I went out of the car and headed to the the Hall of Justice. It's already eight o'clock in the morning and there are so many employees heading in the office. Some of them greeted me but I didn't bother to greet them back. I entered to my own office and sat on the swiveling chair.
My forehead creased when I saw a piece of red rose on my desk. It has a card with a written birthday greetings from Jameson.
Happy birthday, Nathalie! I hope to see you smile today.
- Jameson
I breathed heavily and put the rose on the cabinet beside my desk. I don't remember telling him about my birthday so I am confused as to why he knew about it.
I just shrugged and decided not to dwell on it, instead I started working.
I scanned through my shorthand as I will need to submit it to Judge Villanueva. I also double checked the written long documents to ensure that there are no errors in it.
I also received many text messages from Chandria. She's updating me every now and then about what she's doing and so on.
Chandria: I am at the airport right now. Just waiting for the boarding time!
Chandria: Once again, happy birthday, babe! I am so excited to see you! It has been a year and two months!
Chandria: It's cold here at the airport. My stomach is getting worst. I should've wore something else than this micro short!
Chandria: Oopps! It's boarding time!
Chandria: I am already in the airplane. There is a cute guy here sitting beside me but my heart still wants Sei! He bewitched me!
Chandria: You missed me, right? I miss you too! Love you, babe!
She's still the same girl I have known since day one. I can feel her happiness even on her text messages. I haven't seen her for such a long time and didn't even have the time to meet her because I became so busy when I started to work here in Bohol.
I let out a sigh and typed a text message for her.
Me: Please, take care.
***
It's almost lunch when I finished finalizing the documents I am working on. I decided to submit it immediately to Judge Villanueva so that I can prepare myself for another court hearing that I need to attend to.
"You're really a hard working woman, Ms. Saavedra! Thank you for submitting these documents ahead of time!" He commented happily when I gave him the documents he needed here in his office.
"You're welcome, Judge. I had to finish it early as there are two court hearing I must attend to," I replied in a formal tone.
He laughed heartily as if he's so proud of me. I felt the lump in my throat when he began patting my back. I stepped back and looked away.
I don't know but it feels like my heart would explode whenever people are trying to touch me. I suddenly felt ill but I still tried to composed myself.
"You're perseverance and hard work will surely pay off, Ms. Saavedra. I really admire your attitude." He said as he continued to compliment me.
"Thank you very much for the compliment, Judge Villanueva. I will go ahead now as the court hearing of Judge Bautista will start in less than an hour," I excused myself and walked towards his office door.
I was about to go outside when I bumped into Jameson as he was about to enter the Judge's office.
"Nathalie!" He called my name in a high pitch tone like he's totally shocked to see me in front of him.
"Jameson," I moved away so he can enter the room as he might have important things to tell to Judge Villanueva.
He cleared his throat and looked at me carefully. "Happy birthday, Nathalie! Have you seen the rose I left on your desk?"
My eyes bore into his hopeful eyes. I nodded slowly as a response. He then chuckled that made his perfect white teeth to be exposed.
"Thank you for the flower," I managed to say while remembering how I put it aside earlier so that I can start to work.
I am not that dumb. I know that Jameson has feelings for me but I can't really convince myself to entertain him. It's like my brain and heart already abandoned the thought of dating someone. Like my soul doesn't have the right to decide.
That being said, I don't want to be attached with anyone right now. I just want to start the day at work and end it at home, snuggling with my pillow and get some peaceful sleep.
"You deserve a flower since it's your special day," he said with all smiles on his face. "Do you have something to do later after work? Would you like us to celebrate?"
"I have a friend who will visit me today."
"Oh!" He caressed his nape awkwardly. "How about tomorrow? It's our day off and I think it will be good to have a post birthday celebration. What do you think?"
I struggled on how to decline his suggestions. I don't want him to be offended. I just don't want to go out on a date. I can't force myself to do that. I inhaled deeply and licked my lower lip.
"Maybe next time, Jameson. I'm sorry..." I said softly.
He smiled awkwardly and then nodded at me. I saw how his ears became red maybe because I refused to celebrate with him. I slightly felt the guilt deep inside my chest but I just can't give him a false hope knowing that I am not interested in him at all. I don't want to hurt him that way.
I could treat him as a friend but that is all I could give. In fact, my entire system won't even allow me to feel anything special towards a man. It's as if I am bound to be an independent woman for this lifetime and I feel that I can live my life without falling in love with someone.
I don't need a man. I am better off alone.
"Sure, Nathalie. No problem..." he said, defeated, and then he looked away.
"Thank you for the rose, though..." I patted his shoulder. "I'll go ahead."
"A-Alright... Good luck to your next court hearing..." he simply added.
"Thank you again," I replied.
I didn't hesitate to walk passed through him and headed to the court room to prepare my things for the hearing later.
You're doing fine, Nathalie. You can make it through the worst. It is better to be this aloof than to experience another storm.
***
"Nathalie!"
My work for this day is already done and I went out of the office to see my best friend. She ran towards me and hugged me so tight. My hands automatically moved and hugged her back too. I gasped and closed my eyes as I felt the familiar warmth of my best friend.
This is alright, Nathalie. It's alright to long for the presence of your only trusted best friend. It's alright to surrender and be this weak.
"Chandria..." I called her name softly.
Now that she's here, I realized that I missed her so much.
When the world betrayed me, she was the only one I had. When a good person I trusted the most deceived me, she was there for me. When I was on the phase of being torn between believing people and doubting them at the same time, Sydney was the only person who have helped me.
"I missed you, Chandria..." I uttered in a soft and weak tone.
With her hug, I felt so weak and vulnerable, like a fragile glass that will break any moment. It's like in just a snap, the closed door of my real version has opened, and the old Nathalie has freed.
"I missed you more, Nathalie!" She slightly pulled away and when I looked at her eyes, I saw the tears from it. "You, heartless bitch! I haven't seen you for such a long time! You kept declining my request whenever I want to video call you!"
I swallowed hard. "I... I'm sorry..."
"No worries, babe!" she began shaking my shoulders like a lunatic kid. "The most important thing is I am here on your birthday! We really have to celebrate, alright?"
My inner soul is smiling from ear to ear now that my best friend is here, bringing color to my world, but my physical form— my lips could not even remember how to make a smile. It's like it has its own power over me.
I can feel how happy I am to see her deep within my heart, and my inner soul is also celebrating but my physical form is still numb and empty. Emotionless...
She tilted her head and blinked twice while staring at me. The smile on her lips faded away as if she already realized that something is wrong with me.
That there's something going on inside my head, in my soul.
"Are you alright, Nathalie?" she asked me carefully with her creased forehead.
I blinked twice and nodded slowly. "I am fine, Chan... I'm... I'm just tired because of my work load, I guess..."
She pouted her lips.
"That's sad. How can we celebrate if you're already tired then?"
"We can still celebrate. You can think of anything else to do. I will be fine with your plan," I managed to say but deep in my mind I know that I am not really sure about what I said.
The thought of being happy to everything is something I really fear the most. As far as I remember, I felt an utmost happiness in everything I do before, then all of a sudden, sadness whipped me so hard.
"Oh, my goodness! I don't even know what to do!" she hissed at me. "I want to bake a cake for you! Sei taught me how to bake! Is there a Mall near your office?"
I wanted to laugh as I watched her face reaction. It's like she's confused whether this province has Malls just like what we have in Manila. I shook my head and sighed heavily.
"There are Malls here, Chandria..."
She chuckled and ran her fingers through her wavy hair.
"I thought so! I'm just wondering though!" then she clung her hands to my arm. "Let's go to the Mall first! I need to buy some ingredients for the cake and then we can go home to grandma Helga's house. Perhaps a simple dinner will do! We can also drink till we get wasted!"
"Alright..." I agreed and then we walked towards my car.
Chandria kept asking me if I am alright because of my face's blank expression. That made me question myself a lot of times but in the end, all I did was to nod even though I am unsure if I'm really okay.