"I never should have used you to distract me from Jane, it's wrong on so many levels." Tobias mutters, swirling the liquid in his scotch glass.
He tilts his head back and drinks it all, settling further into the chair in the living room. I'm sat cross legged in front of the fire, a blanket draped around my shoulders. A glass of water and a bowl of microwave mac and cheese sits in my lap and I can feel myself beginning to float back to reality. The drunken feeling inside me subsides and I sigh, taking a bite of the pasta.
"You're right, it's completely wrong. . . But I understand your need to be be distracted. I've been there myself a few times." I mumble quietly.
He looks up at me from under his dark lashes, the glow of the fire illuminated across the right side of his face. Despite the heat travelling through my body, a cold shiver runs down my spine.
"I regretted it the moment the words left my lips, I'm sorry Trish. I shouldn't have used the one girl I actually have feelings for," Tobias quietly, his eyes dropping to the floor. I feel my insides clench and I suck in a breath at his words.
"You have feelings for me?"
He lets out a low chuckle, the corners of his lips twisting up into a smile.
"Isn't it obvious? I thought I made it obvious."
"You don't make a lot of things obvious. You're actually quite confusing," I reply quietly, stirring my pasta around with the fork.
"Well I do have feelings for you."
I snap my head up towards him and he's now looking at me intensely, fire burning in his dark eyes.
"Does that scare you? Because of how your last relationship turned out?" I question, my voice quiet. Tobias nods immediately, holding his gaze with my own.
"She screwed me over Trish. Not only did she cheat on me for months, she tried to frame me for a crime I didn't commit. I was in love with her and she hurt me in the worst way possible."
I blink several times at the honesty coming from Tobias' mouth. It always took forever trying to get him to express his feelings and here he was, opening up to me.
"I know what she did was terrible. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to be happy Tobias. You have to move on someday." I respond truthfully, sympathy flashing through my eyes.
He slowly reaches over for the scotch bottle, popping open the lid before pouring the liquid into his glass. I watch as he repeats the motion, swirling it around in the bottom of his glass before tilting his head back and emptying it.
"I didn't realise how quickly I'd catch feelings for someone else. . . For you."
I remain completely silent, goosebumps erupting down the back of my neck. A small part of me can feel a but coming along. When it comes to my life, nothing is ever straight forward.
"I don't know if I can do it all over again." Tobias whispers, tearing his eyes away from me. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply . . . my suspicions are correct.
"It's okay Tobias, really. I'm not ready yet either." I say softly, giving him a small smile. Tobias pauses, dark eyes flickering upwards to rest on me —
"I know, I see the battle behind your eyes every single day."
I frown back at him, his words completely knocking me back. He'd spoken his words so casually without an explanation and I desperately wanted to know what he can see in me.
"What do you mean? What battle?" I whisper, feeling like I'm frozen in place with my eyes locked on him.
"You don't like yourself Trish. You're desperately trying to change who you are and you care way too much about what other people think about you. You're going above and beyond to change your reputation because the truth is, you're not that person anymore. You never were that person." Tobias said calmly, his words unfolding my secrets one by one.
I find my throat tighten and it becomes hard to breathe. I'm unable tear my eyes away from him and it feels like I'm being sucked into the swirls of browns in his eyes. My fake front completely comes crashing down and I've never felt more vulnerable or exposed.
"Something happened to you Trish to detach yourself so much from the world."
I finally blink, pools of tears filling my eyes.
"What if something did happen to me?" I whisper, my breath shaking unevenly. He looks at me sternly, never once blinking. His eyes are full of honesty, raw and real.
"You're not ready to tell me yet and that's okay."
A single tear escapes, sliding down my cheek. His eyes soften and he slowly places his cup down, standing up and walking towards me. I don't realise I'm shaking until he sits directly beside me, pulling me into his chest. I close my eyes and breathe his scent in deeply. Without realising, I'd began to crave his scent because I associated it with the one thing no-one else has ever been able to give me.
I associate it with not being judged.
His fingers tangle through my hair, massaging the back of my head.
"I intend to find out what it is Sugar," Tobias murmurs, his words causing my body to shiver further. I let out a small whimper, clutching onto him tightly.
"And then what?" I whisper softly, brushing away the tears displaying my pain.
"I'll fix it." He whispers, his warm body pressed firmly against mine. I close my eyes, silent tears falling faster. My thoughts turn back to a year before I became the Trish that I hated. An overwhelming sense of pain fills my chest, tightening it further.
"I don't think you can fix this," I whisper, salty tears invading the inside of my mouth. I sniffle and his arms around me tighten.
"I'd do everything in my power to fix it for you." Tobias murmurs down my ear. I suck in a breath and part of me believes him. He doesn't have any reason to lie. . . he never did.
"I don't deserve it Tobias, you don't understand." My voice cracks and in that moment, I've never felt so disappointed in myself. I feel completely lost, no real sense of who I am.
"Oh Sugar, you deserve the entire world. At least give me a chance." He buries his head into the crook of my neck, breathing in deeply. Goosebumps erupt over my bare skin and I shiver, eyes fluttering closed. Moments of silence pass between us until I finally respond with a simple nod of my head.
He stills beside me and I turn, pulling back to look at him. The room is completely dark beside from the fire lighting up the shapes in front of it. The flames flicker across his beautiful features and I allow my eyes to linger on him. I look at his dark eyes that are slightly hooded over complete with a set of thick lashes. His hollow cheekbones fading towards the sharp structure of his jawline. I can feel his breathing become shallow, hitting my face with warm little breaths. The scent of soap and a hint of scotch wraps around me and I find myself leaning in, mesmerised by his entire being.
"Kiss me Tobias," I whisper against his lips, my eyes flickering up to look into his. He searches my eyes hungrily before dropping them to my lips.
"Whatever you say Sugar," he murmurs, growing closer and closer.