When I walk into the diner, my attention zones in on my friends. Jake, Emily and Ivory are all sat in the booth far back, chatting quietly under their voices. They don't notice Tobias and I enter so I pause for a moment. I can't describe the feeling growing inside my stomach, a fixture of fear and anxiety. I don't know what to expect. Tobias' hand slips into mine, squeezing it for reassurance and comfort.
"Are you okay? We can leave if you want to."
I breathe deeply for a second, closing my eyes. I remind myself that Leroy would hate to see me like this, sad and broken. The last thing I need is to distance myself away from the people I love most, especially when I need them right now.
"Leave and miss out on pancakes? No way," I respond, barely a smile on my face. He gives me a longing look, the corners of his lips tugging upwards slightly. "I have to face them some day, besides I've missed the craziness." I sniffle, standing up tall.
I can do this.
Tobias leans down, brushing a whisper of a kiss against my hair. "That's my girl."
The breath is completely knocked out of me and for the first time in what seems like forever, I feel anticipation and excitement flow through my veins. I remind myself to focus on my breathing as we both walk across to their table. As we approach, the conversation dies down and all three of them turn to look at me.
Emily is the first to rush over to me, her hands outstretched. I thought I was strong but as soon as my best friend wraps her arms around me, I crumble. I silently sob on her shoulder, my knees weakening underneath me. I feel her breathe a sharp intake of breath and I know she's struggling to keep it together too.
"I'm not going to say anything because no words will ever make it feel okay. When my Dad died, someone apologising for his death eventually started to make me feel sick. Grief is a bitch but I want you to know I'm here. We're all here." She murmurs into my ear, her hand stroking over my hair.
Her words are spot on. I don't want people's sympathy or their apologies for Leroy's death. No amount of words can ever bring him back or mend the broken shards of my heart. I clutch onto her tightly, closing my eyes and using her as my support for those few moments.
"Do you want some food? A coffee?" Emily asks, pulling back. I'm grateful for the distraction because I don't want to talk about death anymore. It's all I've known for the past few weeks and it's becoming suffocating.
"A hot chocolate would be great."
She nods her head before walking over to the front of the shop. I notice her hand reach up, brushing away a fallen tear. I turn towards the table, catching eye contact with Jake. The striking resemblance between Tobias and him is uncanny. They both share a broad frame, thick dark hair and chiselled features. Tobias' dark eyes however are the complete opposite to Jake's blue ones. He clears his throat before standing up, his cologne filling my senses.
"You smell good." I mumble the first thing that comes to my mind and the corners of his lips twitch in amusement. He wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest.
"Thank you darling. If you ever need anything, call me." He says quietly. I nod, a small smile stretching across my face. It's amazing having so much support from my friends who've quickly became my family.
Ivory stands up next, her eyes glazed over with tears. She doesn't say anything but clutches me tightly, enveloping me into a tight hug. Even though I feel like she's knocking the breath out of me, I hug her back just as fiercely.
The relationship between Ivory and I stemmed from both of us knowing Emily. She quickly became part of our friendship circle and shared the same witty humour as her brother and cousin. We'd grown impeccably close over the last year and I don't know what I'd do without her. Emily had been my right arm my entire life and now Ivory had become my left. They both felt attached to me and I know our friendship will continue to grow forever.
I pull away from her and she gives me a small comforting smile, her warm eyes full of emotion. We both silently slide into the booth, the atmosphere in the air growing thick. As soon as I'm nestled beside Tobias, he places a hand on my thigh underneath the table. The simple touch sent electricity pulsing through my blood but I try my best to act casual.
"How is Ruby doing? I haven't seen the little firecracker in forever." I ask Jake, breaking the silence between us. At the mention of his daughter, he smiles widely, leaning back.
"She's great. Emily's grandad is babysitting for a few hours so it's nice for some peace and quiet. I love the little girl but she sure does have a set of lungs on her." He chuckles. I let out a small laugh —
"With you and Emily as parents, that's not really a surprise."
He lets out a dramatic gasp and everyone around the table laughs, the sound filling the air. Emily returns, clutching a hot chocolate and a plate piled high with fluffy pancakes in the other hand. She places them down onto the table and pushes the drink towards me. I give her a grateful smile in response.
"What did I miss?" She asks, turning to face everyone around the table. Jake wraps an arm around her waist, gently tugging her beside him into the booth. Once she's sat down, he wraps his arm around her shoulder and presses a quick kiss to her temple.
"Trish is blaming us for Ruby's fiery personality." Jake comments, his eyes sparkling as he looks down at her with complete love in his eyes. I've always been envious of the relationship they share but can't help feeling happy for my best friend.
She deserves the best in the world.
"Trish is right, sometimes I think we've created the devil in baby form." Emily jokes. Beside me, Tobias glares at her playfully.
"That's my niece you're trash-talking."
"The next time she's screaming at four in the morning, you can see to her Tobias." Jake says, eyes flashing with amusement. Tobias immediately winces, holding his hands up in the air.
"Okay, okay. You both win, I need my beauty sleep."
"No amount of beauty sleep can fix that face." Jake sniggers causing the rest of us to laugh heartedly. Tobias narrows his eyes, glaring at Jake.
"Oh, ha-ha. You're so funny."
Tobias picks up a strawberry from the plate of pancakes before throwing it over in Jake's direction. It lands on his denim jeans and he picks it up before shrugging and popping it into his mouth.
"Ew Jake." Ivory giggles.
"What? I love strawberries."
"You're a human trash can." Tobias says, a knowing smirk on his face.
"Puh-lease. You're the definition of disgusting when it comes to food."
"Jake, don't be mean." Emily chimes in, her tone playful.
I shake my head as they continue to argue, taking a sip of my hot chocolate with a stupid grin across my face. I love my friends and their craziness . . .
It makes me forget about my troubles for a few minutes.