We park ourselves at the table as we wait for our dinner to be served. Tonight feels phenomenal. Everything about today feels so special. And of course, perplexing. I don't understand why he is circumventing talking about that contract, but I think I will go with this flow even though I know it's all wrong. I am getting the vibes of being his real wife, and I am getting a kick out of it.
The feeling is incredibly sweet. Then again, when has him being like this ever not been sweet? Never!
My misconceptions are cut short by the memory of the first time we sat around the table like this with his family and friends. I really embarrassed him that day.
"What's wrong?" Jerol asks after noticing my sad face, leaning across the table and his face coming so close to mine. "Do I really suck this much?" He adds, earning a confused look from me.
"What? Why do you say that?" I implore.
"I brought my wife out for dinner for the first time but I haven't seen a smile flicker on her face. I must be a terrible husbae!"
That exhorted a small flush of a grin on my face.
Husbae!
"You don't suck at all. You are terrific, husbae! Sorry, I was thinking of something else. That day of our fake introduction. I embarrassed you big times, didn't I? I thought that would be the end of our deal. I thought you would without a second thought send this disappointment back to the slums immediately."
He takes my hands, clasping them I'm his.
"It's been four months since. You're still bothered about that?" He asks, his thumbs soothing my hands, sending waves of heat all over my body.
It's night. And too cold. I understand why I am reacting like this.
"Of course I am. I felt like an idiot. I was so furious with myself for embarrassing you that day. I saw how disgruntled your mom was with you, and I understood where she was coming from. You had stooped so low below class." I state, searching his eyes, and him doing the same.
"Class? Since when did love entail to class and all?" He queries, and I swallow hard.
Love?!
"Honestly, if I thought this was what this deal entailed, I wouldn't have assented to it." I state with an endeavor to flee my hands from his, but he doesn't flee me.
He instead tightens his grip on them, making sure I get the memo. He is aware of this. He wants this.
Jeez! Why am I sweating?
"Then I am glad you didn't read through that shit of paper. And I am glad that I succumbed to Gracia's madness." Jerol says.
I scowl at the mention of that name. Ever since I cut ties with that woman, I haven't heard anything from or about her. It's not like I cared to ask anyway, and she didn't either. Why would she, anyway? She must be drinking from the cup of liberty for getting rid of this detested seed from her life.
"Was she really your mother?" He adds, snapping my mind from my sad tales with that woman.
"Yes. But she never treated me like one from the start. And I presume she is now living on cloud nine since she doesn't see my face anymore." I respond without even a tinge of sadness.
"And you? Are you okay without her? Don't you even miss..."
"No. I meant it when I said I was done, Jerol. If nothing ever assuaged her all those years, I don't intend to try anything else. I shouldn't even beg for her to accept and love me in the first place, right?" I ask.
"That's what I don't get, Tessa. Haven't you ever contemplated the probability that, maybe she might not be your biological mother? I understand it's normal for once in a while brawls and discords between children and their parents. I fight a lot with my mother and you have seen that. But the feud doesn't last for long. But what you and Gracia had was something inexplicable. Sorry to put it this way but, she practically sold you off to a stranger she knew nothing about, and for some mere cents. No parent would do that to their own child." He says.
"I asked myself so many questions about why my own mother treated me the way she did. I asked myself the same questions over and over again and again. Am I really her daughter? But what basis did I have to doubt that? Nothing. And I don't care anymore." I state, hoping that we now change the topic.
"Isn't there anybody who ever told you something? Anything? If..."
"Jerol?" I cut him off, but just softly. "That woman has done more than enough ravage to me since I was young. I won't give her the pleasure of ruining this peaceful life I have now. Whatever reason there is, I don't wanna know." I state, and he nods his head, signifying that he understands and respects that I want to close this topic.
"Okay. Alright but, smile, please? You are not alone, you know? At least this psycho is here with you."
I smile.
"Did I ever call you a psycho?" I query.
"You did once. That day my mother dared to force you out of the house and out of my life."
Yeah! How can I forget that day? I was about to go through the shame of my life. That woman!
"But you stood against your mother for me. Again. Why?" I didn't mean to ask because I know I do not have the right, but it just rolled out.
In as much as I am itching to know, I don't want him to think that I am putting so much meaning into this.
"Because she had no right to do that. She has no right to infringe on my life like that. She has no right to insult you or order you around. And also, because I wanted you to stay. I saw how you cared for me when no one did and even though I wanted you far away from me to avoid you getting hurt, I knew I would be shuttered without you."
Whoa! That melts my heart. He wanted to keep me.
"Thank you, for being there even when I was a total jerk! Thank you for caring for me even when you didn't have any reason to. Thank you for redeeming this broken wreck, Tessa. I owe my life and sanity to you." His hand travels to my cheek, and I clutch to its wrist with my free one while the other one remains encompassed in his.
What are we doing again? These gestures. This feeling. This spark in his eyes. The way he is looking at me. Is there a message he is trying to convey?
"I can't thank you enough, Tessa, but there is one thing I can do to..."
"You don't need to do anything, Jerol." I cut him off, my gaze on him becoming so weak.
His too. We are both getting intoxicated by this.
"Yes I do, Tessa! And I will. Please don't say no to me. Please?" He pleads faintly, his thumb nuzzling my lips, our lips only separated by his thumb.
"I..."
"Please, allow me to treat you the way you deserve. I want to treat you like my wife - like the sweet wife you are."
That took away my breath, but when I feel his thumb leaving my lips, his lips brushing against mine, I knew I had to speak despite the heat and lack of breath.
"Jerol..."
He cages my face between his warm hands as he cuts me off.
"You won't say no to me, Tessa, right? Let me do this. Please? Please!" His lips crash on mine as he finishes his plea, leaving me with no chance or way of contending.
No part of my body even wants to resist him. As we indulge in this slow-burn kiss, I know that things are just about to get messier, but I don't mind, because I know I can't stop this at this juncture. Even he can't.