"When you do not seek or need approval, you are at your most powerful."- Caroline Myss.
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Heaven?
He died? And he came to heaven? Leaving Heaven behind?
"Am I dead?" He asked.
Gamila turned to her left, and he followed her gaze. Somewhere far away, he saw an opening. It was dark inside, and the opening seemed to shrink in size slowly.
"You are dying." She said, turning back to him.
Zamiel looked between her and the opening, then he looked at his daughter. He was in heaven, reunited with his family again. Wasn't this all he had wished for all those years inside that empty, dark coffin? Why wasn't he happy now?
Heaven.
He couldn't leave her behind. He had to go back. But then he looked at Gamila and his daughter and guilt weighed on his heart. He was going to disappoint them. Again.
"You don't want to be here?" Gamila asked with a frown.
Zamiel felt a sharp pain in his chest and his eyes burned with tears again.
"Gamila." He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. How was he going to explain himself? It felt like he betrayed her. Like he betrayed them.
"I love you. I always have and I always will. But I have to go back. I am sorry."
Tears filled her eyes, but she shook her head as if refusing to cry. "Don't apologize. I understand. I have always prayed for you to find happiness and it seems like you found it."
He nodded. He did find happiness with Heaven.
"What is her name?" She asked.
"Heaven." He said.
"Heaven?" She smiled. "You found Heaven on earth."
He did.
"Then there is no reason for you to stay here." Tears fell down their cheeks.
Both were crying as they held each others hands. "You deserve all the happiness in the world. You deserve to have heaven on earth and even after. It pained me to see you hurt all those years. I am happy that you are happy now."
"Could you see me?" He asked.
She nodded. "Once a year the gates of heaven open and we can go down to see our loved ones. Micah and I have gone down every year and for a thousand years I couldn't see you because you were locked. And I couldn't do anything about it. This year's opening is still to come, so I didn't know you were released."
She turned to Micah, who also had tears in her eyes. "Micah and I will come down to visit you again when the gates open." She said.
Micah nodded while she cried, and Zamiel went to hug his daughter. He hated this. After all those years when he finally saw his daughter, he made her cry. "I am sorry you had to have a father like me." He said and she shook her head. "I want you to know that I love very much."
Now he was truly crying. His daughter had been his everything. She had been the light in his life. She had been a blessing from God.
Gamila put a hand on shoulder. "Zamiel. You have to go now before it is too late." She said. "Micah and I will be fine."
Zamiel's heart broke as he pulled away from his daughter. The warmth left his body, and he was cold again. Gamila came to stand in front of him. She grabbed his face gently. "I have never blamed you for what happened. I want you to go back and be truly happy and let go of that guilt." She said. "Promise me."
He felt a lump in his throat that made it difficult to talk. "I promise." He said, then took her hands and kissed both of her knuckles. In old times, it was a sign of respect.
Gamila smiled at him. "I will come to see you with Micah when the gates open again. I hope to see you happy."
He nodded. "Will I be able to see you when you come down?" He asked.
"I don't know. Some people can see and others can't. I hope you can see us, otherwise remember the scent of this garden. When we come down, you should be able to smell it."
Zamiel nodded.
He hugged Gamila and Micah one last time before he started walking toward the opening that was getting smaller. Tears streamed down his eyes as he walked away. He was overwhelmed by all the emotions he felt inside. There was both joy and sadness, both pain and relief.
He turned back to wave one more time, and they waved back, smiling at him one last time. He would honor this memory and all of their other memories, and one day he would see them again.
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Heaven left Zamiel in her room with Ilyas and Irene. She went to her parents' quarters to stay away from him so that he could heal. She cried and cried, not knowing if she did the right thing by leaving him behind. But if she stayed, he would surely die.
Her crying made her mother cry, who held her in her arms. "He will be alright." Her mother murmured some encouraging words while stroking her hair.
Her father was silent, but she could see he was going through his own struggle to see her like that. She could tell he was restless, angry and was trying to hold himself from rushing to her grandfather to fight him. But what was the point? Her grandfather would always win. He would always have a way to get back at them by hurting the people they loved.
After crying for so long, Heaven just leaned against her mother's shoulder, feeling exhausted. When would this nightmare end?
Just when she asked herself that question, her grandmother appeared.
Heaven stood up hastily. "Is he alright?" She asked before her grandmother opened her mouth.
"Heaven." From the way Irene said her name, Heaven knew it wasn't good news. She felt her heart sink. "I think you need to come and see him."
Heaven shook her head in denial.
"His condition is getting worse, and I don't want you to have any regrets. It was also his last wish. You should honor it." Her grandmother explained.
Heaven burst into tears. Her heart felt so tight in her chest it suffocated her. She didn't want to accept this, but she had to see him if it was his last wish. It was the least she could do for him, after all the pain she caused. She would have to deal with her own pain later.
Heaven wanted to be there for him. Ease his pain in any way she could, even though she was dying inside.
Feeling completely destroyed, she went back to her room. Zamiel was lying in her bed, his body looking dead. Ilyas stood next to him, and the look on his face wasn't one she had hoped to see.
Slowly she neared her bed where Zamiel was lying. Her heart raced for every step she took and her legs felt heavy, as if refusing to obey her. She remembered the day she released him from the coffin. She wasn't supposed to make him live just to kill him later. She wasn't supposed to release him from suffering, to make him suffer again.
This was wrong. Zamiel didn't deserve this. If he left, then her heart and soul would leave with him.