Zed had his laboratory tests the next day, but the results were all normal. I had succeeded in letting Zed believe that I happened to read an article about diseases associated with most lecturers. It said that lecturers spent sleepless nights and long hours of preparation. They are also prone to stress and anxiety due to the pressures and demands of the crowd. They sometimes skipped meals and overeat the next because their clients often treat them with lavish and sumptuous foods.
“Those are unnecessary worries, dear, but I appreciate you for thinking of me.” Zed gave me a tight hug when we were back in the car.
I huddled close to him for a while before we set off the road again. I closed my eyes on the way and pretended I was sleepy, but the truth was my mind was in a mess. Zed didn’t have any of these predisposing factors for Erectile Dysfunction Syndrome, so it meant he had another illness.
I decided to revisit Dr.Mitch in the afternoon when Zed left home. This problem really bothered me because I could see that this was not normal for a man his age. Like for example, this morning, I didn’t go to work and spent my time clinging to him after we returned from the clinic. I even wore revealing home clothes, but it seemed it did not affect him. Maybe it’s because of my pregnancy, but at least he could at least show some signs. I could help him release with the use of my hand.
Sitting in front of Dr. Mitch later, she laughed even before I told her my problem.
“What’s up, Yen? Have you improved?”
“Is it really me, doc? I think not.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, giving me her full attention.
“Today, I brought my husband to Dr. Seno,” I said, then began telling her the reason why I had him checked.
“Then, Yen, it couldn’t only be EDS.”
She confirmed my suspicion, and my mouth hung open.
“According to how you describe it, it could be Premature Ejaculation Syndrome. PES can be secondary to Erectile Dysfunction Syndrome, but usually, PES results from both psychological or biological problems.”
Premature ejaculation occurs when a man ejaculates sooner during sexual intercourse than he or his partner would like. The main symptom of premature ejaculation is the inability to delay ejaculation more than one minute after penetration.
“Like what?” My voice was already hoarse with worry.
“Like sexual abuse, depression, guilty feelings that increase your tendency to rush through sexual encounters, and many others.”
I racked my brain, trying to recall if Zed had confessed to me about incidents like these, but sadly, I couldn’t remember any.
“Yen, do you still remember when I told you about being frigid? Try to think about why both of you suffer this way. And I still remember you saying that both of you were viewing sex as something sinful. If you were in a seven-year relationship, I couldn’t imagine how many times your emotion almost carried you away, but I am sure you both suppressed the urge. And although this is not my specialty, I can only conclude that this resulted in your difficulty in getting aroused while it caused him this PES.”
“What shall I do, doc?” I already felt frustrated.
“We can train our minds. Then seek professional help and counseling.”
I went to XYZ Coffee Shop right after I went out of the clinic. It was our coffee shop that Zed had established. I just wanted to hang out and think things over.
What will I do to change our situation? Zed was apparently in denial. Or probably, he knew but was just unwilling to admit it.
Zed was a lecturer; a counselor. Would he be willing to change?
“Ma’am, what would you like me to prepare for you?” said one of our attendants, who approached me.
I usually go over the counter to check the sales and losses or the ingredients we needed to order. However, today, I just chose a table at a corner and slumped on the couch.
“Chocolate shake.”
“In a moment, ma’am,” she said and quickly disappeared from my sight. She could perhaps tell that I was not in the mood.
While getting lost in my thoughts, two ladies came in and occupied the next table beside me. They looked like in their early twenties. Since there were only a few clients in that hour, I could clearly hear their conversation.
“Are you on pills or any contraceptives?” one of the ladies asked.
“Of course. It’s better to be safe than having an unwanted pregnancy. How about you?”
“It shouldn’t be no. Men, you know, are beasts. Even the sight of your bare arms can turn them on.”
“Indeed. And I really hate him waking me up early in the morning just to do that.”
“Oh, sis. I can relate. We do it at least twice before we sleep and then do it again early in the morning.”
“Sometimes, I feel so sore that I would make any alibi, but denying him would always ruin his mood. We often fight for that.”
Zed had none of those things they mentioned.
The attendant came with my chocolate shake, interrupting my train of thought. I got pissed off, but when I saw the steaming cup, I cooled down. This beverage was a booster. I needed a mood ‘upper.’ Zed and I was apparently an abnormal couple. This should have been the prime of our marriage where he and I could have been active in this aspect, but we were not. One full sexual encounter was unbelievable for a newly-wed couple.
A plan brewed in my mind that night. When he sent me a message that he was on his way home, I slipped off my undies and wrapped myself with a skimpy towel. Laying on the bed, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. And because I was pregnant, I indeed dozed off.
I didn’t hear him entering the bedroom. But the noise in the bathroom woke me up. Thinking that he had a shower, I believed I would wake up to a passionate kiss. My heartbeats then started to do somersaults.