HIS WORDS hit my heart so hard that I couldn't move. I swallowed his word but my heart didn't seem to accept it so I shook one after another.
"No, it can't be happening. You can't do this, Calix!" I blurted out.
He furrowed his brows and looked at me with dark dispassionate eyes.
"You don't have to shout, I'm still the boss here." His voice said seriously.
My eyes widened and the resentment in my heart slowly rose. Why would he ever tell me who he is and what I am to him?
"I – I'm sorry," I utterly said.
I had to bend down and bite my lips hard to stop the tears from falling. So this is it? Is this the answer I'm waiting for?
The truth finally spoke up! I endure the pain and swallowed his explicit words.
"Look, I don't want to hurt you, but if this is the only choice I have? I'd rather be saying the truth so that you don't expect anything from me."
It was as if his words were trying to hit me. How could he be slaughtered my heart out? I was torn down into pieces and destroyed by his word.
"How about that kiss?" I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "Tell me, are you making fun out of me?! You kissed me, Calix. Is that all just a joke? You know how much I like you!"
I caught him clenched his jaw and gasping heavily. It also did a few shakes before staring straight into my eyes.
"Well, A good joke was always getting a big laugh isn't it?" Then I laugh as harder as I could.
"Cherry..." he calmly said to grab one of my arms.
"I'm sorry," he utter softly.
That’s not what I want to hear from him. Because sorry is not a word for forgiveness. Is it a word of goodbyes?
I pulled my arm away from him with all my might before I left his office without warning.
Jacky greeted me with wide smiles but I just passed and ran towards CR. I quietly cried inside the cubicle. I thought I dared to face the truth. I just thought that, because no matter how brave you are, you can still feel pain.
"Cherry, are you okay?!" Jacky knocked repeatedly from the door.
I sniffed and wiped away the tears. "Yeah, I'm fine," I answered.
"I'll wait for you outside," she said before I could hear her footsteps away from the bathroom.
I bit my lips hard. How am I going to deal with Calixto again without feeling anything?
****
I don’t know how I spend the days as if everything is just fine. I go to work every night. I could see Calixto but I couldn't look him in the eyes. I didn't bother to say anything, especially when crossed our way to the restaurant. I built a wall between the two of us. Because that’s what it should be and that’s what is right.
There were times, that I have to come over to ask for an order. He was the one who tossed at the bar counter with Yul when he was not in the office.
Again I choose to be silent and civilized. Just work and nothing personal. But what disappointed me was when he brought his girlfriend here one night for their first month anniversary and this is where Amanda wants to celebrate after they have dinner at a famous restaurant.
"Hey, are you okay?" Jacky elbowed me as I arranged some glasses next to Yul.
"Hmm..." I nodded.
"Look at them? Isn't it like a slap in the face to you when he brings his new girlfriend here?" She leaned back and folded his arms looking at a table where Calixto and Amanda were. There are also with some of their friends.
"Let them go, he has the right to invite whoever he wants here in his restaurant," I says and continued what I was doing.
"Even though he knew you would be hurt, but he still did mean it. " He looked at me again but didn't continue to say anything.
"I mean, he doesn't feel anything for me." She continuation.
"It's not like that, but it looks like that too." She shrugged her shoulder.
I just shook my head and went back to work. I just chose to avoid looking at them get busy with work.
****
"Cherry take this bucket to their table. “Yul handed me the Ice bucket with beer.
I stared at him but it just raised an eyebrow at me.
"That's a command!" He even points out Calixto's table.
I was not mistaken because Calixto's gaze was focused on me. And he gives me an order look.
"Damn," I whispered. I pulled out the Ice bucket and slowly walked closer to their table.
"Cherry made! What's a surprise, you're still working here?" Amanda greeted me warmly.
I didn’t smile but put down the Ice bucket I was holding.
"Come join us? Please, sweetheart?" I saw her tap Calixto's arm before looking up at me.
"I still have a job to do." I refused to try to turn around but I felt Calixto's hand on my wrist to stop me.
"Sit down." He commanded me. It can be seen in his eyes that he is not joking with what he said.
I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath before facing him. He pulled out a chair at the other table and squeezed next to her.
"Sit down and join us." He ordered again so even though I wanted to refuse I couldn't do anything because he ordered me.
"Your loyalty to Calixto is unbelievable, huh?" One woman spoke. I don’t remember the name but I'm sure I saw her at the school before.
"What loyalty are you referring to, Icy?" Amanda raised an eyebrow at her.
"Of course, at work." Then laugh out loud.
I clasped my hands with the tension rising in my heart.
"Ah, how many years have you been here?" Amanda asking.
"Three years." I sparingly answer before bowing slightly.
"See? You even beat Amanda." The girl named Icy smirked at Amanda.
"Whatever!" Amanda rolled her eyes.
She dropped me a glass of vodka. "Drink it." She commands me.
"I'm sorry, I don't drink at work." I refused.
"Is that true? Or did you just give your boss a good shot?" Her eyebrows twitched.
"Amanda." Calixto stopped her.
"Just have a drink." She told me so I glanced at Calixto next to me that I couldn’t read what was running through his mind.
I looked at the wine in the glass I was holding and closed my eyes as I drank. Inevitably my face wrinkled because of the bad taste.
"Great! One more!" One of his friends seemed happy to put me a glass of vodka.
I looked again at Calixto who was staring into my eyes. "Drink it." She ordered again.
Oh, Fuck! I bit my lip and kissed the glass again to suck its contents.
"Hooah!" I gathered the courage to feel its heat pull down my throat.
"Yeah!!" Almost at the same time, they chant and raised the glass again for a toast.
I looked down at the glass that has filled with brandy. Even though I didn’t want to drink it. I just picked it up and lifted it to drink. I closed my eyes and felt the heat of my body. I bet I'll get drunk surely.
I looked up to feel the thread in three consecutive cheers.
I also turned to Calixto who was now talking to Amanda
I bit my lower lip again because of the pain of drawing in my heart. You know you will be hurt but why are you still here? Are you still hoping? I whispered to myself.
The pain grew in my heart when I saw Amanda and Calixto kissing. Damn, it was like I was stabbed to my sit while watching that scene. Even the shouts of those in front of me could not stop the excitement of what had happened.
So I pulled out the bottle myself to fill my glass. I took it straight and loudly lowered it to the table due to their separation of the two.
"You are so sweet." Icy even looked down at them.
I smiled and poured the wine into the glass again but Calixto pulled it out.