My phone rings for the third time and I groan, glancing down at the screen. Surprise, surprise . . . It's Mum again. I get the urge to drop my phone and let it shatter so she isn't able to contact me anymore. I need my distance from her but she doesn't seem to understand that. My ringtone continues to play and the conversation around me dies down as all three of my friends look at me with humour in their eyes.
"And they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours. I can teach you but I have to —"
I reject the phone call, giving them a sheepish look.
"Nice ringtone." Jake chuckles, his arm wrapped around Emily's shoulder. She giggles with him, a pizza box firmly placed in her lap.
"Yeah, it suits you Trish." Tobias adds, his brown eyes lighting up mischievously. My features twist into a confused expression and I turn towards him —
"What is that supposed to mean?" I question him, growing defensive. I know it's just a song but I can't help feeling hurt from his words. Does he mean the song reflects me as a person? I stand up, taking my phone with me as I decide to leave the house. I need some fresh air, away from everyone and especially away from Mum. The cool air outside calms me down and I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the quiet.
"Hey Trish! Wait up."
I turn around to find Tobias jogging towards me, his dark hair flying around his face from the wind. I protectively fold my arms over my chest, annoyed at his comment.
"What do you want?" I mumble, dropping my gaze to my shoes.
"Didn't you hear us calling you back?" Tobias frowns, slowing down as he approaches me. I shake my head, plastering a fake smile on my face.
"I need go come home, it's getting late." I tell him, unable to look into his chocolate coloured eyes. Every time I do, they cause me to weaken and fall into a trance. I turn and begin to walk away but I feel Tobias' hand wrap around my wrist, holding me still. The small contact sends electric currents cursing through my body and I inhale sharply, my body stilling.
"It was just a joke, I didn't mean to upset you." He murmurs, his voice quiet and apologetic. His words drift off with the wind and I close my eyes, composing myself. I know I shouldn't be upset but it lies deeper than Tobias' comment.
I feel myself being tugged backwards against his body despite him barely using any force. When I slowly turn around, he's inches away from me. His eyes are almost black in the dark, only illuminated slightly by the street lamp above him. It creates shadows across his handsome face and I breathe in, reminding myself to remain calm. The heat and scent radiating from his body makes me feel the complete opposite of calm.
"Who was that on the phone?" Tobias asks me softly, his voice gentle and low. I blink a few times, fabricating a lie inside my mind.
"Just a friend," I tell him, unable to tell him the truth. I'm Trish Lockwood, the fun friend. I don't have any family drama or troubles. I'm the person people come to when they need cheering up, not dragging down. I silently ask myself the question —
Isn't that what I want?
To be the real me, not the version everyone expects me to be.
I struggle massively with opening up to people and breaking down my barriers. From the outside I appear confident and loud but it couldn't be any further than the truth. Inside my mind, the insecurity never stops or slows down. I've known Tobias for almost a year and he probably doesn't even know my address.
Many people don't know the real me beside from my reputation. There came a point in my life where everyone began to judge me so much, I gave up caring. It sucked the life from me and I channeled that negative energy into becoming a facade of a person. I've been belittled, bullied and judged because of my reputation for years. Because of that, I've built up barriers and walls that are virtually impossible to break down . . .
Call it a survival guide.
It's almost like Tobias can read my mind, intrude on my thoughts.
"Trish, I think you're forgetting I've known you for a while now." Tobias murmurs, his hand reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I don't dare breathe as the tips of his fingers stroke against my cheek. I close my eyes and suddenly feel him take a step back, his hand dropping from my cheek. When I look at him, he's expressionless, a closed book.
Tobias doesn't open up to anyone either. Maybe that's why I feel such a strong attraction to him . . . I watch him silently as he leans back against the wall, pulling out a box of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. He silently offers me one and I shake my head, refusing it.
"Thanks anyway," I mutter, stuffing my hands inside my pocket. He doesn't respond and balances the cigarette between his lips, pocketing the rest of them. My eyes can't tear off his lips that are wrapped around the cigarette. He lights it up, inhaling deeply and his shoulder visibly relax as he does. When he pulls it away, he tilts his head back and blows the smoke up into the night sky.
"I know what's going on with you."
His voice is calm yet confident. I blink in surprise, taking a step back. A frown appears on my face and I shake my head, refusing to believe him.
"No, you don't." I respond, my words quiet. There's a slight waver in my tone, almost as if I'm unsure whether I believe him or not.
"Yes I do." Tobias responds, staring directly into my eyes. His look is so intense, it almost knocks me backwards. I clear my throat and drop my stare from him, unable to keep eye contact when I feel like he's searching through my entire soul.
"Tell me Trish, why did you change your hair?" He asks, a confident smile on his face. I shrug, giving him the same response I give everyone.
"I felt like a change, it's just a different hair colour."
Tobias slowly nods his head at my response.
"Okay . . . " he responds, dark eyes flickering between both of mine. I swallow the lump of nerves inside my throat, unable to stop my hands from growing clammy.
"Now tell me the real reason you changed your hair."
His words are so confident and smooth, directly to the point. I feel my throat dry out and I shake my head, unable to speak. Moments of silence pass between us and I feel vulnerable standing in front of him, like I'm stripped of my securities.
"I can't tell you." I whisper, breaking the silence. I blink, ignoring the growing pressure of tears building up inside my eyes. Tobias drops the cigarette to the floor, putting it out with his shoe. He silently approaches me, growing closer and closer until his chest is almost touching mine. My heart hammers inside my chest, thumping hard and I'm sure he can hear it too. He leans closer until his lips meet my ear, warm breath tickling my exposed skin.
"Come on sugar, you can tell me."
His cool voice sending shivers running through my body. I feel every hair on the back of my neck stand up pin straight and my eyelids flutter shut. Tobias remains in the same position, warm steady breaths exciting the skin on my neck. I can faintly smell the smoke on him, wrapped together with his usual scent and soap. Usually I'd be disgusted but with him, I'm not.
"Why do you call me that?" I whisper, my hands trembling by my side. He leans back slowly so that he's looking into my eyes, his face an inch away. He's so close, I could see the swirls of grey running through his pupils.
"When something is bitter or doesn't taste very nice, what do you do?" He asks me, lips tugging up into a smirk. I don't reply, the distance of his lips distracting me completely. If I inch forward a tiny amount, I'd be kissing him. The thought sends butterflies fluttering through my stomach and I can't help but think how long it has been since I've felt butterflies with someone.
"You add sugar because it sweetens it up perfectly." Tobias responds, his eyes flickering between my lips and eyes. I feel like my heart is going to burst through my chest and I simply nod back at him.
"I strongly believe if you enter someone's life, you'll sweeten it up completely." Tobias whispers, his breathing becoming shallow. His eyes are fully trained on my lips now and I let my tongue flick out, wetting my bottom lip.
I don't know if it's my imagination but I'm sure I hear a turned on groan come from his throat. . .
Only for a split second.
"Do you need sugar in your life?" I whisper bravely, my voice trembling. He takes a few seconds to reply but his response has me quivering at the knees —
"You know I do."