It's said that as time goes by, the pain of a broken heart reduces.
Well. . . that's a bloody lie if I ever heard any. This pain sitting pretty like a gigantic log of wood on my chest never goes, never really leaves. Oh, it fades alright, it fades when I'm working and keeping busy, but then when I'm alone, it slams back into me with a bang. Worse still when I look into her face, it's like staring at another treacherous face.
"She's sooo cute. Look at those chubby cheeks and those dimples, oh my. She's going to break many hearts when she grows up, I guarantee it."
I stare at Clarissa's mum and sigh, because what can I say? It's the truth. Lily is a beautiful child that brings me so much joy with her delightful chuckles and joyful personality, but staring at her every day gives me a pleasure-pain kind of feeling.
I look at her dark hair which is in the exact shade as mine, quite alright, but when I stare into her eyes that are eerily similar to another pair of eyes I'm not sure I ever want to set eyes on again, and those dimples that are so similar to another one I'm familiar with, I remember the pain. The pain of being dumped because I wasn't good enough.
Anywhere I go with her, she's the cynosure of all eyes, but hearing Clarissa's mum saying she's going to break many hearts cuts close to the bone.
"Yeah!" I shrug. "Just like her dad broke my heart." I stand and pick my bag from the table. "Thanks for taking us in and looking after her whenever I go to work. It's greatly appreciated."
"Nonsense, my dear, you're like my daughter too."
I nod and bend to kiss her on the cheek before walking out of the house.
It's been one year. One year of torture since I did not get engaged and one year of pure hell since Ash Thunder walked out of my life and our child and never looked back. One foul year of not hearing from him, of not even knowing what happened to him. One ugly year of not knowing if he's dead or alive or if I'm coming or going.
That day - the day of my - our - engagement - my world crumbled all around me and I've never been the same again. As I walked off the podium and to the private room where Clarissa's was, I never made it there because I collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. My darling daughter had to be cut out of me at just eight months because I teetered between life and death.
She was put inside an incubation box instead of her mother's arms and I lay in a coma for a month. When I woke, I didn't recognize anyone, not even Clarissa my best friend. Tests were run on me and the hospital psychologist said nothing was wrong, except me.
I was the problem.
She said I surrounded myself in a bubble and did not want to come out of it because of the pain I was going to go through. She advised me to face that pain head on and she would walk me through it. The first time I decided to do just that and I realized I actually had a daughter who had never experienced the warmth of her mother's embrace, I cried pitifully.
When I remembered Ash and what he did to me, I screamed so much, I thought I would pass out from the pain in my chest and heart. He showed me heaven but took me to hell instead. He gave me the world but shattered it with his very own hands. Through all my pain, Clarissa stood by me, cleaning my tears, soothing me, and holding my hair back as I puked into a bowl she held out patiently for me.
The first time I met my daughter, I almost was afraid to touch her. I was afraid because she was - is - a carbon copy of her father, the heartless bastard. I was afraid that when I held her, I would hate her with the same passion I hated her father, but as I took her in my arms, two months after she was born, peace washed over me, and she opened her eyes and gave me a toothy grin.
I fell in love all over again. I fell in love with my daughter and I vowed that nothing and no one will ever come in between us.
No! Not even her father.
"Hello, Peggy." I wave to the front desk officer as I step inside Harry's cargo.
She waves back with a grin as I walk toward my office. I now walk at Harry's Cargo whenever I'm not taking online classes. Even before I was discharged from the hospital, I vowed I would never go back to Ash's place, even if I had to beg on the streets with my daughter to make ends meet, it was a far better option than going to live in his house surrounded by all those memories of him. Of us. Together.
No!
Clarissa told her parents what happened and they took me in and looked after both of us until I was able to look for a job. I've become like a second daughter to them and I won't trade that for anything in the whole world.
As I settle into my seat and start up my computer, a knock sounds on the door. Once I tell whoever is behind it to come inside, I busy myself putting in my password.
"Excuse me, Alicia."
I look up to see Peggy standing with a wide bouquet of white roses and a wide smile.
"These just came for you."
The smile on my face falters and my heartbeat slams hard in my chest. With shaky fingers, I collect the bouquet of roses and look for the white card peeking out from amongst the stalks.
Dinner at 7 pm and then some orchestra later?
Dan.
Immediately I set eyes on the name, the excitement and anxiety sails out of me in one big whoosh and I almost cave in on myself with disappointment.
"Are you okay?"
I look up to see a frown pasted onto Peggy's face. I had completely forgotten she was still standing here. With a jerky nod, I reply. "I'm fine, just a little headache."
She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. I know what she's thinking about but I don't care. I smile a bit more but I can already feel the beginnings of a headache gathering. She nods and after a few tense seconds of her staring at me to ascertain if I'm telling the truth, she leaves.
As soon as I'm alone, I stand and flex my sore muscles, but that's not enough because there's this sudden anxiety I'm feeling. When I saw the roses that now adorn my table, I thought they were from Ash and became terrified and at the same time excited.
I became disappointed when I read the note and found out the roses are from Dan.
Will the ghost of the past never leave me alone?
I sigh as I pick up my phone and dial a number.