Gwenn
I had not left Arius side since the news of his father’s death reached him. They don’t take long in hold their funerals and when the death is brutal or a forbidden type which was the killing of someone defenseless, which the king certainly was, it takes a new dimension in quickness. Within Twelve hours, the pyre was set and the rites were read. The mood was somber and I took my place among other commanders of the army, I learnt that the commanders were always around the palace unless being sent on missions for the king.
I was standing there, paying my respects to the king but Arius came and yanked me to his side which was the very front of the small crowd gathered to honor his father and pay their last respects before saying goodbye to the King before he starts his journey to the afterlife.
“Your place is with me, my queen. You are not just a commander or a foreigner, you are now the queen, start acting like it.” He growls at me and because I knew the mood he was in, all I did was nod and not say anything about his anger or the way he barked at me.
He didn’t let go of my hand for the entire rites and I didn’t let go of his too, sensing that he was going to need to draw strength from me.
“My king.” A council member who was in charge of the rites said to Arius as he offered a torch.
Arius hands shook as he took the torch. “Rest in peace father.” He whispered as he set the pyre ablaze and went on his knees with his head bowed. I followed suit, paying my last respects to my father in law, a man I did not meet but a man I knew I would have loved if he was not stolen from me. I glanced as Kastav to see tears streaming down his face but I didn’t tear my eyes away from the fake scene he was creating.
I could not prove it but I didn’t need proof. It was only a matter of time before the truth came out. Truth could not be buried forever, Kastav seemed to have forgotten that.
“I need to get out of here.” Arius gritted out and I stood up while offering my hand out to him.
“Why are you nice?” Arius asked me and I shrugged.
“Because I understand your pain.” Was all I replied with. Not ready to tell him that not only I understood it, I had passed through it enough times to realize when it was time to take a break. The recent time, this happened to me was with Elison’s death.
I understood the loss of a loved one and I understood, needing to bury your pain.
He placed his hand in mine and I dragged him up.
“My king where are you going, you are supposed to go for the rites of Yama now.” A council member protested and with the way Arius turned pale, I knew he was not ready for that yet.
“I want to be with my husband alone, he will handle that when he comes back.” I replied the person whose nose flared in anger but he didn’t say anything, He bowed his head.
“My queen.”
I led Arius away from that place, ready to take him to a place where he would not be disturbed but somehow, I didn’t feel comfortable about going to the meadows so I took him to one of the gardens instead, deep within it, where people would never guess we were there.
“Now, you are alone.” I tell Arius whose head napped up with lightning speed at my words.
“You are not leaving me alone right?” He voiced as something like alarm flitted through his voice.
“No. I meant that nobody will disturb you. Now you can mourn.” I said to him and in response he dragged me down to the ground and then he started talking.
“When I was ten, I was not close to my father, I had an equal love and hate relationship with him. You see he got my mother pregnant with me and then married the queen. Then he came back for my mother and made her his concubine without a second thought. He thought he had found the perfect solution to keeping everybody happy but he mistook the way my mother could play along and hide her emotions. She was not okay with the arrangement. She never was.” Arius said as his shoulders slumped.
“She tried to be happy every time she saw us watching her but she couldn’t hide how much she died inside when news like my father was expecting a new child or he was getting a new mistress. She did the best she could. The whole Empire knew my father loved my mother just as much as she loved him. Still love was never enough in that case. I knew this as a child as I hated my father for hurting my mother.”
“It was when I was ten, when the council then attacked me with their collective power and I almost died that was when my father got scared and realized that life’s too short anything can happen at any time. He started to spend more time with us, he became the father, he ought to be and he never stopped since then. Even though me and Silana grew up. My other siblings don’t know him the way I did, they didn’t have that connection with him.” Arius looked at me only for me to look at his face and seeing his eyes red like he was doing everything to hold back the tears.
“It’s okay for you to mourn. Everybody has that right.” I tell him and he shook his head.
“Yes, everybody except the Yama.” Arius looked sick at that word. “Right from time, that was what my father was referred as, I am not sure that I can bear being called that title. Not when I failed him and let him get murdered while he was defenseless.”
“That is not fair.” I snapped at Arius, I was not used to seeing Arius act human like something affected him this much or hurt him. I didn’t know how to act at his words but I know that I could try my best to stop the blame game he was playing.
“You know that was not your fault, you were in your room, I am sure that your father will not stay in the same room as you while he was sick and last night was just like every other night. There is no way you could have known otherwise so stop blaming yourself.” I replied. “As for the title of overall king, you can put that on hold just until you can get rid of this guilt you are feeling and you feel you are worth the title. One of the ways you can do that, is to find the king’s killer.” I watched as his head jerked up as he stared at me like I just offered hope to someone who was about to kill himself.
“That is not a bad idea.” He muttered as I smiled at his half answer, my got to reaction was no longer irritation and anger but something like fondness.
“You sure?” I asked him and then my smile died, I felt like I had to share my own experience.
“When Elison died, I felt like my world was shut down. He was going to come back with me and be the person I could trust and make sure I was happy before he went back to Dar. Elison is just as giving as that. Always is. Instead. He died to save me and I hated the world. I hated myself and I felt guilt. I still feel guilt though but I can live through it. You will get there eventually.” I answered as Arius gave me a weak smile.
“I lucked out with you didn’t I?” He said so softly that I would have heard him if I was not paying attention.
“Yes you did, you just don’t value it.” I retorted.
“I do value you but I made a costly mistake because you were not around and now, I am paying for it.” He answered.
“Why didn’t you tell Faye this?” I asked but he rolled his eyes.
“I connect more with you on our fights than I connect with her, she was just supposed to be a distraction until you return.” Arius stated as I looked at him confused.
“Then why did you act like you referred her when I came around the first time.” I asked.
Arius lowered his head in embarrassment. “Because, you challenged me with every step you took, like I was the only one who wanted it to work. I knew that I was pushing you hard but I wanted you to fold but each time, you came out stronger and with more hate towards me.” He added a wry smile.
“I am sorry for my actions.” He apologized as I looked at him in a new light.
Arius was such a typical man who was not used to having a partner who could think for herself and wasn’t feeling differential towards him.
“If what you say is true, how come you were with Faye when I woke up from the ceremony?” I asked.
“Because you hurt me once more.” He shrugged. “Every time you did that, I went to her as if I needed reassurance…”
“Promise me that you will never lie to me again.” I said cutting him short, this was the happy ever after which I wanted to have. He was saying all the right words and I believed them and saw them as genuine.
“I will never lie to you again.” Arius repeated after me.
I hugged him tight.
“There is something you need to know.” He started only for Silana face to show right over the bend.
“There you two are. I was wondering where in the world you guys went. Sorens suggested the Meadow but I knew better.” Silana said in a singing tone as she smiled.
“Why are you here sister?” Arius asked his sister, his tone was hostile and his sister shrugged like she was used to seeing this part from her brother. I doubt that anything new ever faze that girl, she was stuck in her own world, a place which I am sure is a safe zone for her.
“To look for Gwenn.” She answered with a smile. “Warlord Orel and Lady Themis are around and they are waiting for you.”