Rudrani:
I came to my room. Why can't Ashu understand that I can't do both the jobs? This is my final year, and I need to focus on my studies. How can I talk this to Ashu?
I went to the hospital to report. I don't know to whom I should share my problem. What if I write a letter and keep it in the holder of my cabin door? Maybe my unknown friend helps me. I took a paper and wrote the letter.
"Dear friend,
I really don't know to whom I should share my problem. So, I am asking your advice.
Actually, when Ashu declined the application of advance salary, I asked help from my principal madam. She agreed to help if I become tutor to her daughter the medicine entrance test. I agreed and decided to quit the job at the hospital. But, today Ashu ordered me not to quit the job here. I really didn't want to make him angry again. So, I accepted.
Being a final student of MBBS, I must dedicate my time to my studies. I don't know how I can manage both the jobs and studies. Please advise me, what to do.
Your friend,
Rudrani."
I kept the letter to the holder and closed the door as I know he won't take letter until I leave. After one hour, I opened the door and found his letter.
"Dear friend,
I don't think what your husband said is wrong. Of course, he should have agreed to help you in the first instance, but it's his mistake to make you find other alternatives. Keep it aside, let's talk about your problem.
Your husband asked you to work in the hospital but did he mention how many hours you should work a day? If he didn't, talk to him and convince him to permit you to work for few hours. Ask your principal to send her daughter to your home, if you have a separate room. So that you can teach her and study at the same time. You can continue both jobs within those hours you dedicated for a part-time job. Working in the hospital helps you to gain experience and don't quit this job.
Friend, the best companion of a wife, should be her husband. Try to talk freely with your husband. Explain him your problem and tell him clearly what you want. I hope he will understand you. All the best.
Your Unknown Friend."
I smiled reading the letter. I too want to be free with Ashu but what if he didn't understand me? It's not that Ashu is a bad husband. I know he is very understanding and supportive, but still, I was scared to share my feelings with him. Ashu didn't even react when I said I love him. Maybe it doesn't matter to him.
I checked Ashu's cabin to talk about working hours, but he left already. I went to the home after completing my duty hours. Ashu was in the living room talking to his friends. They were enjoying friends time. Ashu was laughing and they four were teasing each other. But, looks stopped at Ashu who is very handsome while laughing. I smiled and went to my room.
I got fresh up and took my books to study, but I heard some sound from the kitchen. I went there and saw Ashu struggling with dishes with a bandage to his hand. What happened to his hand?
I rushed to him and held the bowls which he was unable to catch.
"What happened to your hand?" I asked with tears seeing his hand.
"Nothing," Ashu replied.
I caught his hand and checked the injury.
"How does it happened?"
"No need to worry much about this. Leave my hand," Ashu took away his hand from mine.
"Ashu, what did I do? Why are you angry with me?" I asked.
"What's wrong with you? Didn't I tell you not to show any concern for me? Just don't interfere in my life," Ashu said seriously.
Ashu tried to prepare something.
"I will do it," I said taking milk packet from his hand.
"I said stay away," Ashu shouted again.
"Stop it, Ashu. Do you want to demonstrate that as you are my husband, you can shout at me unnecessarily? However, I am not a wife who bears unnecessary frustration of my husband. Move aside, I will prepare coffee," I said seriously snatching milk packet from his hands.
Ashu moved aside and sat on the kitchen platform eating an apple and looking at me. I gave coffee to him. He drank it. How can he eat an apple and drink coffee at the same time? This mad monkey always makes me go mad. I was leaving to my room, but unexpectedly Ashu pulled me towards him. I lost my balance and about to fall, but he held me carefully placing his hand around my waist.
"What?" I asked.
"Before leaving to Sanjay's home, you said something. Is it true? I mean did you say that thinking me as your husband or friend? Or did you say for allowing you to come back to our home?" Ashu asked.
This monkey remembered that just now. You didn't react when I said and now you can't hear those words from me that easily.
"I didn't get you, sir," I said sarcastically and with anger.
"Sir???" Ashu asked with shock.
"Before few days, you said that I should call you as sir and not Ashu," I smirked.
"No, that's when we are in our hospital and not at home," Ashu said.
"But I am just a guest, and you are not that close to me to call you as Ashu," I said.
"Are you hurt for asking you to stay in the guest room?" Ashu asked cupping my face.
"I am hurt for asking me to stay away from you," I said slowly.
"Rudrani, you said you love me. But, how can I believe it when you always try to go away from me and never talks freely with me?"
"I don't say anything to make someone, believe me, I just say it off as I feel it," I said trying to divert the topic.
"Rudrani, I am serious. Where do I go wrong in creating trust on me in you to share everything with me? I am not forcing you to share secrets of Sanjay or someone. But, I want you to share your emotions, feelings, and opinions. If I am happy or sad, I feel to share it with my parents and you. But, if you feel happy or sad, you prefer to be alone than sharing it with me. If this is the case, do you think we can go further in our life?
Rudrani, I love you, but I can't be in the dark trying lifelong to understand my wife."
I didn't speak anything because I know I am wrong. I closed my tears while the pain in the heart came out in the form of water drops from my eyes. It's very true that eyes reflect all our emotions. I felt to hug Ashu and cry, but I stopped myself. Ashu held me both hands.
"Sweetheart, I want to be a husband who is a good friend to you. We share everything with our friends, not even with our family. I want to be such a friend to you. I am your...... "
I pushed Ashu away and ran into my room crying. I noticed Ashu following me, so I closed the door. I cried falling or sitting on the floor. All the memories which made me an introvert or a girl of mystery struck me hard. My face covered with tears and head started aching badly. I want to sleep. I heard Ashu calling me and knocking the door, but I ignored everything. I felt a slight pain in my heart. I took tablets from my handbag suggested by my psychiatrist and slept immediately to stop the haunting past that destroys my peace.