"Ethan you shouldn't be doing this to yourself" Maryam cracked voice said.
It's been days since the last time I set my eyes on Nuella, I wonder how she was, I took a deep breath of the cigar in my hand as my mouth puffed out the smoke of pure tobacco.
"Ethan!" I heard Maryam calling me but I kept mute, I was not in any mode whatsoever for her advice on how I should take life as it is.
I wanted to be with Nuella, I wonder if anyone understood that she was the only woman for me. "Ethan!" she begins to bangs on the door.
"Ethan please don't hurt yourself" she begged. I hate it when she talks like this, I hate it because she makes me feel like I'm a weakly.
"I want to be left alone," I said to myself than to her.
"Ethan please come out!" she shouted and bangs at the door even harder, I knew she was scared for me, I knew she was scared for my life, she practically watched me steal a knife from the kitchen.
"Go away Maryam" I whispered as the smoke from my mouth filled the air in my room.
"Ethan you shouldn't do this please!.. Your life is important and you know it" she said sobbing.
I love Maryam not because she cooks good meals, well that was like part of the reason I do love her but I also love her cause she was like a mother I never had, she was the only person who was in this world just so she could be there for me, she was like me, she had no family but me.
For a moment she said nothing, I felt she was tired of trying to get me to keep myself alive although I had no intention of killing myself, the knife I stole to cut down the curtains in the room that had the same scent as Nuella.
"Ethan..." a soft tender voice called,I guess Maryam was at it again. "Ethan please let me in," she said.
"Go away!" I shouted
"You don't have to do this Ethan... Please" she begged but it didn't sound like Maryam was alone, I could hear another voice sobbing.
"Maryam?.." I said. "Yes," she replied.
"Who's there with you?.." I asked. "Oh please!.. " the other voice said.
"Get your ass out here you idiot!" the voice said out loud and kept banging on the door continuously,I definitely knew that couldn't be Maryam.
I stood up for the bed a bit angry, if that was Maryam she had just stepped on my toes, I slowly walked to the door with every intention of screaming at Maryam to leave me the fuck alone, the minute my hands reached the door luck, I swung the door open and my mouth opened to say every hushed word I had in mind.
"I said you should leave me the fuck!.. Cecilia?!.." I said but froze the minute I saw her, I saw the woman who had made me feel like this for days, I couldn't utter a word, my tongue tied as the smoke from my cigar left my mouth with a cough.
"Uhm.. Cecilia.. What.. What.. are you doing here?" I asked her but she said nothing instead she walked past me and entered into the room, I gave Maryam a sorry look, she had been crying over my ass, she didn't deserve it, I don't even deserve her, she looked at me back and before I could tell her I was sorry she walked out of my sight .
"So I heard you were going to take your life"she said as she walked around the room. I said nothing but walk to te the bed to sit.
" Do it,"she said and turned to face me. "Huh?" I was surprised by what she just said.
"Do it... Take your life like a fool that you are, do it cause you're a fucking cowards!" she said in a very harsh tone.
I felt her words piercing my skin, I stood and rushed to her, I looked at her in a manner not to even hit but to choke her with all the things my mind have been telling me.
" Now you want to hit me Hmmm.." she said looking at me and dead shot in the eyes, I chewed on my teeth and only if she knew what was on my mind.
"You want to fucking hit me.. just do it Ethan!.. if that would make you feel better.. fucking hit me you coward!" she said and slapped me then began to rain hurtless punches on my chest.
I stood there for a while just looking at her, the constant punches were beginning to hurt me so I held her hands and made her stop, she was crying already, I dropped the cigar on my hands as I wrapped her in a hug.
She struggled to leave but I held onto her like my life depends on that hug, I felt her stop struggling, she was now calm and relaxed in my embrace.
She kept sobbing as I planted kisses on her forehead and temples. "Am sorry Nuella, am so sorry" I said to her.
I told her how much I loved her without caring if she felt the same about me anymore, I played with her hair, we stood like that for a while before realizing ourselves from the hug.
I later confessed to her, that I had no intention of killing myself, I didn't want in any way possible, she made me understand she didn't need the explanation and that I had to apologise to Maryam which I did, she told to stop calling her Nuella cause of the story Maryam told her about my dead fiance .
She felt that name meant a lot to me and she felt it was too much for her yọ take in. If I kept thinking she was my dead fiance, I looked at her and smiled.
If only she knew.