"Veronica, it's good to hear your voice." Derek's voice was exactly as Roni remembered. It brought back painful memories, but in a weird way, she was glad to hear him again.
"It's good to hear you too."
"So you're stranded for the day?"
"Yeah, looks like it."
"I was gonna say, since your plans are shot, how do you feel about getting together for some coffee?"
No way in hell was she inviting him over for coffee. "I, uh . . . I dunno."
"We don't have to be out the whole day, just an hour or so. We can grab a cup of coffee and check out the latest exhibition at that photo gallery you like downtown. When's the last time you did that?"
Veronica smiled, running her finger over the grout between the tiles on her counter. "It's been forever."
"That's what I figured. Let's go, Roni, for old time's sake. I can pick you up in ten minutes and have you back before noon."
Hearing him call her that made her stomach lurch. She knew it was irrational to think that she shouldn't go because Noah might . . . Hell, who was she kidding? He'd definitely be weird about it. She remembered how the mere mention of her working on her social life had struck a nerve with him. Maybe this is just what she needed to do: go have coffee with a friend and break the ice. She was bound to get a life eventually, and he was just going to have to get used to it, right?
"Just an hour?"
"I'll be there in ten." She could almost hear the smile in his voice.
The moment she hung up, she felt the urge to call him back and cancel. What was she thinking? She paced back and forth in the kitchen for a few minutes, chewing her thumbnail. Twice she picked up the phone to call him back then put it down again. God, she needed Nellie.
Derek was there in less than ten minutes. She practically ran out the door, not wanting to give him a chance to get out and expect to be invited in. She leaned in the window of his car and smiled before opening the door.
"Wow, you look good," he said. "You lost a lot of weight. What did you do?"
She shrugged. "I've been working out. I have Nellie to thank. She's the one that dragged me to the gym."
Derek looked the same: clean-shaven but with an edge. Being a dean at one of the toughest high schools in the Los Angeles area had done that to him. He'd told her some of the stories. He'd had to disarm students with knives and even a gun once. The kids had to think of him and see him as a bad ass with no compassion. If he didn't put up that act, he was toast. Veronica had to admit that the tough-guy act had turned her on a little. He had it down to a science. The obstinate death stare was the best. It reminded her of her own dean back in high school. He silenced an entire hallway as he walked through it. Now she wondered if he'd been just as soft as Derek but putting up an act too.
They made small talk until they reached the coffee place by the gallery. It was a miracle he didn't have to circle the block twenty times before finding a parking space, but then it was a holiday week and this was near the court's district. Most of the offices in this area were still closed down for the holidays.
They bought their coffee and walked half a block down to the gallery. "You really look good, Roni. I'm glad to see it. I was worried about you."
Veronica smiled, for some reason unnerved at his use of her nickname. He only ever called her that before when he was being cute. Here it was the first time she'd seen him in almost a year, and he felt he could call her that? Deep inside, she knew the real reason it bothered her, but she shook it off.
"So are you still seeing the woman you met?" Not that she cared, but she was curious. She really didn't think he would've been texting her so much if he was.
His expression fell, and he cleared his throat as they entered the gallery. "No, I haven't. Things didn't work out."
"Oh," she said, glad she walked in ahead him so he wouldn't see the smirk. "I'm sorry to hear that." Of course, she wasn't, but she really didn't care either way. She just had to admit it was a bit satisfying. "Has it been long?" She turned when he didn't respond.
"Veronica, I'm sorry. I made a mistake—a huge mistake, probably the biggest mistake of my life." They stepped aside out of the walkway so that people could pass through. "I didn't know how else to deal with it. It seemed everything I did or said was the wrong thing. It got to the point where I was afraid to talk to you. At the time, it felt like the best thing to do was step back and out of the picture."
Veronica stared at him for a moment, trying to make sense of how anyone could think that the best thing to do when someone you cared about was going through the hardest time in their life was to walk away—step out of the picture? She could think of a million things to tell him right now: how much she had hated him then, how she would've never walked away had the tables been turned, but she didn't. That ship had sailed. Instead, she smiled. "It's okay. I made it."
His expression remained strained. "I never doubted you would. Listen." He jammed his hands into his pockets and glanced around nervously. "I know this probably doesn't matter anymore, but I want you to know that Angela, the woman I started seeing during that time . . . It didn't even last a month. I just couldn't stop thinking about you." He glanced at her but couldn't make eye contact for very long. Veronica had never seen him so nervous. "I can't tell you how many times I wanted to stop by and say hello, see how you were doing. And then I'd lose my nerve. I was so relieved when you texted me back today. I thought for sure you hated me."
"I don't hate you, Derek." Not that she didn't think she did for a long time. But she knew now that in order for her to hate him, she would've had to love him first. She wasn't sure why or how, but she was certain now that she never had. "And you can stop beating yourself up about it. I'm fine now, more than fine."
No longer wanting to stand there and have this uncomfortable conversation, Veronica started walking. Derek walked alongside her.
The sign outside the gallery boasted the names of the new artists being featured this week. Veronica had never heard of any of them. She used to keep up with all the new talent in the photography world. It was high time she got back to the things she loved.
Derek seemed to pick up on the fact that she didn't really want to talk about anything heavy, so they kept the conversation light. They strolled along the gallery, commenting on the different photographs, and he asked her about her photography.
They walked around for almost an hour, and then the conversation took a turn. "How are things now that you're alone?"
Veronica stopped and stared at the black-and-white photograph of an old woman wearing stilettos, smoking on a park bench. "I have a roommate now."
"You do?"
She studied the picture, wondering what to make of it. Did the stilettos represent this woman's past?
"Roni?" Her thoughts interrupted, she turned back to Derek. "New roommate?"
"Oh, yeah. He's a kid from the neighborhood, my trainer actually." She smiled at him. "He's the one that helped me drop all the weight." She started walking again. "He had some issues with his place, so he's renting one of the rooms at my house temporarily."
"Temporarily."
It wasn't a question, more like a statement. Veronica could tell he was speculating, but she didn't care. Just the thought of Noah had her looking at her watch. "I better get going."
Without another word, he nodded and they headed to his car. The ride home was somewhat quiet until they got to her house. Just as she began to get out, she felt his hand on her arm. "Roni." She stopped and turned back to face him. "It was really good to see you again. You look amazing."
She smiled and nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable. "Thank you. It was good seeing you too."
"Maybe I can call you again? We can do dinner or something?"
With a weak smile, she nodded not sure how else to respond. Before he could say anything else, she rushed out, thanked him for the coffee, and waved goodbye, hurrying up her walkway. The pounding in her chest was testimony to how much she'd allowed Noah to get in her head, because all she could think of was how he'd react when she told him she'd spent the morning with Derek.