A mixture of machine noise and whispers woke me up from my deep sleep. My eyesight was blurry as I gently opened my eyes. I wasn't sure if I was awake or in delirium. There were a few vague people I couldn't figure out, including one wearing a white lab coat and a man in front of him who had his back to me. They were speaking, but I was having trouble understanding them.
What's going on?
I tried to open my mouth to speak, but I couldn't. It felt like something was blocking my throat, but I couldn't tell what it was. It's like every part of my body is being stabbed; I'm kind of numb with intense pain. I looked around again, and it was still the same. Everything my eyes can focus on is blurry and wavering.
"I'm sorry, we really tried to save them both." I heard someone mumble as my eyelids closed again, slowly.
I heard some cursing, but I didn't follow it any further. I feel like I'm lost in the dark. There wasn't any light to go to or anything to hold on to. I am like a wave that is carried somewhere.
I don't know how many hours I spent like that. When I woke up again, I felt a gentle touch on my hair. Someone was holding my hand tightly, as if he was afraid to let go. I slowly opened my eyes when I felt something touch my forehead. Zachary's bloodshot eyes immediately greeted me. His tears quickly gathered in the corner when our eyes met. He tried to smile and slowly distanced his face from me. He straightened his seat.
"H-Hey..." he rasped.
I was not able to speak immediately. I looked around the room while remembering what happened. I'm in the hospital; I'm sure of it.
"Drink first," he said, getting my attention, then letting go of the hand he was holding.
I just watched him pour water into a glass. His shoulders slumped as he moved. After finishing the preparation, he put a straw on it and then carried it in front of me.
"Can you drink it? Or do you want me to raise your headboard?" he asked sweetly.
"I can," I answered weakly.
He supported me in lifting my head so that I could drink properly. I still winced secretly between my sips when my shoulder twitched, noticing that it was now bandaged.
"Do you want more?" he asked when I finished the entire glass.
I just silently shook my head, then let him help me lie down again. He put the glass back on the table that was on the side of the hospital bed while I stared at the ceiling, dumbfounded. My attention was only returned to him when he held my hand again and squeezed it slightly.
"Does something hurt? I'll call the doctor assigned to you."
I don't know, but I'm confused. Something seems wrong that I can't identify. It's like there's a space in my chest that I can't find.
I stared at Zachary. There is a trace of wakefulness and tiredness on his face. The puffiness of his eyes didn't escape my sight either. I slowly raised my hand, even though it was difficult, and gently touched his cheek.
He stared at me softly. He even bit his lower lip and then took a slow breath. I could feel the weight on his chest as he forced himself to act firmly in front of me.
He closed his eyes and tilted his head. He held my hand, which was clinging to his cheek. He even surpassed the child who felt the protection of a mother.
"You..." I whispered, loud enough for him to hear. "You didn't leave me," I continued.
He slowly opened his eyes and then swallowed hard as tears filled the corners of his eyes.
"I'm sorry..." I only say it because I don't know what to say at this time.
He didn't cheat. He didn't kill my unborn child. He served my wrath even though he didn't deserve it.
He took my hand and brought it to his lips. He planted a kiss on it. A kiss full of sincerity and overflowing emotions.
"No. I should be the one to apologize to you. It's my fault; it's all my fault," he said, blaming himself.
The tears that had accumulated in the corners of his eyes escaped. Like a river, it fell on his cheeks nonstop. I can feel his remorse, even though the truth is that he is not really guilty. We are both victims.
I gently shook my head and smiled modestly. "It's not your fault, Zach," I comforted.
He bit his lip again and looked up, trying to stop the tears from falling.
"No. I failed you, Atasha. I didn't protect you. I wasn't able to take care of you properly." He continued to blame himself. "I shouldn't have left you alone; I shouldn't have left your side."
"Zach..." I called, then tried to dry the tears on his cheeks. "I know our past hurts you, especially now that you only found out about everything. I carried it for several years, so I know it won't be easy for you to accept what happened to our baby. Like you, I also blame myself. But... it's not our fault, okay? You shouldn't be the one to pay for my sister's sin."
He shook his head again and again. He opened his mouth to speak, but what he wanted to say was left in the air. It was as if there was a big stone blocking his throat, and he didn't know how to remove it. Later, he held my hand tightly and tried to smile in front of me.
"You need to rest; it's not good for you to be stressed. We'll talk about it when you're better, okay?" He even brought the back of my palm to his lips and planted a kiss. "You'll get through this. I will never leave you again."
I smiled sparingly. Even if I already know the whole truth, I must admit that it will take me some time to come to grips with it. I'd been convinced he was the culprit for a while. I'm not sure where the information I learned will lead me at this point. I couldn't hide the impact it truly had on me, even though I tried to act appropriately in front of him. I looked like a little child who was just learning to stand up. There is no certainty in the path I will take. I'm afraid I'll trip again at any moment.
I took a deep breath and focused my eyes on the ceiling. "How are they?" I asked lowly.
I felt his grip on me tighten. I sensed he hesitated to answer, but in the end he just sighed and then adjusted his seat. I looked at him for a moment. His jaw was tense, and his eyes were engulfed in darkness, yet it was still mixed with pain and disappointment.
"The man is dead; your sister is in jail now," he replied curtly.
I just nodded and didn't say a word again. Anger is still eating away at my chest, but knowing that somehow Eunice is facing the punishment for it calms me down a little. To this day, I still can't believe that she did that to me and to us.
I slowly closed my eyes. Although I don't want to ignore Eunice's condition, I don't know how to accept it. I have no plans to forgive her. Maybe she has a problem, but that's not enough for her not to understand right and wrong. She chose to hurt me; she chose to indulge in her illusion.
"Don't think about them. I'll take care of everything from now on," Zachary whispered, making me open my eyes again.
I looked at him. I know that everything he found out hurts him, but I don't understand why I feel something strange behind his eyes. Even though he was breathing properly, it was as if a thick chain was strangled around his neck. No matter how many times he smiled in front of me, I couldn't be complacent.
Did something happen?