“What kind of paintings are these?” Ara’s big mouth starts popping open as soon as she sees the withered rose and the arrow-and-rock-crushed heart paintings on my office walls.
I requested Yen to let Ara come and visit me at the office. At least, it’s safe that way. I’m not sure if I’m being bugged, or somebody is following me because of that incident with Mr. Greg. How did he know I was in that coffee shop? Or, is he sent together with Maezy to monitor me? But those questions are something I could not ask Mr. Greg. I don’t want him or James to create a negative impression on me.
“Don’t you like them?” I ask, smiling at Ara as I stand behind her. She spins around and looks at me right in the eye.
“Why are they sad and tragic? It seems like those paintings have hidden meanings, or stories waiting to be told.”
I nod. Even if Mr. D told me that those paintings are about me and my melancholic tendencies, I still feel otherwise. I feel those speak about his unresolved emotion over a poignant past that somehow relates to me.
“The artist told me it’s his interpretation of the personality he sees in me. That I tend to choose failure over success, or heartaches over happiness.”
“Oh, how could he say that? Are you close to this artist? That he knows you in and out?”
I shake my head. “No. Perhaps, he sees my emotion on my sleeves. And he is right. All that is happening to me.”
“Ridiculous!”
I gestured for her to come inside my cubicle. It’s not huge, but I still put a separate coffee table whenever I want to take snacks or eat my meals alone. Placing it beside a window, I can have a good view of the lush backspace of the office. There may only be a few flowering plants, but there are lots of green potted plants and trees that make the area refreshing.
“Do you like sweets? I just ordered cheesecake and mixed nuts to go with your coffee.” I tell Ara, motioning her to go to the coffee table ahead while I pull out the cheesecake from the fridge. I also turn on the coffeemaker which I have prepared ahead.
“You should not have bothered. Coffee or juice is enough,” Ara shrugs, but the sparkle in her eyes denies her claim. She then rises to her feet and looks for saucers and cutleries in my pantry cabinet.
I chuckle, and she also bursts out giggling. “Fine. I’ll think about dieting tomorrow, instead.”
My lips curl into a broader smile as I watch her throat moving up and down as she starts slicing the cheesecake. Some of the purple blueberry toppings stick into the knife, and she picks up a teaspoon to scoop it out. She then brings the spoon to her mouth and closes her eyes, savoring the taste.
“Heavenly!” she exclaims after licking the spoon clean with her tongue.
“Your figure is good,” I say, scanning my eyes on her slightly plump but shapely figure.
“Na. I like to be as skinny as you.” She pouts, and I laugh.
When the brewing sound from the coffeemaker stops, I turn to it and pour a cup for Ara. The pleasant, addicting, and mouth-watering aroma of the freshly-brewed Coffee Arabica wafts through my nostrils that I’m almost tempted to get a cup for me. But no. I just have to add it to my list of foods and beverages I will indulge in after giving birth. Zed will surely reprimand me lovingly for being hard-headed. Now, here I am, thinking of him again.
“What’s bothering you?” Ara spells it out while I struggle to state the real purpose of having her come over.
I shift into another sitting position, debating within myself If I am doing the right thing.
“Is it Zed?” She takes a bite of her cheesecake before gluing her gaze at me.
“Actually, yes,” I begin, looking right into her eyes. “I don’t know much about the details of how Zed got into the investigation team. But because of them, James is proven guilty of several crimes. I want Zed to be safe, Ar,” I tell her, my eyes and my voice are begging.
“It’s the least I can do after choosing James, after breaking our engagement. Who knows he can start a new life there in other countries? I just feel James isn’t going to sit handsomely in his cell without sending people to avenge him.”
“Do you want Zed to go away? To other countries?” Ara seems shocked, her eyes bulging out.
My eyes also start stinging with loaming tears. “Yes, Ar. Please convince him.”
“Answer me, Ella. Who between these two damn men do you love the most?”
I close my eyes, finding the question too difficult to answer. “James is my first love. I made commitments with him in my father’s name. And that’s something I’m willing to sacrifice throughout my lifetime.”
“My goodness!” Ara swears, rolling her eyes in disappointment. “What about Zed? He truly loves you, Ella! Don’t be so blind. Zed is a good man. You know who between them can be a good husband and father to your child.”
I scoff, drops of tears start rolling down my cheeks. “Do you think Zed and I can have peace while James is alive?”
“Why haven’t you thought of that? You’re only making Zed hope for nothing. And you are breaking his heart over again!” comes Ara’s lashing tongue. But she is damn right that I can’t hold myself anymore. I start sobbing my heart out, only speaking again when I calm down.
“We already knew this could be happening. But I thought James was serious about setting me free and sending me away from his world. But everything changes when he learned about Zed’s participation in his doom and when he knew that the child in my womb is his.”
“My question can only be answered with yes or no. Do you love him? I want to know, Ella.” I see Ella in her sincere and mature side for the first time.
“Yes. Ar. I want him to be safe and be happy in the future.” I sob louder.
“What about you? You don’t cry that hard if you don’t love Zed.”
“I have to die for him to live, Ar. I’m already stuck in James’ world, and I know there’s no way I can get away from it. Do you get me?”
Ara rises from her seat and gathers me in her arms. Her body rocks as she starts sobbing with me.
“You’re stupid, don’t you think?”
“Please promise me you won’t tell him this. Let him hate me. It would be easier for both of us.”