Gwenn pov
I wanted to take Orel and Themis for sightseeing but my plans were way laid. Well, it was not like I was the one who was going to take them to all the places they needed to see and explain the places to them. No, that was the job of Sorens who was going to come along with me.
Getting up and hearing that Themis, Orel and Elison had already left for the tour was annoying enough but what was even more annoying was the news that I had to go and see my husband. He was the last person I wanted to see.
I didn’t trust myself to be in the same place as him and not attack him for what he did and now, I had no choice. The people who I would have used as a buffer has already started their tour around and I know Orel will be bored out of his mind. That is if he was not still angry about the evening before.
I still couldn’t believe that Catia tried to kill Themis, until I see that girl, she hiding behind her brother is not going to cut t with me. I don’t let people escape when they do wrong.
And neither do the golden queen too, it seems. All through the night, I had weird flashes of a woman who was the replica of the person I saw in my weird trance. I saw so many things which I didn’t understand and there is no doubt in my mind that I will ever understand what I saw. Unless it was very important to whatever mission I was supposed to complete.
That was also another vibe which I have been getting. I was meant to do something and I am supposed to have started. How can you do something when you don’t know what you ought to do or how to go about it and the knowledge isn’t available anywhere?
I knew I was missing something but I just didn’t know what exactly I was missing.
On getting to the door of Arius work room, a study so to speak but when I first used that word here, I was looked at weirdly like they didn’t know the word existed and it might not. Because all this place has been referred to is the King’s Office which is the weird name if you ask me but then again, I am the foreigner who bothers to ask me anything.
“Come in Gwenn.” Arius voice rang out from inside the room even though I had not knocked yet. I took a deep breath before entering the room.
“Your majesty.” I greeted Arius, unsure if I was to bow or remain standing. Thinking about the way he had hurt me, I chose to remain standing. He didn’t deserve me giving him any form of respect.
“Gwenn.” Arius gestured towards a chair as his eyes brightened as if he was pleased I came to see him.
“I prefer standing. It will be easier for me to leave that way.”
Arius eyes dimmed at my words as he stood up. “Don’t you think that it is time we come to a compromise about this whole animosity between us.” He asked as I shook my head.
“For there to be animosity there has to be feelings. I don’t feel anything for you Arius,” I answered, “You killed whatever was developing when you lied for the last time, every time I opened myself to give you a chance you do nothing but hurt me, you think that I would ever do that again?”
“I was going to tell you… that was what I was going to say when Silana came and said that your brother and his wife were around.” Arius defended himself but they were weak, he knew better than that.
I shook my head sadly. “You know that excuse is not enough. If you wanted to tell me, you could have said something either of the times where we slept together. You knew I was doing it because of duty and you still let me go ahead with it…”
“Because I thought that was the only way for you to be around me, you refused to talk to me either way. Even when I am at the same table with you.” Arius returned.
“Ever thought that one of the reasons why I do that is because you let your sister continue to hurt me with their words?” I asked. “And when I try to retaliate, you tell me not to?”
When Arius didn’t say anything, I continued. “My king, I am done listening to you. in case you didn’t notice, any time that your sisters or concubine or anybody tries to stick his or her head into my business, I will return whatever they do in a double fold back to them and there is nothing that they can do about it. You too.”
“Gwenn… you honestly think I want to talk about others right now. I want you to forgive me, one more chance to show you that we can be amazing together. One more chance for me to show you what you mean to me. Just give me one more chance and I will prove myself to you.”
“You mean the same proving you have been doing right since I came here?’ I asked.
“You talk like you are innocent, you kept going against me, dragging wills with me…”
“And your excuse was to find a woman who would respect you, give her your child and the heir position?” I returned as Arius shut his mouth. “No matter what you say, you cannot change the fact that the deed is already done. What is the used of us forming a truce? Besides, you already have a woman whom you were contented with before. That should not change now.” I added as I bowed my head and made to leave the room.
“I made mistakes, I am not proud of them but I am trying to own up to them, you have to give me a chance.” Arius said, even though I didn’t turn to look at him, I could feel his sadness and tiredness in his voice but I was not to be moved.
I felt dirty and I was shaking when I first slept with my husband, he made me feel worse after the act, knowing that I knew nothing about his custom and now he wanted to change things. I am sorry but I don’t believe him. I just couldn’t believe him.
“No, my King. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. You have a family, focus on them and I will focus on my life too.” And with that I stepped out of his office and cleaned my face on my tears, it was good that others were not around to see me cry.
I was doomed to be unhappy all my life and I felt a sliver of comfort. Women from my mother’s family where destined to never be happy. She told me of this when I was young, I thought I was different but apparently I was not.
My comfort this time was that at least my husband will not hit me or be the one directly responsible for my death because his ‘discipline’ went a little overboard the same way my mother died in the hands of my father.