The next morning, it rained. It started very early even before the day welcomed light. We waited for it to stop but it did not. I did not see the need to wait since we were going in a car but Tunde kept delaying, waiting for the rain.
We sat in his parlour. He wore just a white short while I was dressed to leave. The sound of the rain on the roof was the only thing heard; The television was off.
"Will you come back, maybe after work? " Tunde asked, turning to look at me.
"I don't know. "
He sighed and continued looking at his phone. Almost all the questions he asked me that morning, I did not know. I think after oxytocin messed with me, some of my senses were lost in my climax.
Without turning to look at him, I said, " Let's start going please."
He got up and left the room without a word. He later came out, wearing a plain polo over his white short.
I paid attention to the music that was playing in the quiet car. I could not hear a single word but, 'gunshot' accompanied by more noise, the rest of the song was lost in the fast rap by the singer.
"I'll be leaving for Delta later today, " Tunde said, his voice dominating the volume of the song after he turned it down a bit.
"I don't understand. You just knew that now? " I asked, turning to look at him.
"I will come back. It's just to set up some things, " he said. I said nothing.
He quickly threw me a glance then faced back the road. "Why are you silent? "
"How long are you staying? "
"It could be a week or two depending on how successful I am but I have to be back before month end because there's a programme I have to attend in the church. "
I fell into a pit of silence once more and Asa's voice as low as a whisper came through the car speakers with, 'Bibanke'.
I thought of the previous night, how we lay inside each other, clothed in nothing but naked to the soul as we both rocked back and forth in an act I knew the church would not approve of.
It did not bother me but I knew it bothered him; He stayed in the bathroom for close to an hour after the sex. I lay on the bed and let him because guilt gnawed my insides. I saw his hesitation when I came to him but I waved it off just to satisfy myself. I should have let him be but I was his temptress. The lust was gone and I could reason.
We entered my street and BankyW's 'Only one for me ' began to play. I reached for the volume and tuned it up, allowing the lyrics of the song to fill the atmosphere. Sieving the confessions I thought I could say to Tunde but doubts always held me back and I knew I might never say them to him again because I suddenly felt that we had reached the end of the road.
He pulled up outside my gate then he stopped the music that was playing. I sat still with my hands under my sweater.
He touched my bare thigh. "Can I come in? "
I looked at his face as he was watching me, waiting for a positive reply. The way he asked was so distant, it did not feel like us but I nodded before I stepped down from the car.
My car was in its spot and in its washed state, it shone and stood out amongst the other cars in the compound. I opened the door to my apartment and stepped in with Tunde behind me. I stood by the door and as he came in, I locked the door.
"I'm sorry, " he said from behind me. I spun around in shock. It has been a long time since someone apologized to me for a kiss or sex. I should have also been the one apologizing in our situation.
"I know you are angry. I should have told you earlier, I was leaving town."
I sighed. "I'm not angry. I'm used to these things. You are just like all the men I know."
He wiped a hand on his face. "I am not like any man you know. You should not generalize me that way."
I said it to intentionally hurt him. I was looking for more words so I could have a standard reason to let him go.
"Why do you think you are any different? "I asked, crossing my arms beneath my bosom. "You left here one day and told me you were going for a church meeting. A few minutes later, I call and a woman is picking up your phone."
"Yes? " He asked, with a raised eyebrow, totally perplexed like he did not believe that should be a problem.
I said nothing but crossed over and sat on a dining seat while he remained rooted at the door with a hand in his pocket. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed then he let out a low laugh that seemed out of place in that moment.
"You don't trust me," He said with a sudden realization.
"No, that day you lied to me."
"That day? " He repeated in a tone of unbelief. "So you had something in your mind, this level of doubt and you kept silent? "
He shook his head and walked to the wall close to the dining and leaned on it.
"Nene, why are we discussing this now? " He asked and my reply was the drumming of a finger on the table.
"I have principles, Nene. I can not be doing all these with you, " He said, waving his hand around the room like it harboured all of our memories. " And at the same time keeping another woman or other women. "
I scoffed, "Principle."
His eyes were half closed but I knew he was waiting for me to say something.
"Don't you preach against premarital sex? "
His partially closed eyes flew open as he looked at me in alarm. "You are judging me."
He then let out another short humourless laugh.
"I am in no place to, " I replied, "But is that not why you are suddenly leaving? to create some distance between us."
"I don't know what is wrong with you, " he said, relaxing once more on the wall.
"You are funny. So you won't even admit that you are pricked by your conscience? "
"Lady, I'm going to be very honest with you. You don't even make sense right now. But if you want us to discuss your insecurity, that's the only sane thing we should be discussing right now."
I bowed my head on the table for a while to digest the truth in his words that I already knew, then raised it to see him sitting on a sofa facing me.
"I know I don't make sense but what doesn't make sense more is this thing we're doing," I said, waving a finger in between us. "We can not keep it going. It doesn't make sense."
He sat up from his relaxed state and his eyes shot to my position. "Why? "
"I'm just tired. "
"Tired of what? "
I drew circles on the table with my finger without replying him. I noticed his eyes turned red before he raised them to run round the ceiling of the room and I was afraid that when it did land on me, it would not be the same again - loving, caring, gentle. I was afraid he might never look at me again.
"So this place I am once again , is it called, friend zone? " he asked. His eyes were in my direction but not on me, it could have been the wall behind me.
I twirled around the tail of the scarf on my head. I held on to it like I would hurt more if I let it go. I swallowed hard in silence. Suddenly he started to tap on the arm of the chair. He did not look at me but maybe he understood the silence as his answer because he stood up and began to walk towards the door.
I was on the verge of tears and I held it back - I kept trying to hold it back. He walked back and gathered me in his arms. I wrapped my hands around him, noting what the contact felt like. His strong arms, his scent, the comfort, the unusual sniffing I heard at the moment before he pulled away.
"Be fine," He said.
I stood motionless as he walked to the door. I did not grab his hand no matter how much I wanted to return to his arms. He said something at the door that sounded like, "Goodbye" before he left.
That was when I went to the door and leaned against it, holding my head in my hands. I knew, even if I never saw him again, I would not forget because I had too many memories of him stored in my head. I lost one good man that day.