I'd be lying if I denied that I wasn't exhausted from the fight I was in. For two years, anger kept me alive, but that didn't mean I wasn't slowly being drained. The people I trusted betrayed me, and even if my anger towards them reached the sky, the pain they left in my heart is still there. I was always aware that the road I was going to take would not be easy. I didn't just want justice for my unborn child; I also wanted to destroy their lives in every way to satisfy myself. Now that I'm slowly getting it, I feel like I'm lost in nowhere.
"You don't intend to turn the hospital into a hotel, do you?" Aireen tried to joke.
I just rolled my eyes at her. "Go away; your fvckbuddy is waiting for you downstairs."
I thought she would tease me again, but she just stared at me. There was sadness in her eyes, and I didn't know what it was for. Later, she let out a forced smile before patting me on the shoulder.
"Just call me again when you need something," she said before finally leaving.
I watched her figure disappear from my sight. I felt a little indescribable emotion. I couldn't tell, but like Zachary, she seemed to be carrying something that couldn't be told to me. I just let out a breath and dismissed it from my mind. Maybe Aireen was just having a hard time with my situation and didn't know how to ease my pain, so that's the only look she gave me. I again entered the hospital room where Zachary was admitted. I was not able to continue with my entrance when I found him awake. He was sitting on the hospital bed, looking out the window, dumbfounded. My chest filled with pity; it's like I'm being brought back to the time when I reflected myself in him two years ago. The word burden the world was not enough to explain his situation.
I just sighed and then decided to approach him. His eyes slowly focused on me when I caught his attention. He smiled at me, and I did not return it. I sat next to him and imitated his staring at the window.
"You shouldn't get up. You still need to rest. The doctor said that apart from the fever, you passed out due to stress and fatigue," I mumbled.
"I'm fine," he answered, to which I secretly sighed.
"I could even fry an egg on your forehead, and then you're telling me you're fine?" I said, and I couldn't stop myself from voicing it.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him smile. It was a small smile, but it was true. Both of us turned our attention back to the outside of the window, feeling each other. Later, he let out a deep breath and bowed.
"Can you tell me what happened?" he said cautiously.
I was the one trying to smile now, and then I put both hands on the hospital bed and looked up slightly.
"When you were at the convention, I found out I was pregnant. Even though I'm scared because I feel like I'm not ready to be a mother, there's still joy in my chest. Angelei is the result of our love, so why should I be sad, right?" I started to tell a story.
I felt him turn and stare at me.
"Eunice was the first to know about my pregnancy. I couldn't tell you right away because I'd rather tell you personally. I didn't tell Daddy either because I might cause trouble in the ongoing election. And... that was my mistake." I bit my bottom lip and looked up even more when I felt the edge of my tears.
I heaved a deep breath and continued, "I have never thought badly of Eunice. We may not be as close as other siblings, but we have never fought. That's why I was so surprised when one night... I saw you two having sex. Because of my rage emotions, I didn't think it was an impostor anymore. I thought it was just betrayal at that time, but it wasn't. That night... I also lost our baby. She secretly puts an abortifacient in the milk she gives me to drink."
"That's why you always refuse every time I'm giving you milk before..." he exclaimed, making me nod.
"Besides being mad at you, I feel like you're planning to do that again. It freaking traumatizes me. Even though I'm not really pregnant, I still can't help but be scared and angry," I explained.
He didn't say a word again.
"I begged . . ." I continued to rasp. "Even though I knew that the chances of saving our child were low, I still begged them to help me get to the hospital. That I would voluntarily go away and not make trouble just to save Angelei, but... they still left me."
I slowly turned to Zachary when I felt him hold my hand. He was looking at me with bloodshot eyes. I forced a smile and looked back out the window, letting my tears fall.
"When I woke up, I was in the hospital. O-Our baby is gone. I thought I would get support from Daddy, but the opposite happened. He blamed me because I defiled his name again. Tita Ayna made everyone believed that I aborted the child. You and Eunice were also there. All of you . . . abandoned me."
I bit my lip hard as my sobs started to escape. "That's why I promised. I promised that I would take revenge for Angelei. I promised that I would also destroy your lives when I return. But... I was the one who was more destroyed. I thought my father just condoned everything, but . . . he was also one of the people who planned to kill my child. I don't know how to believe that. I don't want to accept it because I have to admit that I hoped at least a little bit. I hoped that he would side with me in the end. I felt like I was going crazy when I found out that all the people around me fooled me."
I ended up crying when Zachary carefully pulled me to his chest and hugged me tightly.
"What did I do to them? Why? How did they do that to me?" I said between my sobs.
"It's not your fault, Atasha," he comforted me while kissing my hair.
I held tightly to his clothes. "Sorry..." I mumbled the unsaid thoughts from my head since I found the truth. "I couldn't believe you before because I trusted more in what I saw and heard. I was so consumed by my anger that even though I felt something strange in your actions, I tried to ignore it. Sorry. I ruined your name."
I felt him shake several times, and he hugged me even tighter. "I understand; it's not your fault. I also deserved it."
"It's not your fault either, Zach," I whispered. "I picked the wrong target."
He shook his head again and slightly distanced himself from me. He looked at me as his tears flowed steadily. He swallowed hard. His lips trembled.
"I am the one to blame, Atasha. I deserved your wrath. Maybe I wasn't the man Eunice was with, but I still failed to protect you and . . . our children."
I was stunned by what I heard. Even before I opened my mouth to speak, Zachary stood in front of me and bowed to his knees. His shoulders were constantly shaking, and his wails began to fill every corner of the room.
"A-Angelei, Angel, and our new baby. Y-You lost them all because of my negligence."
I felt like I had stopped breathing. I blinked a few times before staring dumbfoundedly at Zachary, who remained crouched in front of me. He kept apologizing, but I couldn't follow it because my brain was taking me back to what I heard earlier.
I tried to laugh and shook my head. "W-What are you talking about, Zach? I-I only lost Angelei," I stammered.
His sobs grew louder. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Atasha. The doctors tried to save them, but they couldn't make it."
I shook my head. Even though I was weak, I stood up and leveled at Zachary. I held his chin and made him look up at me.
"Z-Zach, I was able to touch Angel before I lost consciousness. She's hurt, but she's okay." I persisted and swallowed the choking air in my throat. "I'm not pregnant either. D-Don't you remember? It's all just pretending. I can't get pregnant because it's impossible. The chances of me getting pregnant are slim, Zach."
Instead of answering, he hugged me. "I'm sorry. I'm sincerely sorry," he kept saying, and I just sobbed.
Why? Why did they rob me the second time?
I ended up crying in Zachary's arms. I don't know where to start thinking. I was so fucking lost.
"I promise, I will make them pay, and I will also atone for my negligence. All the revenge you started will not go to waste, Atasha."
Revenge? Can I get anything else there?
For the second time, everything important to me was taken away. Nothing left. Karma? Why is it that instead of the people who have wronged me experiencing it, I am the one who takes it all in? Why did everything fall on me? Whether I'm a good person or a bad person, I'm always the loser in the end.
I'm so tired of this fight. . .