Journey
I totally love this cover of Billie Ellish from " Rolling Stone" I love her and most definitely,I love that song.
Enjoy
"So you're sure this is what you want?" My dad asked, he was driving the family truck, I was sitting at the back side of the truck, I nodded.
" Yes Dad, I think it's for the best" I stared at him from the rear mirror, thinking he might meet my gaze but he didn't, I heard him sighed.
"Always know we love you and would never have let anything happen to you, huh?!" He said expecting me to say something but I didn't, I sat there mute.
" You don't have to forgive your mom and I, or your siblings but let go of the hate you have for yourself,it will help you heal fast" Dad said this time he was looking at the mirror to meet my gaze.
All I did was nod in agreement to what he just said, he was right.
"Don't let anger consume you, learn to control it and always go to God when you need anything ,he's always here to help you understand?!" My dad advised.
" Yes Dad" I gave a faint smile and he nodded.
It was a 12 hours drive from my house to my school, my body already aches from sitting down for that long.
"Dad, could you please turn on the radio?" I said and he did.
Guess it was just my lucky day, they were playing my favorite boy's song "Sam Smith"
On the radio, they were playing one of his album " thrill of it all" I sang every song that was played from " Too good at goodbyes" to the current one they were playing " Scars" which was one of my favorite, all of his song were my favorite, I kept singing them with my inner voice I could barely hear what I say,until it got to the chorus
" Now i say
Dear mother, how you've come so far
Your love has fixed all of our broken hearts
I hope you're proud, mother, of what you've done
It's a lifelong lesson and I'm not pretending when I say
You cleared up my scars
You cleared up my scar...s" .
I sang my heart out in that song, wishing I could clear up my own scars but I know this was reality and it felt so good as I heard the remaining song. Sam Smith was really good,how he sang with that melodious voice of his and made everything feel so good.
my voice wasn't bad at all, I wasn't an angel but I could put a baby to sleep with that voice, my eyes met my dads, I think he had been staring the whole time, he was wearing a really big smile like he was proud of me, I couldn't help but return the favor with a little shyness.
Most times I sang,was in my bathroom and I never sang too loud.
" You should join the church choir when you get there, you have the voice of an angel!, darling."
I could feel a warm brim of happiness rising inside me as I smile whole heartedly.
" Thanks Dad" he winked at me.
Trust me I didn't even feel a single hate for this man, but I was angry, he wasn't just there when I needed him the most, maybe he wasn't the problem, maybe I was,just looking for who to blame, for who to curse my pain, I really needed to find peace in myself, and I think my dad had thought about that when he got me registered in the school of priest, maybe he wanted me to find peace, peace at myself, peace with God and yes!! peace with my family.
My thoughts continue to play logic drama in my head and the sound of Sam Smith's voice, I feel my eyes closing as I adjust to doze off.