Lana Castroff
If you think I'm doing just fine, I'm far from fine. My life went downhill ever since I got the news of my father's death. It was a hard blow for me.
Now, I'm looking at the divorce paper with Phoenix staring at me. He didn't say a word ever since he got into the apartment. All he did was hand me the divorce paper for me to sign. I grabbed my pen and looked at the paper sadly.
All I wanted to do now is to rip those papers apart and tell Phoenix that I love him but it would be a selfish act.
I sighed the divorce paper and I looked up to him. I pushed the paper to him so he could sign it.
"I'll sign it later." He said and I nodded. I got up from the sofa and walked towards the last box of my things that I already packed.
"Thankyou for everything, Phoenix." I said as I picked the box. I turned to Phoenix and he was still sitting there not moving an inch.
"Can you.. not go? Can you not leave me?" He said when I was about to take a step foward.
"I need time, Phoenix. I'm sorry.. when I'm ready to comeback, I'll find you." I said and he turned to me. We both looked at each other for a moment before I decided to walk away.
I walked put from his penthouse and went straight to my car at the lobby. As soon as my chauffer drove away, I cried. The feeling of it was undescribable. It felt like my heart was ripped into pieces.
Everything will be okay, Lana. Everything will fall into it's place.
Phoenix Sterling
After she left, I started dysfunctioning. It was so obvious to me that I won't do well in the future. I respected her decision when she said she needed time but why can't she come back to me after that? I've been looking at the divorce paper again and again without the courage to sign it.
It was a downfall for me.
I started to work like a workaholic trying to distract myself from my feelings. I started to drink a little bit more too. It was a definition of a shit show. I couldn't even describe the craziness that I'm feeling right now.
The one thing that I realize was.. I can't live without her.
I became another person, it was hard for me to get up early in the morning knowing that Lana won't be there when I'm awake. It was hard for me to even go back to the penthouse without feeling empty. I rarely come home and slept in my office most of the time.
"What's with the face?" Chance asked as he walked into my office at the headquarters.
"I'm fine, just.. busy with work." I lied and I bet he knows that I'm lying. Chance sat down on the sofa across me and be sighed.
"You miss her, huh?" He asked and I turned to him. I stared at him blankly for a moment and found myself nodding.
"It was weird, I tried to deny it but as the time goes by.. it seems that I can't deny it anymore." I sighed as I put down my iPad on my lap. Chance chuckled and he turned to me.
"I might be as cruel as Dean sometimes but if being with her is making you happy, then go ahead. I think it was enough for me to see you not doing well these days." He said as he looked at the table that separate us.
"But sadly to say.. if you choose to be with Lana, you have to leave. That's the only way for you to be free." Chance said and I know that so well. He doesn't need to tell me about it, I see it coming.
"I know it's our time to let you go, it's just the matter of when." Chance said as he got up from his seat.
"We will always care for you, Phoenix. Even though.. you're not a part of us anymore." He smiled to me and I chuckled.
"At least, you can admit it while Dean can't." I said as I got up from my seat. He gave me a big hug and patted my back before letting it go.
"You know Dean, he won't admit it. All he did was trying to protect you. He already lose one member and he doesn't want to lose another. It will be too painful for him to handle again." I understand Chance and Dean equally and I'm not blaming them. I won't be surprise if Dean met Lana and tell her to go away.
The only thing left now is.. my choice.
If I choose to stay, I have to let Lana go. If I choose Lana, I have to leave ILLICIT.
After Chance left my office, I went down to my lab where I created all the machine guns and other sorts of weapons. I looked at it one by one and sighed. This room was everything to me. I spent countless nights here creating.. experimenting.. just all of my happiness in here.
I took out the ILLICIT card from my wallet and looked at it.
"I knew you would be here." I looked up to see Dean entering the room.
"I guess that you already made up your mind?" He asked as he walked to my wall full of my creations. I heard him sighing and I put down my ILLICIT card on the table.
"I'm sorry." I said and Dean turned to me.
"Are you sure? This will be your last chance, Phoenix." He said as he faced me fully.
"I can't live without her, Dean. I can't, I tried but I can't." I said honestly and Dean nodded.
"I won't hold you back anymore then." He said as he turned away from me. I walked back to the table taking the card and walked back to him. I grabbed his hand and put the card on his hand.
"I owe you a lot, Dean. Throughout my life, you've been nothing but supportive and caring. It's time for me to walk on my own." I said and he looked down at the card.
"Go." He simply said without looking at me.
"I'll see you around?" I asked and Dean didn't answer. He gestured me to go out and I nodded.
"I'll visit you sometimes, Dean."