Gold's POV
"Gold, you know how important safety is for you and everyone. What's with you today? "
I was lost, my mind afloat and even after three to four medics were kneeling in front of me to stitch the cut on my ankle, I wasn't exactly bothered. I don't care and the words they keep telling me isn't even registering on my fucked up system.
Of course I knew how everyone was in a panic, voices everywhere, contingency plans getting thrown here and there, but I don't care.
Because my mind was still blank.
Manager Sej was lecturing me right now while the rest of the boys were around us.
"Gold, are you even listening?"
I lifted my gaze only to be back on a daze.
They've injected anesthesia on me. Apparently, the cut was a little deep.
I was so out of focus earlier that I bump straight to the pile of equipments. I was left out of balance and somehow, one piece of equipment ended up hitting my foot.
Lots of blood came out of it and it was Demo who saw me first.
The whole crew was in panic and me being so goddamn distracted at this point is even scaring them.
"Gold, were you playing?" I heard Mono asked and I just shake my head. I can clearly see the worried expression on their face.
By this time, my mind is still somewhere, back to that very special girl that apparently, heartbroken because of me.
Synn, she just broke up with me.
My lips parted, the idea still not registering on my mind.
Don't ever call me again coz I won't answer...
"I think he was shocked," Raze stated and I watch the man bent down in front of me who kept on stitching. I can't even feel the pain.
I don't feel anything.
Don't come to our dorm coz I won't let you in...
"Gold, are you okay?"
Don't come near me...
"Yah, Gold..."
We're over....
"Gold!"
I was startled when I heard Eros' loud voice. My eyes caught everyone's gaze. Demo was biting his fingers.
"I'm okay..." I whispered. But I knew better. Synn just fucking broke up with me.
Because I was stupid. Those days I was struggling after what Sejeong did to me, it was Synn who was there.
Day by day, I found myself being used with her presence, until I found myself admitting that I like her.
When she started avoiding me, I was so pissed off. I got scared whatever we were sharing that time will eventually head into drain. So I asked her to be my girlfriend.
But then, when they started to question my feelings between the two, I started to get confused and found myself communicating with my ex to assess how I feel.
I wasn't sure. I knew I like Synn but I also know I liked Steffy. So that's how it started.
I found myself talking with her over the phone occasionally. But all we ever talk about were casual things. I'm not sure how to feel. I know I still care for Steffy. A month after I talked with her, I tried to stop messaging her but then she got sick. Steffy was sensitive when she's sick and I feel bad because no one usually takes care of her during those times.
I didn't visit to her regularly though except that one time I went to her to bring her the meds. But that was the first and last. I just kept on reminding her what to do instead through messages.
But the stupid me didn't stop. Slowly, I started thinking about her as a friend. I wanted to reassure myself that I'm fully committed with Synn. I want to see me myself not getting affected by her.
But you didn't tell her. Seeing her and talking with her, that's literally as good as cheating on your girlfriend, stupid.
"I'm sorry Gold but you can't perform on this condition. You're gonna have to sit it down for the rest of the tour..."
My head snapped towards Manager Sej's direction.
My members were all silent, the situation is slowly sinking in.
I fucked up, big time.
I should have known the moment Synn started acting weird.
She knew I was talking with her but she never confronted me about it. I feel so fucking stupid. She must have been so hurt.
Her tone earlier, it was full of disappointed, hatred and pain.
"I fucked up..." I whispered. And now I'm even creating problems for my members.
I just have to fuck up and disappoint our fans too. Our fans who spend their hard-earned money to see us, only for me to sit the entire time because I fucking lost it.
My hands washed the invisible water on my face. Subtly, I'm starting to feel the pain on my foot. And I knew one wrong move, the stitches will get messy.
Now, I only got one hour before the tour. The managers, medics and staffs went out of the room.
My eyes caught my members.
"Fuck..." a tear suddenly fell down on my cheek.
"Gold, it's okay. You didn't intend for this to happen..." Chase started, rubbing my back to calm me down. I cover my face in embarrassment.
They didn't know about what happened between me and Synn. They didn't know I was talking with Steffy too.
I'm embarrassed of myself and I'm ashamed of what I did with Synn.
And now she won't talk to me.
I tried calling her number but it's not going through. She must have blocked my number.
The entire time, I didn't talk. I learned that the fans had been informed about me not being able to perform and I knew a lot of them were devastated and worried.
I'm stupid and it's all my fault.
"Gold ah, is there something bothering you? This is so not you. What happened?" Zero asked and I bite the inside of my mouth to stop my tears from spilling.
"Who were you talking with on the phone?" Raze asked suspiciously and I avoided his gaze.
"Synn was crying Gold. What happened with the two of you?" Mono interjected and I saw him checking on his phone.
Of course, Snow.
Before I can even answer, we were all called out to prepare and the managers took me to have my ankle dressed properly while everyone gets our make up done.
And then the concert started. At least I was sane enough to talk with our fans and sing my parts.
The entire time, I was out of it.
I tried to focus on my performance and had apologize to our fans over and over.
I felt so disappointed because my parents were here and I know I got them worried too.
Performing is something I really love doing why did I become so careless?
I was left sitting on the stage singing.
But then my mind still drifts off back to her.
She must be crying still. She must have felt something was wrong with her that's why I did that. She must have felt she wasn't enough.
My heart clenched at the realization. The events earlier made me feel afloat and I was so lost. Yet slowly, I'm realizing the consequences of what I did.
Did I cheat on her?
By messaging and calling my ex, or even seeing her once? Maybe. But it wasn't my intention.
I simply wanted to be sure of my feelings.
Then you shouldn't have asked her to be your girlfriend if you weren't sure.
Fuck.
I felt my stomach churning. Why does it hurt like this?
My heart is aching and I just want to curl up and hide myself to the world.
It's painful, even more painful when Steffy cheated on me.
Just thinking about me not being able to hold Synn against me makes me lose my shit.
I will no longer be able to hear her endearing voice over the phone...
I will no longer be able to see her beautiful smile...
I will no longer be able to call her mine...
"Waiting for you..." Eros' voice echoed the whole stadium.
Everything dawn into me. I made a mistake. I didn't love her right when all she did was give me her all.
I fucking broke her.
My vision started to blur and I had to turn around to keep myself from crying. But I can't help it.
I bent down a little but tears kept coming. Thousands of needles kept punching in my heart and my throat started to hurt. It's suffocating.
I fucked up, seriously fucked up.
"Hey..." Chase cupped my cheeks and tried wiping away my tears and I kept on crying.
I'm so sorry cupcake. I am so sorry...
I'm no different from Steffy coz I did the same to you.
Cupcake, I'm so sorry...
Shit Gold Simons. What do you do now?