard that I can feel a migraine beginning to form.
"You are the main reason Mum! Can you not see what you're doing? You're ruining this family! You're splitting it up and you don't take care of Leroy. You don't take care of me!" I scream at her, tears streaming down my cheeks. It's tears of frustration and anger, not because I'm sad.
"I try my best!" Mum yells back, her voice wobbling. I can see her hands shaking by her side and I look at her sadly, wiping away the tears on my cheeks.
"You don't try hard enough," I whisper, pointing at my bedroom door.
"Please leave."
"Trish, please talk — "
"Mum! Leave." I repeat, my words firm and blunt. Mum silently nods, her head bowed like a toddler as she walks out of my room, her heels clicking as she goes. I stay leaning on the wall forever with my eyes shut, praying that the world will give me a break.
*****
"I am so happy you're partying again! I've missed you!" Ivory squeals, hugging me tightly. I give her a small smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes.
"Thanks for coming with me Ivory," I mumble, running a hand through my short, brunette hair. I'm dressed in a figure hugging white bandage dress that has a low cut neck, exposing my cleavage. My legs are bare and I wear black six inch heels.
"You don't need to thank me, I'm always down for a night out," Ivory grins widely, paying for two shots at the bar. She pushes them towards me and I grimace at the sight of them but remember why I'm here. To forget about Mum and Tobias.
I take hold of one of the shots and Ivory does the same, holding it up in the air.
"To you Trish," she smiles. I press my shot glass against hers, ready to down it in one.
"To me," I mumble in response before tilting my head back and swallowing the liquid in one go. It burns as it travels down my throat but I don't care, I simply want it to work.
"More!" Ivory giggles, paying for another two shots. I let out a small laugh, dancing slightly to the music in the bar. It's pulsing through the speakers and crowds of people are dancing behind me. Some are dancing on top of the tables, their faces a look of freedom and joy as they party with friends.
"I've missed this place," I say to Ivory, glancing around. It isn't the best place to come but it's definitely one of my favourites. Ivory nods and hands me the second shot, grinning widely.
"Yeah, we've definitely had some great memories in here!"
I nod, agreeing with her before tilting my head back and downing the second shot. I can already feel the effects of the alcohol and my mind begins to grow fuzzy, blurring out the pain. I order another two drinks at the bar, making sure I get double of everything.
"It's going to be a messy night!" I grin at Ivory, pushing Mum and Tobias straight to the back of my mind.
A messy night is exactly what I need right now.