The deadly silence filled the whole room. I could hear nothing but my sobs and the slow beating of my heart. But the voices inside my head are loud and strong. It was as if something suddenly exploded inside me and I was the only one who felt its aftershock. It was as if I was suddenly deaf.
My mouth fell open but no words came out. My knees weakened and I sat on the floor.
"Solei!" Hector yelled and immediately attended to me.
"Don't fucking touch me," I said firmly to him and pushed him away from me. "Don't you even dare."
"Solei, please. Listen to me first. I can explain everything—"
"I don't want to believe anything from you anymore, so stop it," I cut him off and tried to stand up.
I firmly wiped away my tears and grabbed my suitcase. I would have been ready to go out when I remembered something again. I turned to face him again and looked him in the eyes.
"Why did you approach me? You already knew me before I even met you, didn't you? Why did you approach me then? To lessen your guilt?" I asked him.
I can't even explain how I feel. I just kept crying silently while waiting for his answer which I knew would only make me more crushed.
His jaw tightened. Once again, there were tears in his eyes.
"Solei, please, don't do this. I didn't approach you on purpose. I have my reasons and—"
"Then tell me what was your reason, Hector! Of all the things you said, which of them is true and which is not? Or is there any truth to everything you told me?" I paused and cussed. I laughed sarcastically.
"Do you really love me?" I boldly asked him. My voice broke.
But I also immediately felt scared because he might answer the truth. That maybe even that is just a lie as well. That maybe even the only thing I hold on to him isn’t true either.
I feel like my heart is burning because of the anger I feel that I don’t even know how to release. I don't even know why I can't say hurtful words to him. Is that all, Ana? Just because you're too saint and soft, even the person who hurt you, you can’t hurt them back? Damn you.
"Baby, please ... God knows how much I fucking love you. I love you so much ...”
"Bullshit," I stated and finally turned my back on him. As soon as I got out of that room, I just let out a loud howl.
-
"Mommy, are we leaving?" She asked then looked again at the TV screen. "Where's daddy?" She added.
My chest ached when I heard that. Instead of being hurt, I became angrier for no apparent reason. I bit my lower lip and thought of the right answer to her.
"Uhm ... he's not going with us for now, baby. We'll be fine without him," I lazily replied to her and violently sighed.
If before, I was still hoping that everything would be fine by the time I heard his explanation, now I would rather stay away from him first because of what I found out. As much as I don’t want to be affected because a series of bad things have happened, my brain can’t accept that! I feel like everyone can fool me! And yes, even him. That even though he knew he was the only person I trusted all of me, he could still turn me around like an idiot! I can't accept it!
I waited for Amari to answer but she just kept looking at me as if reading my mind. Later I was surprised when she nodded and hugged me.
"I'm just here, mommy. I won't leave you," she whispered to me, which made me cry again.
Amari and I were like that for a few more minutes until Emerald finished packing. I quickly put them in the car after putting all the stuff inside the car. When I got into the driver's seat, I stared at his house for a while before finally leaving. Fortunately, I learned to drive.
While on our way, I could hear nothing but the sound of Amari’s iPad in the backseat with Emerald. I turned off my cell phone earlier so I didn't even bother myself with the worry that someone might be calling me.
I honestly don't know where we're going right now. My mind was blank and I didn’t know what to do but I felt like my decision was complete. I know I’m scared and angry now. I can feel it in my heart — that I am scared and angry, but I don't know why I can’t feel it on the outside. I feel even more tired because of what I have learned. I feel like I am already immune from this kind of pain so that doesn't matter to me. I just need to cut everything off.
"Ma'am ... Sir Apollo is calling," Emerald whispered to me so I could almost brake hard.
I could feel my heart pounding with extreme nervousness. I looked at him in the rear-view mirror for a moment before turning back into the road.
"Don't answer him. Wait for his call to disappear," I commanded.
"Ma'am, it's gone," she called to me again.
"Can you call this number ..." I told her and told her the number she should call. She handed it to me in a few moments so I stopped at the side of the road for a moment.
"Hello, Leon ..." I uttered. I immediately heard him swearing on the other line.
"Fuck, Ana! Where are you? Apollo has been looking for you since earlier!" He yelled right away.
My grip on the steering wheel tightened. Did he know what happened?
"Tell me, do you also know what really happened to papa before he died? Do you know Hector? Did you know him before?" I couldn't help but ask him.
"What? No! What do you mean?" He was confused by the question on the other line so I breathed a sigh of relief.
"He lied to me. That guy told me everything I need to know. He said ... fuck! I don't want to talk about him anymore. He knows how much I'm having a hard time right now because of the lies being told to me by all and then…" I said weakly to him and looked outside the window.
The heavy rain suddenly fell. I smiled bitterly. Great. Exactly.
"I'm so sorry about that. I don't know. I don't know. He said—"
"Forget about it. Don't ever tell him I called you. I just want to ask you a favor," I interrupted what he was going to say.
I heard his violent sigh before answering. I bit my lower lip and glanced at Amari in the rearview mirror. She’s asleep.
"Can you let us stay in your townhouse first? I thought of you first because I know you can't refuse me and Hector won't think that I'll come to you. I can't disturb Elena," I told him shyly and blinked harder.
There was a moment of silence on the other line so I lost hope. I sigh tiredly. I was about to utter a word when he interrupted me.
"What are you planning?" He asked me.
Once again I was stunned as I watched the downpour intensify. The surroundings are also dark.
"I ... want to cut off everything. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't know ... I'm tired. I don't feel anything at all. All I want now is to be at peace. No lies, no pain ..." I almost whispered to myself and those tears kept flowing from my eyes.
Just like the heavy rain, my heart feels heavy it made me feel weak again.