There’s nothing more gut-wrenchingly terrifying than sitting down and waiting to hear back on the blood results. I feel as if I’ve been sitting in Keris office for a lifetime when the truth is, I've only been sitting here for a straight ten minutes. The most agonising ten minutes I have ever experienced, I thought waiting for my exam results was harrowing, when I did nothing but refresh my email page a billion times before the results finally popped up, flashing 'PASS'. I can't say that I'll be guttered if the test turns out to be positive. I can do this, I have my friends who will help me, what's that African proverb again?
'It takes a village to raise a child'
I may not have a village behind me but I sure as hell, have some awesome mates. Such a silly saying anyway. Why would you need a village to raise one child? I start to ponder the meaning behind the saying and eventually settle on the fact that infants are so needy from birth. A new mother can't simply tend to all of her needs at first because she needs time to heal too. The Village will help raise and interact with the child, giving it the chance to grow and experience a safe environment.
I suppose it ain't entirely silly at all.
********************
The past couple of weeks have been brutal and they feel as if they're dragging on by. It's been hard getting out of bed and trying to make myself look presentable to the universe I've been feeling more restless and tired than usual. But that could also be related to the late nights I've been pulling at work and the early morning meetups with Rosalia every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday for breakfast at Denny’s. I'm beginning to think she may be crushing on a certain young man that works there.
It was the Saturday just gone that made me questioning myself and dragging my ass to see Keri. I have never felt so nauseous after a big plate of greasy food that I order on a regular. It's the same feeling that has been following me around for the past couple of days, Twenty Four Seven. I was due for a visit from aunty flow, though she hasn’t bothered to make an appearance yet, and it is doing my head in. I even googled.
'Symptoms of being pregnant.'
I had all but one, the symptoms I have are intense, my nipples feel raw, I’m hungry even though I can’t stomach anything and my best pair of jeans don’t do up. My feet look like clubs and I can no longer squeeze my sausage toes into my favourite pair of sandals. My little toes hang over the edge and I swear Sanz thought it was the funniest thing he'd heard in a long time.
"You're experiencing something a lot of Island women have to live with daily." He cracked up laughing. "You should see my sister trying to pop that sucker back into a pair of pumps."
That statement did have me in a fit of laughter.
If I am pregnant there’s a slight chance I could be giving birth to an elephant. I feel and look bloated. How does a woman carry on to having more babies after their first, if this is how it's going to be for the next nine- eight months?
“Okay, your results are back,” Keri says merrily as she walks back into her office and takes a seat behind her large wooden oak desk.
“You ready?” She looks at me as she slowly opens the envelope.
“No time like the present, What’s the verdict?” I mumble.
Keri gives me a direct look over the sheet of paper that holds the results to my future.
“It’s a positive Nessa. You’re about nine weeks from the information you have given me”
“He has super sperm too. Great!” I silently curse him.
Don’t be coy, You felt his seed jetting against your womb that night. It intensified your orgasm and had you walking on shaky legs for the next two days.
Tsk, tsk, tsk!
“You’re talking about Luca?” She asks as she scribbles away on her prescription note pad.
“He’s the only one that’s been getting into my cookie jar.” I sarcastically reply.
Keri looks at me with a raised brow.
“Wait, how do you know Luca’s the father?” I ask stunned.
“Roman had a lot to say about him after he learned I was testing you.” She looks at me apologetically...
“And how did Roman find out exactly?” I push.
“Uh..” Keri suddenly looks uncomfortable.
Light bulb........
“Are you seeing him?”
“Please don’t tell Chrissy.”
"You're only a couple of years older than us!" I shiver.
"I know, and this is why Chrissy can't find out. Yet.."
she stands, pushing back from behind her desk. She walks around and sits on the edge.
“Roman and I aren’t exclusive. It’s only been a few weeks and we’re still testing the water out you know?” Her gaze darted towards the door, then back to me.
“I tend to dive headfirst instead of dipping my toes in. You know what I mean?” She says with a cool look entering her eyes.
“This has nothing to with me. I’d love to see Roman happy. He’s been more of a father to me than my dad has. If it weren’t for him and Chrissy, I'd hate to think where I’d be now.” I softly say.
“Chrissy would want the same thing. Maybe, he'll back off and let her live her life freely. She loves him and I bet she’ll learn to love you too.”
Keri doesn’t say anything for a beat.
“I’ve met Luca a few times and I’ll admit, He seems pretty intense. A man like that will fall hard at the knees when he realises the right woman has entered his life and she's all he will ever want.” She gently says to me. “I hope for his sake you’re the one.” She says lightly laughing.
“Luca is too much man for me to handle,” I say honestly to her. “I love him and it scares me. Now that I’m pregnant with his child... I.. Uh..” There’s no way for me to word how I feel.
“You’ll be fine Nessa, You’re stronger than you think. You just need to believe in yourself that you deserve a life with a man like Luca” Her words are kind and I let them sink in.
I do deserve the best in life, I'm in love with Luca and if he can someday return my love, I know I’ll be walking on cloud nine forever.
I stand up, gathering my things.
“Thanks, Keri, I wish you and Roman all the best”. I say as I leave her room.
“Same with you and Luca, Nessa.” She calls out just before I close the door behind me.