Rafael watched her sleep, she looked so pretty and what more she was his, he didn't realize just how much in love with her he was until he told her, he loved, being without her has been hell, he couldn't function, couldn't go a day without thinking of her and she made it even worse, it was as if she disappeared off the face of the Earth, then he had met her dad and usually he would have been mad but her dad had talked him and told him Nicole was only trying to help her twin, of course, he knew that's what she had been trying to do, he understood that but the fact that she didn't tell him had gotten to him.
They got close, they became friends, she should have told him, but then, how would ye have reacted if she had told him? Would he have understood? Would he have given her the time to explain? He never did give her time even after he found out himself.
After his talk with her father, he had thought of the words the old man had said and sadly discovered that he wasn't even mad at her, he was just hurt, and then he realized the only way to get over that was makeup with her, then he hadn't known how to tell her, didn’t even know what words to use because he has never been in the position before, never had to tell someone he wanted them back so he had gotten too drunk and had called her but she hung up on him even though he begged her to come to him, then his driver had almost hit a woman, he ended up hurting himself, and then the hospital refused to discharge him except a family member shows up, initially, he had told them he didn't have a family member but then he decided to try his luck with Nicole and it had worked, she came to him, not just that, she looked after him for two whole days, that raised his hope of having her back and yes it worked, she loves him and would stay with him.
"When did you become such a lover boy?"
The voice in his head asked and he rolled his eyes. There was no one as confused as that voice, She turned and faced him in her sleep, he couldn’t help the smile that came to his face, she had her both hands under her chin and two legs crawled up, she slept like a child, he reached out and touched her cheeks, they were so soft, he smiled again, but then his smile faded away, what did he think he was, love? No one loves him, he got out of bed suddenly, made sure she didn’t wake up by his sudden movement.
Rafael walked out of the room and went into his winery, he didn't want to drink. He just sat there, thinking, his thoughts weren't nice, he didn't know what love truly is, was this really it, or was it just his reaction to how things had ended with him and Nicole? He wasn't supposed to feel, he had taught himself not to feel, not to let someone get to him, he was supposed to be a heartless human with zero feelings and all business, was this really the right part to go, or would he end up as his father did, he had worked so hard from a young age to rid himself of poverty and a life of lack, that's because he had been focused, Nicole makes him lose focus and wish for things he didn't care about until he met her, could it really be okay for him to go this part?
"What the fuck dude?"
The voice his head suddenly said, the annoying thing was back again to disturb his peace.
"Leave me alone,"
He replied out loud.
"Excuse you, I was on my own, you were disturbing me with stupid questions, can't you decide already? Isn't it too late to be thinking of this now? You told her you love her, you begged her to stay with you, now you are letting your insecurities get to you? This is not on me, I will deny you,"
The voice said, he felt like his subconsciousness was either scolding him or advising him.
"I am not doing either of those, I just want peace,"
He replied feeling like a fool for talking to himself.
“Yeah, you should be used to it, and what more, I am the better of the two of us,”
The voice said.
Rafael didn’t like that he was having this conflict with himself but what could he do, he practically grew up alone and has been a loner since he could remember, this was all so new to him, the feeling of depending on someone other than himself, the feeling of letting someone see his vulnerable side that he never let anyone see, the feeling of giving his heart to someone, he couldn’t deny the fact that he was scared, scared of giving it all and getting hurt.
“She ain’t gonna do that, she loves you, why else will she put up with your craziness?”
The dumb voice said.
“Leave me alone!”
He whispered, closing his eyes, if only he could see the future.
“That’s not possible.
His subconsciousness responded.
"Fine, I am going back to bed,"
He said leaving the winery, he locked out his inner voice and heading over to his bedroom, blocking out his negative thoughts too, he was just going to go with the flow, take it one step at a time, he was new to this so he won't go in too deep, he slowly opened the bedroom door and walked silently in to avoid waking her up, she was still sleeping, he got on his side of the bed, moved closer to her and kissed her softly on the forehead, resting his bandaged hand on her, she cuddled closer to him, he let the sweet smell of her caress him to sleep.