Rudrani:
I was on a call as Ashu went to get fresh up.
"Sweet heart," Ashu called me and I turned towards him with a smile.
I disconnected the call.
"I will bring coffee for you. Do you need anything else?" I asked him.
"I don't want anything else except my love," Ashu said and pulled me into his hug.
He wrapped his arms around my waist making me blush and I felt as if my legs may lose balance to stand with his touch. His hand on my waist is making me shiver but at the sametime I want him to be close to me all the time. I closed my eyes as he started teasing me by designing my waist with his fingers. Ashu moved my hairs to a side and kissed my back. His kisses became more and more with each second. Then he buried his head in my neck inhaling my fragrance. He started kissing and something else which I didn't feel good. Goosebumps formed over my body and I pushed him away with all the force as past started haunting me again as a wound that never heals.
Ashu looked at me shockingly and tears flowed down my eyes. Why did I push him away? I love him but my past is not allowing me to feel his love and give him his rights on his wife. It's not that I am uncomfortable with Ashu or I want to stay away from him. I am happy in his love and I want him to be with me all the time. When he gets romantic, I love it and want to leave myself in his love. But, the se*ual abuse which I faced in my childhood makes me get scared and impossible to allow him to get intimate with me.
"I am sorry," I said crying. I shouldn't hurt Ashu but how can I control my fears over which I really have no control.
Ashu came to me and hugged me caressing my hairs.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay. Don't cry."
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Ashu!"
"I can understand that, sweetheart. Stop crying. You didn't hurt me. I just went with the flow as you are responding and suddenly forgot to notice your reactions. Please don't cry, slowly you will recover completely. From next time, I will be more careful."
Ashu pacified me. He gave water to me and wiped my tears away. He hugged me close to his heart making me forget everything.
"Sweet heart, I heard your phone conversation. Tell me what's bothering you?"
I scared listening his words though his voice is soft and showed concern and love.
"Ashu, actually there is a tour in my college."
I closed my eyes tightly resting on his heart as I didn't want to see his angry expressions. Previously, as I didn't love him, I never worried about his feelings or anger. But, now I didn't want Ashu to be mad at me.
"But I am not going. I know last time you sent me for tour but I broken your trust lying to you. Now I don't have such freedom to go for tour as a punishment for my mistake. I can understand that and it's not bad. Please don't be angry," I said holding his shirt tightly.
I felt Ashu caressing my hairs and kissed my cheek.
"Open your eyes, baby," Ashu said very softly.
"Aren't you angry with me? I can't see your angry looks," I said.
"No, I am not angry with my lovely wife," Ashu said kissing me again.
I slowly opened my one eye to check that whether he is angry or not. Seeing his smiling face, I opened my eyes. As soon as I opened my eyes, Ashu started tinkling me. I laughed so much forgetting the issue. He gave few kisses on my face and then pulled me into his lap. He hugged me from behind.
"So, when is the tour and for how many days?"
"After two days and tour is for a week," I answered.
"Do you want to go?" Ashu asked.
"No no, I mean.."
"You can go for the tour," Ashu said.
"But..... " I stopped as I don't know what to say.
"Rudrani, I agree that your lie hurt me. It almost killed my trust on you. That's the reason I didn't stop you when you went to your parental home. However later when your dad approached me for you, I understood my mistake.
If you did a mistake by lying, it doesn't mean I too should do another mistake by leaving you. Trust is tough to build but easy to break. Today you were guilty to tell me that you want to go for the tour remembering your lie. I just want to say one thing. I hope this situation never repeats in our life again. This time it won't break trust alone but my love too and this relationship too may see cracks."
I looked at him shockingly.
"I love you, Rudrani. But it doesn't mean you can play with my trust and feelings. If the feelings and love are not reciprocated, it's tough to continue a relationship. Maybe as you didn't love me at that time, you lied to me. I didn't want to judge you or your character just with that one incident because except that you didn't commit any mistake. So, I chose to love and trust you as before."
"Ashu, I promise you. I never hurt you ever. I won't lie to you anytime," I said looking into his eyes.
Ashu smiled.
"I know because you are my most loving wife."
"One week! Quite a longtime for me. How can I stay without you. Especially without kissing you," Ashu said keeping sad face.
"I will give you all the kisses at once after returning."
"No. I want interest for that. I mean more and more sundaes from you," Ashu said and I hit him on his shoulder.
"You are making me unable to speak with your words. Do you know something? I never thought I will blush like this or will speak about all this stuff. You changed me," I pouted.
"I will change you more into a sweet, cute and romantic wife by removing your phobia and making you to forget your past."
"Ashu, do you want me to change anything in me?"
I asked slowly as I didn't want to hurt Ashu anytime in my life. I just want Ashu and his love. This was the first time I am experiencing the love of someone in my life. It really feels good to be loved by my husband unconditionally and truly.
Ashu hugged me from the side.
"Sweet heart, I married you because I love you. I love you because of your nature, mentality, character and every trait. If I ask you to change, then it means that I didn't love you. The one who loves oneself more than his beloved forces the beloved to change for him. But, I love you more than myself. I agree that few times your decisions hurt me but that's temporary. If I ask you to change anything in you, throughout my life I feel guilty for that. Moreover I love you as you are and putting conditions is not love in my opinion."
I looked into his eyes as I believe lips may lie but not eyes. His eyes are showing genuinty which confirms every word said by him is true. How can he be this loving, sweet, caring and understanding? What did I do to deserve this love? Till now I didn't do anything for him but still he loves me so much. I thought marriage is the worst moment in my life but now I regret my words. Marrying Ashu is the best moment in my life which led to sequence of many best moments.
"Why do you love me so much, Ashu? Before our marriage, you didn't know anything about me. Then why did you marry me even though you know that I hate you? Almost everyone considers outer beauty of a person but you chose me who is an acid attack victim. How did you know that I will be right choice to you? You rejected mom's friend's daughter though she is equal to you in everything and even Artika. Why do you choose me over them?"