These two had not noticed me when I came down. I take my exit through the door to the garden, then walk stealthily towards the door that leads to the dining room. Zed and Ara have no idea that I am listening to their conversation.
"How can I? I always drop dead at the end of the day, and you're busy yourself. And besides, I just give you time to go on with your drama until you come crying to me."
"I met her at the airport. She was crying, and I pitied her."
"Fuck!"
I didn't know how deep their friendship was until I heard how Ara recounted their experiences abroad.
"So, this engagement is only a drama?"
I hold my breath. I can't keep listening to this conversation anymore. Just a few hours ago, Zed didn't appear unaffected. I already bawled my eyes out, but he went on pleasuring me. Last night was the most passionate, aggressive, and sensual of all the lovemaking we have done. I felt like that was our last.
I turn to go, but I hear Zed's voice.
"I'm serious, Ar. I love her."
My heart leaps a thousand miles. Zed indeed loves me! And I love him as well.
"But there might be no wedding anymore."
“She is James’ fiancée.”
Of course, Zed knows that James is the one who ruined Yen. That Kim sent him to jail after five years. But what I don't understand is Zed's tone and Ara's reaction.
Then, Maezy's words flash in my mind. "James is out there, suffering in that stinky cell. And what are you doing? You're warming the bed of the man who pushed him into that situation."
I rake my hair with my fingers. What is Zed's role in James' conviction?
I saunter back to our room with messy thoughts. I need to know the truth about this. I even start to suspect that our meeting at the airport is not coincidental at all. But no, I shouldn't think bad about him. The time I have spent with him is enough to know that Zed is a good and selfless man. And aside from that, I have learned to love him already.
I pick up my phone and press Menchie's name. The call goes through right away and she picks up before the ringing ends.
"Miss Ella?"
"Menchie, please book me a flight to Japan tomorrow."
"Right away, Miss."
I pull out my suitcase as soon as I put down the phone. I need to hurry things up and settle the issue with James. I finally made up my mind. He needs to know that I have already fallen in love with someone else and will be marrying him soon. James is kind; he will understand.
"Love, what are you doing?" Zed's voice disrupts my contemplation while packing my things. I lift my eyes in his direction and find him standing at the door. He then steps inside, closing the door behind him,
"I'll fly tomorrow." I look down again and resume packing.
"Love, it's inconvenient for you to travel. Why not set another time? How about after giving birth?"
I shake my head. Does Zed refuse to see the urgency of meeting James, or he's just playing stupid?
"I need to go and tell him about us, Zed. He wants me away from his life, but the situation now is different. I want him to know about this decision since he's the child's father."
Zed nods and doesn't say a word.
"Look, Zed. I also want to be truly free. When he released me back then, I didn't accept it. I didn't expect I'd change my mind after meeting you." I pause; my voice starts cracking already.
Zed still nods, but I see glints of pain and frustration in his eyes.
"He may not admit it, but he's still holding to that promise. That after 15 or 20 years, he's still coming home to me."
I try to lock his gaze, but Zed looks away. He nods again, but his mouth is still zipped.
"Zed, do you get me?" Now, my floodgates are open, allowing tears to come streaming down my face. Never did I expect that I'd be crying like this for a man again.
"Can I at least go with you? I want to make sure you are safe. It doesn't matter what your decision will be after meeting him. I will understand, Ella."
This part of him has my blood boiling to the point of it spilling from the brim. I throw the shirt in my hand and everything that my hands can grasp. I then raise a finger at him.
"Do you know what the problem is with you? You are too kind! Too kind to the extent that you chose to kill yourself than fight for your marriage with Yen. And what are you going to do if I tell you later that I will choose James? Will you jump over the bridge? Get your car crash?"
Zed throws his head backward, suppressing his tears. But he can't do something to the redness of his face.
I drop down, breaking into loud wailing. I don't want Zed hurting. He's the perfect man I know. He has done nothing to deserve this pain. Nothing but kindness and acceptance. He has loved me despite not knowing me well and being pregnant with someone else.
"Then, can I stop you, Ella?" Zed looks into my eyes, and I falter.
"Say it, and I'll take you away from him. I know he's powerful, but the world is big. We'll get married and live in peace for the rest of our lives."
I stand up and throw myself at him. He's right; he can't stop me. This dilemma is not only about James and me. It's also about my dad's effort for me. I sobbed louder, pouring my emotion into that outburst.
Zed keeps rubbing my back for a while, but then one of his arms moves to the back of my thighs while the other crawls to my shoulders. Then, my feet leave the ground, and my back feels the soft cushion of the bed.
____
In the afternoon, I find myself in the office. Mr. D had called, informing me that he had finished the paintings and had them framed according to my preference.
"Are you sure you want to place Melancholy in the waiting area?" Mr. D leans and places his hands on my desk, looking closely at me.
I feel goosebumps running down my spine. "What do you mean?"
"The Greek physician Hippocrates described four internal bodily fluids that affect human's temperament and behaviors. And those four-temperament theory suggests that people have four fundamental personality types. Those are sanguine, melancholic, phlegmatic, and choleric."
I look gaping at him. How can he still remember those ancient wisdom being discussed in college?
"You were able to grasp the message the withered petals convey. That painting depicts sadness, failure, and heartaches. So, I name her Melancholy. And understanding its message means you are melancholic."
"Wow!" I exclaim, shaking my head.
"And because you choose the man whose heart is not yours, it means you choose to be melancholic."
My face falls. "What makes you say that?"
Mr. D's lips curve into a smirk. Then, he pulls out something from the inside of his coat and slaps them at my desk.
Stack of photos.
I pick them and scan them one by one, my hands trembling. In that photos, Zed and Yen are kissing inside the car.