I heard Julia's voice out in the hallway. She sounded tearful.
'I've had such a shit day. Lori attacked me in a shop.'
'You better come in,' Matt said. Her face lost all its colour when she saw me and
Sam, both standing there.
'Are...are you two back together?' She looked from one to the other.
'Hardly,' Sam said. He stomped over to the window, looking outside with such
vigour, you'd think he'd never seen a street before. He was obviously still fuming
and, seeing the root of all of our problems standing in the middle of Matt's living
room as if she were a victim, brought me back to boiling point too
'Julia, stop lying. I never attacked you,' I said. 'I asked you a simple question. I asked
you why you did it and I know now that there's no answer to that question. Not one
that I want to hear or could be bothered to listen to.'
'Well especially now as you've got your revenge by sleeping with Matt.' Sam
rounded on me.
'You did what?' Julia said. She stared at Matt who sat down and looked at me from
under his eyelashes.
'That's it, isn't it Lori,' Sam said coming a bit closer. 'You did it for revenge. Am I
right? I know I am. I know you. So now you've got it out of your system can we go
home?' He put his hands on my upper arms, his eyes caught the label on my back to
front, inside out t-shirt and I looked at Matt from under my eyelashes too. 'Look,'
Sam continued, blocking Matt from view. 'Can we wipe the slate clean? Start as
though none of this happened? We're all a little too close for comfort. We've lived in
each other's pockets for years. No offence you guys.' He turned to Julia and Matt. 'But what Lori and I need right now is some time away from both of you and to get
our marriage back on track.'
'That's rich.' I snorted.
'What?' he said.
'Not five minutes ago I heard you telling Matt how easy it is for you to manipulate
me. That I'm a big softy. You think you can just say the word and I'll come running.
Well I'm not one of your clients. This isn't a sales pitch. You can't sell me you Sam.
Not any more.' I looked over his shoulder at Julia. 'I know you and Sam slept
together last night. And from the way he was bragging it seems he was hoping to
set up a little ménage à trois. Is that what you want?'
'Of course not.' Julia crossed her arms and glared at Sam.
'Don't think for one minute, Sam, that I'm such a push over I'm going to be used like
that,' I said. 'I have my standards.'
'Standards?' he said. I could feel his spittle on my lip. 'Standards? And what kind of
standards did you have coming round here right after giving me the impression you
wanted me back and then shagging him?'
'Don't you dare try to lecture me on standards,' I shouted. 'What did you tell Julia?
That you loved her? That you wanted her? Did she know you just wanted a
mistress? Sam you're a little shit. We've been married two minutes and you're
having an affair.'
'You can talk!'
'I didn't start this,' I said, stamping my foot.
'No, but you didn't waste any time getting into the swing of things. I mean does
Matt know you were only using him to get back at me?'
'It wasn't like that. Not today anyway.' I pressed my lips together.
'Wait a minute.' Sam put his hands to his head and paced the room then came back
towards me. 'What do you mean not today anyway? When else did you fuck him?'
I looked at Matt. Matt looked at me. Sam rushed over to Matt squaring up for
another fight and I ran over and got in between them and put my hands out. I saw
the dried blood on the back of my hand from where I'd wiped my face earlier. Matt
was on his feet and staring daggers at his best friend. Sam pushed back his
shoulders. Neither of them spoke.
'Well,' Julia said, sitting on the sofa and putting her feet up on the coffee table.
'Looks like I got here just in time for all the fireworks.'
'And I wish you hadn't shown your smug face, Julia.' I turned to her. 'I was this close
to slapping it today.'
'Maybe you should have done,' she said lifting her shoulders and both hands.
'Maybe there's too much tension between us all. The pot was bound to boil over
one of these days.'
'This only happened because of you, Julia.' Matt finally spoke. 'What the hell were
you thinking?' He sat on the arm of the sofa, one foot on the seat and shaking his
head at Julia. She put her eyes down at first. 'Tell me something,' Matt continued,
'and we might as well all be honest with each other now. That night we all first met,
were you ever interested in me?'
'What's that supposed to mean?' Her eyes darted about.
'Well, I got the impression that getting off with me was the consolation prize. The
one you really wanted was lover boy over here wasn't it? Be honest now. Look us
all in the eye and tell us who you really fancied.'
Julia put her head down. We were all staring down at her now as she sat playing
with her fingers as if they were a new addition to her body. I came and sat on the
coffee table in front of her.
'Jules?'
'Jesus, Lori. Don't you know? That night at Hank's Bar. I saw them come in. I told
you which of the two I was after and you ignored it.'
'But Sam got talking to me,' I said. 'I liked him. I asked you in the Ladies if you didn't
mind and you told me to go for it.'
'I was being fucking sarcastic!'
'What's wrong with being honest?' I put my hands up in the air.
There was silence over the room at last. Not even our breathing could be heard but
the tension was palpable. Sam was the first to speak.
'Everyone knows I go for blondes.'
'So what were you doing in Julia's bed?' I asked him. He put his head down.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lori.' He knelt beside me by the coffee table. 'Are you going to
give me another chance?'
Matt tutted and got off the sofa. It was his turn to pace.
'Why do you think Julia and I didn't last?' he said.
'Well that much is obvious.' Sam said.
'Not to you two, apparently. You two got all loved up and neither Julia nor I got the
person we wanted. Sure we pretended for a good while. We even got on. But as
friends. And that was it. You two were so into each other you didn't even notice us
sleeping with other people and that we'd broken up a whole month before you guys
even realised.'
'Really?' I said, looking at Julia. She nodded. 'So by sleeping with Sam was that you
trying to get him to change his mind about me?'
'No. I knew I couldn't do that,' she said. 'He was blinded by your cutesy, clumsy
blonde bombshell act.'
'It's not an act. I am who I am. I just never knew you were the husband stealing
type.'
'That's not what I was trying to do. I don't know what I was doing. Jesus, Sam I've
been in love with you since the day you two walked into that bar. I flirted with you
outrageously but all you saw was Lori.'
'I didn't know.' Sam sat on the floor and crossed his legs.
'Would it have made a difference?' Julia said staring at Sam. 'I couldn't bear to see
you two get married and live happily ever after. I was going to leave the country
right after the wedding. I already knew I had a job lined up. I was going to sell my
house, the lot. But then you came over about that problem I was having with the
bathroom taps and I just wanted you so much.' She turned to look at me. 'I wasn't
thinking, Lori. I never meant to be a bitch like that but I was weak and...'
'Well what ever you had to offer, he was well up for a second helping,' I said looking
round at Sam.
'That's because he's a shit.' Matt said.
'All right, all right.' Sam tried to protest.
'But it's true,' Matt said under his breath.
'Look!' I stood up now. 'Are you in love with Julia, Sam?'
Sam looked down and shook his head. Julia put hers down and tears dripped onto
her fidgeting hands. My heart went out to her. I wanted to hug her but I felt numb.
This was definitely not how the second week of my honeymoon was supposed to
go. But in terms of drama, it had certainly gone up several notches.
'Get up,' I said, pushing Sam away with my foot so I could sit next to Julia. I put my
arm around her. 'What hurts the most is that I don't think I can forgive this. It's not
like you borrowing my new silk top and getting teryaki down the front of it.'
'I know,' she said, putting her hand on mine. 'But I really am so, so, sorry.' I was lost
for words. 'Lori,' Julia said after a beat.
'Yes?'
'Why is your t-shirt inside out and back to front?'
'Aha!' Sam said leaping to his feet. 'At last we come down to it.'
'Oh calm down, Sam,' Matt said.
'No, I will not calm down. Now we come back to the big one.'
'How can that be the big one?' I shouted at Sam. He positioned his face next to mine
as he leaned over me.
'Because here you are acting high and mighty, the tortured soul, when you're round
here fucking Matt. And let's not forget it was more than once.'
I stood abruptly and matched him for volume, my face contorted with anger. 'Yes
I was here fucking Matt and I loved it. I loved every moment of him fucking my
brains out. Yes I did come round the other night and yes, you're right, it was for
revenge. And Matt knows that, too. He felt guilty and so did I. But I fucked him
today because I liked it the first time round and I felt something for him then, too.'
'You did?' Matt said quietly.
'Yes!' I shouted again. 'I didn't know I had those feelings for you and it turns out
I have. Okay?'
'Okay.'
'And another thing.' I continued to shout. 'I was already falling out of love with you,
Sam. After you and Julia, I was never really sure I could go back to you and now
I know I never ever will.'
'Wait,' Sam said. 'Now you calm down, Lori. You don't mean all that. You can't have
feelings for Matt.'
'But I have.' My voice went back to normal volume. 'I know. I feel them. And it's not
just sex. You know what I wish? I wish we could go back to that night we all first
met. I wish you would have spoken to Julia instead of me. Instead of selling yourself
as a perfect version of you, making me believe you loved me and that marriage was
all I really wanted. You even made me believe I liked that flat. I don't like it Sam.
I don't like you and I don't-' 'Don't say it.' Sam put his hand up. 'Don't say you don't love me.'
'I love the idea of you and what you and I convinced ourselves was going to be a
great life. But let's face it, Sam, if it was real, you wouldn't have slept with Julia and
I wouldn't have slept with Matt.'
That icy silence fell over us all again. Then a series of looks and stares went out
around the room. I couldn't help but notice the one Matt gave me. It spoke volumes
and I knew I wasn't confused any more. I looked down at the rings on my finger.
The large diamond engagement ring and the platinum wedding band. I began
easing them off.
'No Lori. Don't,' Sam pleaded. 'You can sleep on this. We can work it out. Let's go
home. Or to a hotel if you don't like the flat in Fulham.'
'No, Sam. I'm going back to Riz's place.' I put the rings into his hand and walked
away. I didn't look back, just let myself out and I kept on walking.
I got onto the street, ignoring all three voices calling, 'Lori, Lori, come back.' It was
almost nine o'clock, close to getting dark and I was exhausted.
I got to my old flat and let myself in. The place was deserted. No Riz or Lennox
having the weekend love-in session I thought they were gearing up for. Maybe they
took their act over to his place. I was so thankful. I ran a bath and sank into it, the
sex, the angry words, the confrontations and the ugly truth all slipping off my skin
and into the rose scented water. I sank my head under too. I wasn't brave enough
to stay submerged even if that meant not having to face the mess. And it wasn't
over. Not even close.