Chapter 60
I looked into her teary and red eyes. Instead of getting angry, I felt sorry for her because I felt that she was carrying a heavy burden in her chest.
"I hate you," she cried. I admit that I feel annoyed every time she tells me ‘I hate you.’ I don’t want to hit her anymore because she’s just drunk and I have to understand her. I understand Bria but I don't understand myself.
"You hate me?" I asked. "Then hurt me if you hate me," I ordered. I even put my face close to her and waited for her to hurt me.
"I can't, Pershey," she replied while shaking her head.
“You hate me, right ?!” I asked her out loud but she shook her head and could not look at me. "Hurt me, Bria, slap me, punch me!" I shouted but she just kept on shaking. I'm already pissed at her! "Hurt me, Bria, hurt me—"
"I can't!" she shouted at me at the same time as she looked. "I can't hurt you," she said softly.
“Then why! Why, Bria, why ?! ” I asked aloud. Her teary eyes were just staring at me, so I felt like I felt guilty that I was shouting at her instead of understanding and calming down.
I swallowed hard and then avoided looking at her. I was looking at the clouds. "I don't understand you, Bria," I said while looking at the star, the only star I could see and glow. “How dare you for saying that you hate me,” I added. I tried to calm myself in order not to surprise her by shouting. I’m not used to shouting and someone shouting. I don’t like this set-up. "You hate me though you're a liar." I looked at her without hesitation. I won't forget the way I asked her and the way she answered. I supposed to hate her but I chose not to but I'm just perplexed about such things that always hunting my mind. Those unanswered questions. I supposed to ask them and supposed to know such things but I chose not to. So, why she hate me though she's a liar? A pretender?
“I have to,” she said. Now this is the right time to tell her what I know. It's time to ask her about the hidden pictures. I want her to clarify everything to me.
"Did I hate you when you lied to me?" I asked.
She was drunk but she was shocked when I said that. Her eyes widened in surprised.
"Isn't it?"
That is true! I'm not angry, but, still, I want to know the reason why she had to lie. I need an answer.
“When I asked how old are you, you said that you’re seventeen but you’re not, Bria. You are older than me, aren't you? ”
Her head was bowed but I was still looking at her. Even though I couldn’t see what the expression on her face was, I was still looking at her.
She lied! She's a liar but did I hate her? Isn't it? I just need her explanations!
“Tell me, is it also a lie about your parents? Are you really an orphan? ”
I waited a couple of minutes for her to respond but she didn't say a word. She was just wiping her face but she wasn't looking at me.
"Bria!" I called out loud but she still wasn't looking at me. I'm already annoyed with her. If I can't control myself, I don't know what will happen. "Is everything you said just a lie?!"
"S-sorry," she replied and still couldn't look at me. I just looked up and tried to control myself. I stood up and quarreled as I stared at the dark sky.
"You're a liar!"
“S-sorry,” she weakly said.
“You’re a liar! Liar! Liar! You're a liar, Bria! ” I shouted in anger. I approached her. “You’re a liar but you hate me ?! Huh! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Bria! You lied to me! You lied! You li— ”
"Yes, I lied!"
I deeply exhaled when she interrupted what I was about to say. My heart beats so fast as if fighting a race. My chest tightened and my tears began to flow.
“Why you lied, Bria? I accepted you from the spring in my heart and then everything about your personality was just a lie? ... h-how dare you,” I said in tears.
"I am sorry."
"You know how it hurts being lied?" I asked.
"And you know how it hurts being compared?"
I stopped at what she said. I seem to be shocked by what she said.
"I lied for you," she almost cried but she was still looking at me.
"For me?"
“You know nothing, Pershey. I'm hurting too, you just don't know.”
I could not speak as my tongue seemed to recede again. My chest throbbed fast and my heart beat faster. It was like a knife that pierced my heart and it was like burying it in my chest.
"You don't know that I hate myself too."
I suddenly averted my eyes from her. I feel guilty for what I said. It's like I made a mistake.
“I always questioned them about you. I always compared myself to you. I always asked myself and trying my best to accept you.”
I suddenly looked at her and said, "That is your job, Bria."
“I am jealous,” she whispered. "I hate myself," she added in a weak voice. She looked at me as if I was shocked. "You know I'm hurting too?" she softly and weakly asked.
"I'm not hurting you, Bria, you are hurting yourself," I replied. I know she's hurting but I'm not the reason why she's feeling that way. How did I become the reason? Huh? She's just adapted! We're not really siblings, so why does she seem to blame me for how she feels? Is it still my fault? Where did I go wrong?— by accepting her?
“I don't know why you say those things. We don't know each other very well and I didn't even expect you. I don’t know why you feel that way. I have no idea why. We're just together now, so why are you saying those things? Are you blaming me? ”
She shook her head and said, “It's my fault why I feel this way. I deserved it for lying to you. ”
“Do you know that I hate being lied? Do you know that I don't like lies? Do you know how it hurts that you, Bria, the person who suddenly came, lied to me? Do you know that you made me a fool? ”
"That's for you!"
My eyes almost narrowed at what she said. For me? She lied for me? Did I deserve that lie? Lies are form of deceptions! I hate lies and she lied then she said that she lied for me? She kept her personality for me? For what? What's her reason for lying? What's her point ?!
"I had to lie for you."
"You chose to lie and you lied not for me, Bria!"
“No—”
“You lied not for me! You lied for yourself 'cause you're a liar! - ”
“You know nothing! You know nothing! ”
I took a deep breath before standing up. I don't want to see her anymore.
"My mom loves you so much."
My forehead furrowed as I turned my back on her. I’m not drunk yet and I’m not drunk. I could control myself.
"I don't know your mother," I replied. Her mom loves me? Who is her Mother? Didn't she say before that she was an orphan? She said her parents were dead! Who is the mom she is referring to and what is she saying?
She's just drunk and I shouldn't hit her anymore because ahe's just drunk. If something just comes out of her mouth because he's drunk, so I have to be patient.
"I'm jealous because she makes you feel that she loves you more and you are more important to her," she said in a soft and slow speech.
"You're drunk and I don't know what you're saying."
I deeply sighed before I stepped one. I just have a headache because of her.
“I am hurt by those things. I feel like I'm just not with her. I felt out of space.”
I paused for a moment. I was purely to sigh and even though I wanted to leave and enjoy this night, I couldn’t help but seem to be holding myself back.
“... but you know what hurts more? Huh? ”
I didn't say a word and just kept my back to her. Even though I can't see her, I know there are tears in her eyes again. I could hear her faint sniffle.
"... you know what hurt me the most?" she almost cried and her voice almost cracked.
I just stood there and I couldn't say a word. I wanted to take a step and finally leave but my own feet stopped me.
"... you don't know that I'm hurting because you don't know the truth."
I suddenly looked at her at what she said.
"What do you mean?"
I noticed that she still seemed shocked by my question. She also did not speak immediately and her head was shaking.
"Tell me, Bria," I softly commanded but she just shook her head. "Tell me, please," I begged her but she just kept shaking. "Please, tell me," I begged but she just shook her head and instead of answering, her tears flowed again. "Bria, tell me what I need to know."
"Pershey," her tears falling down on her face while softly and weakly calling my name that seemed to soften my heart as if someone was stabbing again.
"Bria, please," I weakly begged and I know that my tears will soon drip but as much as I can, I will stop them from dripping.
Why do I seem to be hurting? Why does my chest feel tight? Why do I seem to burden the whole world? Why do I seem to want to drown in crying? Am I getting crazy?
I was holding onto my chest and I could feel it tightening and I was feeling too heavy. Do I feel like heaven and earth have fallen on me?
Tell me what the fuck is this unbelievable feelings! I don't know what is this fucking feeling and it is really heavy! I hate it! I don't want to feel this way!
“Tell me, please, Bria. I am begging you, Bria, please? ” I almost cried in begging her.