It was enough torture that I had to pass Tunde's office every morning to get to mine. The only good thing was that I knew he would not be sitting behind his desk inside there. It was always locked.
I got a gift in his absence, a painting of me.
" Mo nife re," the accompanying note read.
In the painting, I was lying down with my eyes closed. I could not remember the moment he took the picture but it was me. He lined my lips perfectly that I could not even doubt. I missed him. I called when I saw the painting. The call was filled with little talks and awkward silence so I was in a hurry to end it.
Sometimes while I lay in bed before my eyelids closed in tiredness, I remembered the moments I spent with him, the ones I held close and locked away. I knew that he must have felt bad, maybe even concluded that I was immature but I knew myself, I could not watch him feel guilty and try to act like he did not. It was not about trust. I did not want to be his temptation.
When it came to him, I was not insecure but I was unsure about my own limitations. I did not want to be the one always tempting him. I did not want to take him away from God. He was not saying it or showing it but I knew I was tearing him apart.
"Let's go."
I turned to see Madam Chinaka. I did not even notice her footsteps when she came in. For the first time, I saw her wearing a plain trouser and a well ironed shirt.
I closed the sketch pad in front of me and laughed. "Ogini!"
She stylishly turned around for me to check her out.
"You look good, baby! You look good ! " I shouted laughing.
"I said, let me tush up. I'm a young woman, let me tush up kwanu before my husband will think I am old," She said, adjusting the collar of her shirt.
I laughed then bent to buckle the straps of my heels before I followed her out. We passed Blessing on our way outside. She loved to sleep whenever she was less busy. I really wanted to question her but actually never did.
I tapped her and she opened her eyes immediately. "We're not going far. We would soon be back."
She nodded.
"Try to stay awake. There's no one else in the shop."
"Okay ma," She replied.
Madam Chinaka sighed loudly to get my attention as we went downstairs. "I miss that your girl, Aku. She was really your dog."
"Dog?" I asked laughing, "I don't even know if that's a good thing but I love the girl and I miss her too, " I replied.
As we passed Tunde's shop, she pointed at his office. "Onye Yoruba did not come today."
I don't know if there was a time I would have said more but I just nodded and we began to cross the road. I drove us to the new place I found. I was leaving and also dragging most of the people that worked in our building with me. It was a better place even though the rent per year was higher than our former place, the shops were larger and even had convenience which we lacked in the former place.
I showed her round the place. She nodded in approval as we walked around. It was a new building. The walls and tiles still sparkled. I led her down the terrace of identical shops and she kept pushing open all doors to make sure she was not choosing the smallest shop. The biggest shop in the place was already taken by me in addition to a smaller one that would serve as my store.
Downstairs, I unlocked the door to my space . We looked around the room that was empty if not for the two mannequins that lay on the floor.
She patted my back. "You are doing well. Your children won't be hungry. "
"Amen. It's for them we work."
She laughed while I put a call to my agent updating him on the shops that have been taken.
In the past weeks, we got close and she now sat in my office with a catalog she bought for me. I did not need the catalog when I had Pinterest but she would not hear.
"You would sew this one for me," She would say pointing to a plain cloth.
"I would sew something better, you will like it, " I would reply.
She recommended a restaurant which she said was known for making the best pepper soup in town. She even had a special table in the place.
I pulled my white blazer and kept it at the back of the seat as we ate.
"Nene, when are we going to come for the wedding? My dancing shoes would soon spoil," Madam Chinaka said suddenly, washing her hands to begin eating.
"Auntie, you are funny, " I simply said, spooning goat meat into my mouth.
"I even thought you and Nwa Yoruba were _ " she left the remaining words in the air while wiggling her eyebrows.
I chewed my meat diligently then replied to her, "No we are not."
"But una fit die, chai" She exclaimed dramatically with her hand on her chest.
I smiled, thinking the same. Tunde. We did fit. He was maybe too tall for me but can a man be too tall for a woman? It was perfect. I still remembered his scent like its fragments stored permanently in my nostrils. I even perceived the scent sometimes out of nowhere as if he suddenly crossed.
After eating, I drove her back to the shop and I went in and collected a few materials so I could work in the house at night. Those days, it was in the house that I worked better. In the workplace, I kept seeing him where he used to stand by the window, I kept hearing male voices that were now alike to his own.
The thought of starting all over was detestable and unbearable. It was hard to even imagine it.
If I should be honest, these feelings were alien to me. I had never felt that much longing for anyone before.