J A W A D
I stared at my wife's small frame looking pale on the hospital bed. The doctor told us she's in coma, and they don't know the specific time she's waking up. I feel hurt and lonely inside. Is this what it feels to care about someone deeply, someone who you hurt by your selfish reason. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have treated her badly and now.
Taking her cold hand in mine, I rub circle on it. "Farah, I know it's of no use saying this but I need to get it out of my head." A lump forms in my throat. This is not what I wished to happen.
"I'm so sorry for what I did to you in the past, I was blind by my selfishness, I didn't realize I've been chasing away a good and innocent woman." Holding her hands to my cheek I whispered. "Please Farah wake up and punish me for all the hurtful words and harsh treatment, Farah please don't leave me, I need to earn your forgiveness."
"I'm sorry Farah"
"Please wake up Farah." I felt someone touch my shoulder. Turning I came face to face with my mom.
"Mom.." I immediately embrace her in a hug. Completely sounding like a kid
"Mom...Tell Farah to wake up, I'm really sorry for everything. I'm ready to receive any punishment, this is not what I want to happen, Mom. I don't want the past to repeat itself please Mom." I blabbered holding her tightly.
"Shh..it's okay son calm down and tell me exactly why you're saying you're ready to receive punishment." She asked worry laced in her voice, wiping off the lone tear from my chin. heck, I didn't even know when it came out. I moved back a little, realizing what I just uttered.
"Is there something you're hiding from me Jawad?" She asked again.
I'm responsible for all the problems, I need to take responsibility. They have to know sooner or later, I will embrace whatever insult I'm going to receive.
"You know Mom.." I stuttered finding the word to say. This has never happened to me before, it's unlike me to behave like this. I inhale a sharp breath and explained everything to her. How I treated Farah in the past months.
"I can't believe you'll stoop so low, this is not how I brought you up. You married her to you because we trust you will take care of her" By the look on my mom's face she's wasn't expecting this from me.
"Mom, I know what I did is not good but I regret my actions. Ever since our trip to Dubai, I realize that she doesn't deserve all the treatment." She kept quiet for some time.
"I'm really disappointed in you" And with that, she left leaving me dumbstruck.
Slouching myself on the chair, I buried my head on my hands. I wasn't surprised by her outburst. she has any right too, and I know if Farah's mom comes to know about it she wouldn't be happy too. My only wish now is my wife to wake up. to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her.
**
"How is she now doctor"
"Is she going to wake up soon?" I heard some voice making my flutter my eyes open. Stood Farah's Mom, Yasmin, Aunt Fatima, and my mom talking to the doctor. I find a blanket draped on my body. how long did I sleep?
"You should keep praying, her body is improving, she might wake up soon."
"Alhamdulillah." I heard My mom say.
"Brother Jawad why don't you go home and take a rest you must be tired," Yasmin said finally noticing me wide awake.
"Don't worry I'm not tired." I'm not leaving the hospital, I want to be the first person she will see when she wakes up.
"She's right, you've been in the hospital since yesterday you need to rest. So don't argue with me and go home." Mom cut me off. Not wanting to argue with them, I agree to go home, not because I want to, but because I don't want to disrespect, as I have done a lot of damage already.
The house feels cold and empty, my eyes met with the couch in the room. Our room. I remembered the last conversation we had on that couch, I should've told her about my feeling back then. I sat on the couch for what felt like forever. A painful smile made it way out of my lips, I feel so empty inside. Insha Allah I'll make it up to her, she's not going to leave my sight even for a second. My body moves on its own accord towards the closet, taking one of her dress the one she always wears, I think it's her favorite dress. I remembered the day she wore it to the date, she looked so beautiful and attractive, I couldn't keep my eyes off her and when the waiter tried flirting with her, Allah knows I was angry deep down, I just didn't let my guard down.
The buzzing of my phone brought me back from my thought. Myrah's name flashed across the screen. I inhale a deep breath preparing myself for whatever she's going to say.
"Assalam Alaikum" I muttered calmly.
"Jawad I heard Farah got into an accident, does that have anything to do with you because if it is I'm not going to forgive you.." She lashed from the other end.
And now everyone is blaming you Jawad.
"Seriously Jawad, I don't know what Farah ever did to you, last time I checked our family are the ones that got you two married what is her fault in this." She continued.
"I know I treated her badly in the past, but we're gradually getting closer to each other and now the accident. You know Myrah I don't want the past to repeat itself. I won't be able to forgive myself if something happened to her." The line went quiet for some time.
"Do you love her? I mean sincerely?" She asked
I don't have to think twice.
"Myrah I love her so much, she has become a part of my life, without her I'll be nothing"
"Okay I trust you, but if you dare break her heart again, you will have to face me." With that, she hung up.
"That isn't happening, I promise"
**
After resting for a while I took a shower together with isha namaz.
"Ya Allah, you're the forgiver. Ya Allah forgive my sins, Ya Allah heal my wife from the pain she's experiencing.
Ya Allah, I know I've made a lot of mistakes in this marriage. I realized that whatever Allah has chosen for you, no one can take it away.
Ya Allah you're the hearer and the forgiver, forgive my sin and increase my iman.
I spent almost one hour on the prayer mat telling Allah my problems. I know it's being long since I sat like this praying.
Alhamdulillah for finally realizing all my mistakes.
Taking my car keys, I drove to the hospital stepping inside the room, all eyes turn to me. The way they look at me made me feel uneasy.
"I thought I told you to rest at home." Mom said breaking the silence.
"How is she now?" I asked moving towards Farah's bed, completely ignoring her questions
"Her condition is getting better now, you should keep praying," the doctor said while checking her vital. Insha Allah My Farah will wake up and everything will be okay, we will be together again.