"Hi sweetie, good afternoon." I muttered smiling. Caelliah excitedly looked at my face.
"Omygee! My Momma! I miss you!" She excitedly said that made me smile. Ah I miss you more.
"But it's not good afternoon Momma, it's good evening." She uttered and pouted her cute lips.
My forehead creased while looking at her. It's still afternoon right? With my forehead creasing I looked at my wall clock. I slap my forehead when I saw that it's already 8pm. The fuck? It's already night? I will go back to Rainer's condo! I quickly put my bag on my shoulder.
My heart pounded harshly while looking at the time. I've been thinking so much that I forgot the time!
"Momma why are you in such a hurry? What's wrong?" Caelliah concerned voice echoed inside my room.
I gave her a small smile even if my heart beats louder inside my chest "Sweetie I will hang up for now okay? Momma just had to do something for a while. Is it okay with you?" I softly asked her.
He quickly nodded and smiled "Okay Momma. Be careful always okay? Tell Dadda that I love him so much. Caelliah loves you too."
I smiled because of what my daughter said. She never failed to make me smile "I love you too baby. Say my I love you to your brother okay?" I ordered and she immediately nodded like an obedient child.
I didn't waste time. I hurriedly drive faster just to get back to Rainer's condo. My heart was pounding when I was in the elevator. My nervousness doubled after the elevator ting. I quickly walked towards Rainer's condo. My hands are sweating real hard after I pushed the doorbell button.
I heard the harshly beating of my heart as I was staring at the door. Hoping that it will open. I tried hitting the doorbell button five times. In my six tries the door finally opened revealing my man with his bloodshot eyes and flushed face.
His eyes widened while looking at my face down to my toe. I smiled at him when he looked at me directly using his blank stare.
"Hi, I'm sorry. I just went home for a while and took my clothes." I said softly while looking at him.
He looked at my back if I was telling the truth. When he saw the black bag behind me, his face calmed down and quickly turned away from me without saying anything. I hurriedly went inside and locked the door.
I saw Rainer walk towards the dining area. I put my backpack on the sofa and immediately walked after him. I saw him sitting on a chair while sipping on the glass with whiskey while intently looking at me after I got inside the dining area.
His eyes didn't left mine as I was walking to the chair in front of him. I immediately sat down and cleared my throat. Rainer blinked his eyes twice and smiled painfully.
"I thought I'm just hallucinating and imagining things early in the morning. But I think I'm not huh?" he muttered while looking directly at my blue orbs.
He clasped his two hands together and placed them on the table while staring intensely at me. Isn't he angry? He was so calm while looking at me.
"I thought you left me a-again..." He whispered.
"You always do that to me right?" He asked painfully that made my eyes water.
I bit my bottom lip and looked deeply at his eyes "I'm s-sorry... I have reasons why I left you baby..." I mumbled with my shaking voice.
Rainer gasped and quickly ruffled his hair. He laughed a bit and muttered some curses under his breath.
"How are you?" He asked softly that made me stunned.
Did he just ask if I'm okay? Why is his voice calm? Isn't he mad at me? Won't he ask the reason why I suddenly left without even properly saying goodbye?
"You're not mad at me?" I asked a little bit shocked at his calm expression.
Rainer shook his head and smiled sweetly at me "I'm sorry for my behavior earlier. I was just shocked that you actually came back. I feel like I'm just dreaming or what. But I realized that you are real. That you're actually coming back..." His voice quivered a bit.
"But do you know that I was very scared earlier. You said you're real. You said that you came back. But the funny thing is when I get out of my room. You're gone... I feel like a fool who went around every corner of the condo unit just to see you... I thought the reality slap me hard that I'm just hallucinating earlier that you actually came back."
"I thought you left again and only came back after many years. Because that's what you're always doing right?" He chuckled dryly.
I couldn't stop the tears that spontaneously fell from my eyes. Rainer looked up and gasped a bit. When he looked at me I saw the tears slowly pooling in the corner of his eyes.
"You know what? I've been always asking myself if you really love me. Because me? I fell head over heels into the trap you made. I can't even escape even if I want to run away and escape." he confessed with his pained voice.
I sobbed when I saw how my baby harshly wiped his tears away that kept on falling from his eyes.
"You always said you love me. That I am your dream. That I always makes you happy. But why the hell did you leave?" He asked
"Every day I wake up with many questions as to why. Why did the person who taught me to love suddenly left me in the dark. Why did the person who told me that she loved me suddenly disappear when I woke up..." Struggling he said while clenching his fist.
"But I always tell myself that maybe you had reasons that's why you left. Because I know everyone who leaves has a reason. So I told myself that I'll wait for you to come back and I'll listen to all the reasons you have."
"As much as I want to be angry at your sudden leaving, I just can't... The beating of my heart always screams your name Talliah..." His voice broke.
I quickly grabbed his hand when I saw that it was shaking. His shoulders quickly rose as he stared at me. He didn't even mind how wet his cheeks were.
"My heart always missing your warmth. That I didn't find myself liking someone else if it's not you. I keep and keep on waiting for you to come back to me. Even if sometimes I'm getting tired of waiting. Because there is no certainty if you will really come back to me. But a part of me always hopes that you will come back."
"I'm so sorry hmm... Please forgive me b-baby." I mumbled breathlessly while looking at him. He smiled painfully and caressed my palm softly. I cried more when he kissed the back of my hand.
"I'm not mad at you. I'm just hurt. If I forgive you, you won't leave me again? You will stay in my arms forever hmm?" He pleadingly asked.
I quickly nodded without hesitation. I will not leave you again. I can't take it anymore. My heart hurts so much that I left you for six years. Six years is enough baby.
"Are you proud of what I've become right now? Mommy I already reached my dreams." He muttered smiling a bit.
I looked at him with my soft eyes. I'm always proud of this man. The achievements he achieved in his life, he deserves it all. I'm always his number one fan and supporter.
"I'm always so proud of you baby." I uttered lovingly to him.
Rainer laughed heartily and wiped some tears in his eyes. His eyes twinkle in so much happiness while looking at me.
"Aren't you going to ask why I'm not mad at you?" He asked while his fingers drew circles on my palm.
That's my question baby. Why are you not even mad at me? Why are you so understanding?
"Why aren't you mad at me? You have so many reasons to get mad." I mumbled
Rainer licked his lips and lovingly stared at me.
"Did you know that I asked a sign to God? During those times when I had many doubts, I always approached him. I always asked a sign to him." He honestly said.
"Maybe it's weird to hear this but I actually prayed and asked for a sign to him. Night before my graduation I asked for a sign, I know it will only hurt me but I still take a risk." He whispered softly.
"Aren't you going to ask what sign I asked him for?" He asked me softly.
"What is the sign you asked him?"
He smiled sweetly and kissed my hands.
"If my crazy Mommy really loves me, she will watched me as I was climbing on the stage. Getting my diploma while she's busy clapping her hands proudly at the back of the crowd while watching his baby." he uttered that made my eyes widen in shock.
The beating of my heart started to go faster when I saw Rainer's sincere smile. I think my brain stopped functioning after hearing his words. Fuck! Did he saw me on that day?
"Do you know that my heart beat very fast that day. I can't believe he heard my little request. That you actually there for me. You know what? I'm the happiest man on earth that time after I saw you. I can see how happy you are while staring at me. And that reason is enough for me to know that you really love me."
My mouth parted a bit while looking at his bright and smiling face.
"Even if you left again after watching my graduation. My heart felt at ease. I didn't even bother running after you because I know even if you always leave me. I'm so sure that my Talliah will always come back."
Rainer rose up from his seat. He walked to my side and immediately knelt. He turned my chair to his side then he immediately buried his face in my thighs. I saw how his shoulder was shaking badly while hugging my knees.
"But I'm begging you to stop leaving me always. Stop running away from me. If you want to leave, please take me with you. Because I can't take it anymore if you leave me again. I'm going crazy Talliah... please Mommy don't leave me again. I'm begging you." He mumbled and cried so hard.
I stroke his hair using my fingers. I can feel the fast but calm beating of my heart. Rainer may have matured a lot but he's always been my crying baby.
He's always the vulnerable Caelan Rainer I know.