Chapter 59
I held a glass of wine as I stood and watched them. I was on the rooftop and I was the only one here. There is a sliding down to the pool so mostly they are sliding. Leighden had just slid and I was left here on the rooftop because I wanted to be alone.
"Why don't you swim?" someone asked behind me. I didn't look back to look at her.
"I just want to stay here for a while to be alone," I answered to her. She leaned over me. Even though I didn’t look, I knew her. She's Bria, holding a glass of red wine. "What about you?" I asked then I looked at her. It was no longer obvious that she had cried before. Maybe she washed her face, so her red eyes were no longer obvious. "Why you're here?" I asked again, still looking at her.
She drank a little alcohol while looking down at the floor, at the people in the pool.
"I saw you're here, so I came here," she replied. I looked back down. "So why you're here?" she suddenly asked after a couple of minutes.
“I want to see them, to watch them,” I said. She pointed to the people below, so I looked at them.
“Your mother,” she said while pointing to my mom who was with Daddy. They probably talking to each other. "Do you know how much she loves you?" she asked that surprised me. I was looking at Mommy but I wanted to look at her but I couldn’t look. "Nothing can match her love for you," she added before she drank the wine again, then looked at me as if her eyes were saying something. I'm also looking at her and to be honest, I want to read what's in her mind right now. "You don't know how much she loves you," she said as her eyes showed what seemed to be a curved look.
"And you have no idea how much I love her," I replied before looking away from her.
I noticed that she swallowed all the remaining wine in the glass then left and went to the side where there was a single box of wine.
She returned and stood beside me again. She removed the wine cap and drank again.
"You see him?" she pointed at Daddy. “He sacrificed everything just for you, to give you what you want and your desires. He sacrificed himself just for you.”
My forehead frowned as I looked at her. I couldn’t help but be confused as to what she was saying.
What is she trying to say? What does she mean? Why is she saying those things? Why does she seem to know so much about Mommy and Daddy?
“What are you talking about, Bria?”
She gulped again before looking at me. She smiled as she stared at me.
"I thought that I won't learn how to accept you," she said that made me confused. I want to ask because I'm confused by what she's saying but her facial expression is holding me back.
What is she talking about? Why did she say ‘I thought that I won’t learn how to accept you?’
To accept me? What to accept me? What does she mean?
“I hate you,” she said but her lips pouted. I felt different when she said that and it seems like I wasn't angry but I was shocked. I don’t understand what I am feeling right now or what it is I feel right now while talking to her.
She gulped again. She's drunk now. I wanted to take the wine she was holding but it was as if my hands were preventing me from grabbing it.
"I really hate you," she added. I don't understand but it doesn't hurt or even feel angry when she says that but it feels like a sharp thing went into my chest when she said that. I don't understand myself and my feelings.
“I really really really hate you,” she repeated but instead of slapping her, I’m just listening to her.
Why she hate me? Why? Why is she saying those words in front of me and repeating those?
“Bria,” I weakly called. Our eyes met and her eyes ... there is a sign of sorrow, a loneliness.
"I really don't want to be here with you because," water condensed in her eyes as she looked at me. She gulped again until the wine was only half full in the bottle. She's drunk, so maybe that's just what's coming out of her mouth. "... I don't want to be with you, to see you," she stopped to drink again. "... to meet you again," she continued.
I frowned when she said ‘to meet you AGAIN’
AGAIN? Did she mean we had met before? Are those pictures ...
I'm confused. My brain is going to explode with thoughts! I was so confused by what was happening and what she was saying!
"You hate me?" my voice cracked while asking her. I met her eyes and there were still tears in her eyes. "Why do you hate me?" I asked. I suddenly averted my eyes from her and then looked at something else. "You secretly hate me," I said as my feet began to step away.
My eyes twinkle as I walk. I don't understand what's happening. I am confused.
My tongue almost receded and my mind went blank. What Bria told me kept coming back to my mind.
I paused for a moment while I was out of my own consciousness. I was just looking directly into the glass I was holding. I drank the little wine left in the glass.
"Pershey," she called. I heard it clearly but my body want to take me away. It was like I wanted to get down and be alone. I want to clear my mind even for a moment. I want to refresh my brain. I want to be alone first.
I couldn't speak as if my mouth were shut. My tongue knotted causing me to not be able to speak but my mind was filled with things that I did not quite understand.
"I really don't want to see you," she said, clearly. She don't want to see me? Fine! She can leave anytime. If she hates me, I hate her even more!
"Then go away," I replied without looking at her. I still had my back to her and I knew she was looking at me. "You can leave, Bria," I added.
“I hate you,” she said again which she almost break her voice. Is she about to cry again? I heard that she hate me a million times so she don't have to repeat it again. I heard it! I know! I know that she hate me!
“Then I hate you too,” I calmly said and was about to walk when I feel her body hugging me backwards.
I felt strangely as if my chest was heavy as if my chest was being stabbed as if my tears were about to drip.
“But I learned to accept you,” she whispered. I looked up at the sky so that my tears would not flow. I could not understand why I was in tears. I was supposed to be mad at what she was telling me but why do my eyes want to cry? How does it make me feel? Why do I feel this way? What's going on me?
I heard her sniff as she hugged me. Is she out of her mind so she hugged me? Is she just drunk so she can say those and why is she doing these? Maybe she was just drunk. She need to take a rest.
I would have removed her hand that was wrapped around me when she tightened her grip even more.
"I'm jealous of you," she said. I just stayed and I didn't say a word or a word. "Because ..." I heard her sniff again. "They make you feel that they love you very much," she added. I looked up slightly when I felt my tears dripping. "... they said that they love you so much," she added. I looked around for something else to stop my tears from dripping. "... as if I just don't have them."
What is she saying? What does she mean? What the heck! I am going to be insane!
"You're just drunk, Bria, so you're saying those things," I replied. Her arms loosened around me and she finally slipped out of her embrace. She wiped her teary eyes before she looked at me. "I'm jealous of you," she said and her lips pouted. She poured the remaining wine into the bottle and closed her eyes tightly as she swallowed the wine. "You are almost perfect," she said. "You don't know how I feel," she said. She turned to me and walked slowly. I just stayed where I was while watching her to walk away.
She staggered while holding the bottle. I thought of following her until she sat on the bed on the side.
“They love you more than me,” she said weakly. I sat beside her.
"Who are you referring to?" I asked.
"You know," she stopped and looked at me.
"What?" I asked.
Before she could speak, her tears began to flow. “I want to apologize,” she weakly said again while staring at me. Her eyes were stained with tears and showed great grief.
“What are you saying, Bria? I do not understand you."
She nodded slightly before saying, “I haven’t been a good sister,” she said. What ?! She wasn't a good sister to me? I was confused by what she was saying.
"Just go to sleep," I ordered but she just shook her head. “Go to sleep, Bria. You're drunk and you need to sleep.”
She looked at me with tears still forming in her eyes. Her eyes were so red, she was crying. I can't get what she's pointing at.
"I hate you, Pershey," her tears flowed after she said those words.
I ignored that because she was just drunk. I can't do anything even if she tells me that she hates me. I knew there was just something heavy in her chest, so she said those things and she wouldn’t cry if she wasn’t feeling something heavy.
It's okay for her to tell me those things. I knew it was just out of so much pain and sadness, so she said that. She was also drunk, so I had to be patient.
To be honest, I want to slap her for what she told me but I can't, I can't. I felt sorry for her and even my own feelings I could no longer understand.