"Ella," says Zed, glints of nervousness painting his face. I want to make things right with you. I want to give our relationship a proper name."
A pang of pain wraps my heart. This man is indeed silly enough to jump into a cliff of uncertainties. He knows I can never promise a future for both of us, but he is still making a fool of himself. He has been there.
"May I see what's in that other box, please?" I tell him, changing the topic. I am also curious about what is he's asking in that other box.
Zed stares at me for a while before he moves his eyes towards the two attendants watching us from afar.
One nod from Zed, and the two come forward. One of them is still holding the heart-shaped pillow that carries the box. The two attendants bow slightly before the bearer of the pillow puts down the box carefully in front of me. My heartbeats turn into a frenzy. It pounds hard against my ear as I feel I know what's written on the strip inside.
My mind is screaming with, "Can you stay with me until I'm over with Yen?" Or, "Can you please be more patient and understanding with me?"
I slowly reach out for the popping tip of the strip and slowly pull it out from the box. Together with the deafening thuds of my heartbeat and the massive shock from what I see, my hands tremble as I read the printed words on it.
"Will you marry me?"
I stare at the words for a long time, battling over my complicated feelings.
"Zed, I don't want you to go through the same pain again. You know what I can only give you. We only live together in the present," I tell him, also forcing myself to believe my words. In these few days with Zed, I find myself falling for him hard. If not for my gratitude to James and my dad, I would have been ready to get into a serious relationship with Zed.
"I know," he says, "but still, I want to make it proper with you." A look of sadness spreads on his face for a few seconds, but he overwrites it with a smile. "I'm ready for the future, Ella. Of finding you gone one day. And yes, the present is more than enough. I'll learn to look back at this in the future as my source of strength and inspiration."
"This is impossible, James. Our hearts are made of human flesh, too. It can either hurt or get hurt."
"I promise not to make it hard for you when the time comes. I just want to think of the present and be happy."
I look into his eyes and sigh. I get so lost in the moment that I don't know how I have thrown myself into his arms. Zed bends down and claims my lips. I open it for him, including my heart. A few minutes after, I can already feel the saltiness of our tears as we bind ourselves into the kiss.
"Does this mean you can be my official girlfriend?" he says after releasing me. His beautiful eyes are almost begging.
My heart sinks deeper. I know Zed wants me to answer the second question instead, but I can't give him false promises.
I nod and smile. Zed then secures me tight in his arms again. "It may be early to say this, but I love you, Ella."
"Thank you." Deep in my heart, I wish I could say the same, but I can't. The love he claims can never equate to the strength of the affection I have long harbored for him. Because I have already loved him a long time ago.
Silence engulfs us as he cuddles me in his arm. I grip on top of his arms that enclose me, feeling his warmth breathing in the crook of my neck. How I wish time stills so that we can stay like this forever.
____
Later in the afternoon, I make sure that I am already in my designated office in Kim Yuan's. I don't want to be late. Mr. D made it clear this morning that everything around him is calculated, including time. And as soon as the clock strikes at 7, I already find myself standing before Mr. D's room. Pulling out a deep breath, I take the courage to knock at the door.
"Come in. You're sixty seconds late."
I twist the doorknob open, and my eyes fall right away on Mr. D. He looks bored but carefree. It seems like I'm delaying him for eternity.
"Follow me."
I nod, and he instantly saunters toward another door. I also follow without asking questions. The room is huge, but canvasses fill the entire space.
There are different forms of paintings like landscapes, abstracts, portraiture in various painting styles. I also notice that Mr.D uses different types of painting and that he mostly uses oil and acrylic.
One of the paintings has caught my attention. It is a withered rose where the wind blows its petals away. The other side of the canvas looks vibrant with the radiant colors of nature, but somewhere at the side where the withered rose stands, I see melancholy. I see wasting.
"You like that?" Mr. D suddenly asks, making me jump in place. He disrupts the flow of my interpretation of what this piece of art conveys.
"It's so eye-catching."
"What do you see?"
I turn to look at him. The sharpness of his gaze seems to pierce into my soul.
"Heartaches, broken dreams, broken self," I tell him. I never knew there was that sentimentalist side of me. I even feel a pang of pain creeping into my heart.
"You can choose to either be happy or miserable. It is only a matter of choice. And as what I am seeing now, you choose to be miserable."
I'm taken aback. I stare at him, my mouth gaping wide. "What do you mean?"
My thought goes to Zed and our current situation. The sense of excitement is still living within me. It sparks, it glows; it makes me look forward to going home in Zed's arms.
"Come," he says. "I'll let you see some of my works."
He leads me to another room. I gasp at the beautiful works of art that greet my eyes. There are also framed paintings hanging on the wall, and there are also unfinished ones. But I suddenly hold my breath when I notice that the model of the portraits is Yen.
"Are you infatuated with her?"
Mr. D looks surprised, but then his lips curve into a smirk. "Those are my orders from Mr. Ramos."