The days pass and with them my pregnancy becomes less bearable, sadness, nervousness and anguish do not help me at all, I barely touch the food and that because I force myself to eat at least a little to feed my daughters. I still live with Kahin, I'm still under the same roof as that man, the person who hurt me, cheated on me for no reason and what hurts the most is that he doesn't know how to explain everything to me. I have an infinite sadness that I must always hide, nobody knows what I am going through and I prefer it that way, now I am the mother of a baby and I carry two in my womb, I must be responsible for everything I do and I must face my problems alone.
"How about we tell Mom we have a surprise for her?" The only way I'm in the same place as Kahin is that we're spending time with our son and that's not more than 5 minutes, I can't even stand seeing him, nor even hearing him.
"Mom ... Mom ..." my son calls me, but I don't look at him, looking at him is looking at his father who is holding him in his arms.
"Will you come with us?" Kahin asks. Embittered, I get up from the table, take the plate in hand and go to the living room where I lie on the sofa and start to see CIS Miami. I don't know how he can tell me to trust him after the fucking shit he did to me and pretend to win me over with stupid gifts. In me there is no longer a hint of sweetness, there is only bitterness that I see no end to. The house phone rings, but I don't pick it up, Susana is the one who answers.
"It's for you ma'am" I stretch out my hand and take it to answer.
After hearing what they tell me, I nod, "okay I'll be there" I hang up and throw the phone on the coffee table. Tears as always when I am alone flow from my eyes, sadness is reflected on my face, and my heart feels resentful. After so much fighting to be together he simply betrays me, it is somehow illogical that I am living.
“Baby,” listening to him makes me wake up. I wipe my tears and remove the plate where Rucher was eating what I did not eat, I think he has put on weight, all my food I give to him.
"I must go out," I say, getting up, "take good care of the baby please." When I see him in front of the door, I go out the one that leads to the dining room, I don't like him touching me, to be clear I don't like him breathing my air.
“Mamma.” Hearing to my son stops me.
“The baby is hungry and I think a shower would suit him," I sigh, I am no longer breastfeeding the baby, feeding him in this state is not good for him.
“Well, finish giving him his food and then bathe him, I already told you that I want to go out,” I approach him to give my son a kiss, who holds out his hands, “I must go sweetheart, when I come back I'll be all yours, okay? Be good son don't make a mess,” I give him another kiss and then walk away, before leaving I look at them and they are both with that face of repentant dogs, swallowing my tears I leave the place directly to the shower.
When I am ready, I go to my son's room to say goodbye to him, I just go to the bathroom and I see all the mess they have both made. Kahin has not seen me yet, but my son who has already seen my angry face starts laughing and calling me.
"Mom is very angry ..." when our son extends his little hands in my direction, Kahin looks back.
"Why have you put so much soap in the shower?" I ask angrily. "Kahin, Susana works for us, yes, but she's not our slave, damn it. How can you make this fucking mess in the bathroom? Behave like an adult,” angrily I push him away and take my son in my arms, he has foam even round his eyes, I put him in the hand wash and rinse the lather from him, taking a towel I wrap him up, “I want you to clean up all this mess, do you understand?”
Kahin all wet and full of foam gets up, "Sweet, please. Baby, I can't take this anymore, you're not like this, all that bitterness and resentment only hurt you and my daughters.”
As if the demon possessed me, I smile, “can't you stand seeing me like this? Damn bastard it was you who hurt me! You have been the one who ended everything I was, And what happens when I ask you for a damn explanation? You just say that it was not your intention and that you need another chance. Damn it Kahin, if I'm here it's only because I have to think about my children before I think about me, don't think that why you give me details and crawl like a damn dog I'm going to give in. If it happens to me once it's not my fault, if it happens twice it's your fault, but if it happens three times it's my fault and I'm an idiot and believe me I can be many things, but I'm not an idiot,” I get out of the bathroom and put my son in bed, I don't let any tears come out even though I am hateful, I can't act like that in front of my son and I just did.
After dressing my son, I take him in my arms and carry him to Susana, “takes care of the baby while Kahin cleans the bathroom.”
She looks at me confused, “but ma'am, I should clean it."
I smile full of bitterness as I do lately, “you are our helper not our slave, when he finishes cleaning, you give him the child and you can leave, he can make dinner, okay?" I look at her with a hard gesture so that she does not give me refusals, she accepts, I give a kiss to my son and I go to the garage. I get into my Tucson Kia and leave the mansion, I leave my mind blank, I can't be distracted or I can crash.
"Miss Cook, I have been expecting you," the woman stands up, smiling kindly.
"Well I'm here. Shall we go?" She nods, I am leaving the place again this time accompanied. After driving for 20 minutes we reached our destinations.