Tunde°
I left for Delta three days after I left Nene's house struggling to hold in my emotions. I had much work on my table which I temporarily forgot with the weight of losing her.
I needed to finish up some plans on my table, there were also sites I needed to visit in Delta and outside Delta. I needed to work more than before for more arts for my launching.
I got a house in an estate. It was one of the first buildings at the entrance of the estate. I would have preferred a bungalow like my former place but while searching for houses, that was all I got in the list of available houses close to the location of my gallery and office.
I let the hired hands do all the cleaning and refurbishing for my work place then I cleaned up the house. There wasn't much to do since the estate had cleaners who already cleaned the place up.
I turned the room that was supposed to be the study room into a studio. I lifted the brown colored blinds and set to work.
I was sitting there on a stool and looking at a picture of a woman I drew from my mind. It would have looked like Nene but I reshaped the nose to be broad instead of her small pointed nose. I also reshaped the face to be oval not oblong yet the image still reminded me of her because I drew it with her in my mind.
In the mornings each day I pray to God for guidance. I did not like the way I was feeling. It was becoming unhealthy for me. I really wanted to know what was the way forward for me.
My phone began to ring and I swiped the 'Accept ' Icon up immediately. It was Nene. I put it on speaker and waited for her to speak while staring at the painting. She shuffled in the background and I still waited.
"You are there? " She asked.
I nodded then immediately replied, "I'm here."
"I got the painting you dropped for me," She said. I could imagine her cross her hands and uncross her hands in the silence. "It's beautiful, Thank you."
I nodded, pretending I was in front of her. Silence stretched and I said nothing. I did not want to exchange pleasantries. I wanted to hear something else that had to do with us, not just my painting.
"I'll umm," She said, breaking the silence. "let's talk later."
I nodded once again and there was silence. I was hoping she would ask me, "What's wrong with you ?" or anything. The awkwardness just stretched with me holding my breath.
I just could not speak so I hoped until the phone clicked and the call ended.
I looked at my phone after then and severally I tapped the contact, "My lady" to call her back but I never did.
I returned to the painting I was working on . I worked on one more and an unfinished one before darkness crawled in. I sat, hoping that the power company would be kind enough to give light. They were my only hope since my Generator set was still in Umuahia.
Flourish called later that night. I lay on the cushion with my legs crossed at the ankles as I listened to her talk about their community development project. She seemed to be excited about it. They were making desks for a public school.
"I have never even hit wood before, " She said laughing and I smiled.
"When we went to their school, some children were even seated on the floor or standing. "
"It's a good thing you guys are doing, " I said.
"Would you like to support? " she asked. I could hear the expectancy in her voice.
"Ok. Send me your account details. "
"Thank you!" She screamed. I looked at the phone which was on a side stool, grateful it was on speaker and not close to my ear. "You are the best! "
"I know," I replied, smiling.
"You are just too proud, " She said. I smiled satisfied with the conviction that I had no attribute that could relate me to being proud.
"So, how is the sun over there? "
"Like the Nigerian sun," I replied.
She laughed. "When are you going to come back? I miss you. "
"I miss you guys too."
She was silent and I was too. "Alright, goodnight. Talk Some other time," I said and it reminded me of Nene. She had said something similar even when she did not mean it.
"Okay. Sweet dreams. Take care of you. " she said.
I drove out later looking for where to eat without even knowing what I wanted to eat.
The road at that time of the night was very much awake. In between driving to protect myself and ill mannered drivers, I made it to a close restaurant.
I walked in and sat at a hidden corner away from the light and crowd that could disturb my jumbled thoughts.
A young light skinned girl walked to my table still with the tray she used to serve another table. "Good evening. Have you found what you want?"
I noticed the menu on the table for the first time and I smiled at her. "I'll let you know my choice soon."
A smile still lingered on her lips as she nodded before sashaying away. I picked the menu and accessed the promises of good meals, snacks and drinks but for some reason, none of that appealed to me. I ran my eyes up and down the long rectangular card twice before I decided that dinner was not for me that night.
I signalled the young girl who approached me earlier on and gave her a tip for doing her job which I received as an act of kindness.
I ended up returning home with just packs of bottled water.
All alone in my home again, in that silence, in that emptiness, I thought of Nene without restrictions. Her thoughts just flowed in uninvited- I could not help it.
That night, I got on my knees and I prayed. I prayed for another woman just like I prayed for my mother. I prayed for Nene selfishly and determinedly.