Damien
Tonight, I am going to attend to council meeting to decide about the turned victims in the house that Lazarus had put them. We haven't moved them from their yet, we are going to first set the strategies.
After feeding, I head for the Ventrue headquarters. Mithras, Celeste and Cassius are already there. We begin the meeting immediately without wasting time.
After a lot of discussing, we finalize our decision and we all agree on distributing them amongst the families of the Ventrue clan. Since I already have six turned humans under my supervision, I am assigned ten new ones. Mithras, Celeste and Cassius are assigned fifteen each. The remaining three are given to Mithras.
"We are going to need to build another building in Damien's territory because he needs more space," Celeste suggests. What? Space? I know my family has the smallest house in the Clan but the ten more members won't fail to get where to live.
"Oh, yeah! By the way thanks for reminding me," Mithras says. I look at the three of them in confusion and wonder what they are talking about. Celeste gives me a knowing smile and I squint my eyes in confusion.
"Damien we know that you are going through a lot these days. We know what Fabian did two days ago. At first we had suggested that you reject that wolf girl but it is obvious that you care a lot about her. Actually if it hadn't been for her then maybe we wouldn't have found Lazarus early enough to stop him. We know her safety was threatened but that was for a reason," Celeste says.
"She is a strong woman and you need such a woman by your side. She will make you stronger. I am sorry about what happened. We shouldn't have told you to reject her in the first place. We are ready to support you in every decision you make," Mithras says.
"I can understand where you were coming from to make such a decision. Fabian caused us a lot of trouble in the past and I wouldn't want to involve him in our present. We have been able to live in peace since then and I don't want to ruin the peace we have been able to achieve," I tell them and then look away. I have been mourning since Clara left and I was just starting to regain my composure buy now I feel like I am going to crash into a million pieces.
"Fabian took Clara and he is going to do everything to make sure that she rejects me. It might be difficult for her to do it now but after some time, she will get tired of this. She might end up doing it eventually," I say.
I have been thinking a lot about being rejected and now it seems very possible. Fabian might put a lot of pressure on Clara and she may give up on me, on us. I know she loves me a lot but the situations might be very hard for her.
I wouldn't blame her if she rejected me. I wouldn't even be angry at her. I don't want her to be sad because she is mated to me or because she is stuck to me for the rest of life when we can't even be together.
She would rather be without me.but happy. She might end up getting someone better than me who will make her happy, who won't put her in any kind of danger and Fabian will gladly accept him as his son-in-law.
"Damien, you already have enough on your plate. We don't want to stress you out. We are going to arrange for the construction of the new building. All you need to do is talk to your family about the matter and then give us the details about where we should put it," Cassius says.
"You don't have to do that. We already have enough space in our house. Ten more members won't fail to get where to stay," I tell them.
"We know that but there shouldn't be too many members in one house. You will need more room in future," Mithras says.
"Okay, if the finds are there and you are willing, then why would I refuse?" I say with a shrug.
"And about Clara, you should inform us immediately if you need any help. We are ready to support you in whatever decision you make," Celeste says and then gives me a friendly smile.
"You hardly ever know her," I wonder how much everyone likes Clara.
"We know enough to trust her behavior is not like her father's," Mithras says. I shake my head in disbelief. They haven't even met her!
When the meeting is called off, I head on my way home. I am going to send someone to go and pick up the new members from the old house where they are all staying. Probably in the morning. Then we can arrange for where they are going to stay meanwhile.
I take my time to walk through the woods on my way. My subconscious mind keeps telling me to take a different route to Fabian's territory. Clara must be asleep by now. Most of the pack members might be asleep at this hour of the night.
I could sneak into the house to Clara's room. I could wake her up and pull her into a tight bear hug. I really want to feel her in my arms again. To breath in her sweet scent and kiss her full lips.
Fuck!
I am craving her. I am craving her touch, her words, her lips... I miss everything about her. I miss her so much, it hurts. The loss hurts the most. I haven't been able to rest knowing that Clara is out there, away from me and she is not happy. I can feel her sadness even when I am very far from her. That is the bond that keeps us connected.
Maybe after some time, soon, j won't be able to feel it. I won't be able to feel her happiness and her sadness. I won't be able to feel this strong force to run to Fabian's house and steal her from there.
I hope that time doesn't come soon. I still want to hold onto the feeling because it gives me hope. It gives me hope that we are still together even though we are in very different places. It makes me confident that she is still mine and she is still holding onto it as well.
I manage to make it home without beaching and taking the way to Fabian's house. I need to be able to get hold of myself and not let emotions get the best of me because I will end up worsening the situation for us.
It is already one o'clock in the morning when I get back home. I find Luther and Athan home already home. I think the others don't have any plans of coming home soon.
"How did it go?" Luther asks me.
"It went well. We have distributed the turned amongst the families. We should go and get our new members before the sun comes out," I reply.
"How many are they?" Athan inquires.
"Ten," I answer.
"Can Athan and I go and get them later?" Luther asks me.
"Ofcourse," I respond and Luther nods.
"I am going to go upstairs," I say, excusing myself.
"Sure. Go ahead and have some rest," Athan says to me. They also know that I am not myself these days. I nolonger involve myself in family conversations. If I am around them, then I am always quiet and lost in thoughts.
When I enter my bedroom, I put on the lights and remove my coat. I throw it on the bed and stare at it. It is the same coat that I wrapped Clara in when I brought her here for the first time. I was so happy to have finally found her and I didn't have to worry about anything at that moment.
All that mattered to me then was that I had got her and I was never going to let her go.
I wipe my hand over my face in frustration. I don't even know what I am supposed to do with myself right now. I haven't been able to get even a tiny bit of sleep since she left and I doubt that I will be able to get any tonight.
I had started getting used to sleeping in the night because of her. Now I am unable to sleep, neither during the day nor the night. I am just broken. I am a broken individual who can nolonger function normally.
I enter the bathroom with hopes of getting refreshed after a shower. I strip off all my clothes and step under the shower. I let the cold water run down my body and close my eyes.
This bathroom still has Clara's scent even after all that time since she was in here. I can remember all those times she was naked in here and how her gorgeous beautiful body would glitter with the water droplets on her skin. How many times I claimed her and made love to her against these walls.
Even the thoughts about her haunt me in the bathroom. I have no where to run to. I can't hide from my thoughts. Everything here reminds me of her. Everything just reminds me of my lose and makes me feel useless over and over again. Everything just reminds me of how I couldn't do anything to stop Fabian from taking her away from me.
I need just one more time. One more time with Clara and this pain will heal. One more touch and these haunting thoughts will leave for once. I just need to kiss her lips and give her a proper goodbye, but goodbye would mean that she would have to leave me and never come back.
I don't want is to say goodbye. I want us to be together again. Once won't be enough because I can never get enough of Clara. I always want more. I will always want more.
Oh, Clara. Please don't let go. Please hold on! Don't give up on us!